To wonder how anyone can be a teacher?

[Howdaretheydisciplinerudekids]

I think I am quite an understanding parent when it comes to my kids schools. However, I do contact the schools whenever I have a concern. I am always polite and understanding of school issues but flag things up when necessary.

However, I hear how some parents speak to and about their children’s teachers and I am pretty disgusted and wonder how anyone remains in teaching. I have so many stories from friends about the crap they put up with from headteachers, parents and children. Who else has similar stories?

1. A friend of mine was told on more than one occasion by a child that he wanted her dead and was going to shoot her. Her headteacher didn’t even ask if she was ok.
2. The same child regularly used to throw things in the classroom and trash the classroom. The headteacher refused to get involved and instead blamed the teacher for their being equipment on the floor (that the child had thrown) and asked why she hadn’t picked it up. The child was still throwing things (this time aimed at the class teacher) at the time.
3. I have heard many occasions of friends who have been out on capability plans for the most minor things. It would seem that bullying of staff from leadership is absolutely rife. For example, one teacher friend told me about the staff having a staff training day about a certain way of delivering maths. Part of the day was spent then planning maths in the said way. The headteacher went into maths lessons and then called all of the staff together because she didn’t like how they were teaching maths and told them all off. She said they should have ignored all training. Several friends have given me the same sort of stories.
4. My teacher friends are always making excuses why they can’t go out. They have too much work to do. They are too stressed. They are off sick. They have marking to do, leSsons to plan, forms to fill in, statements to write, parents to contact, documents to complete, emails to send etc etc. Then when they have done all that, they have to actually teach a class for 7 hours. They get no let up in that time. They have to be physically and mentally involved and face verbal and sometimes physical abuse, with no chance to recover.
5. Then they have parents to deal with. Parents who complain constantly because their child has been told off. Parents who constantly criticise teachers because their child, who has done something wrong, is then worrying about it. Or they have 2 sets of parents both claiming that their child is being bullied by the other. Or parents who have fallen out, expecting the schools to separate the children because their grown ups can’t resolve their own arguments.
6. One relative of mine, was put under disciplinary procedures because they dared to speak sternly to a child who had been stealing from them. They did not even raise their voice. However, they now have a safeguarding concern about them because a member of staff heard them telling the child how upset they were to have had their personal items stolen by them, and the member of staff didn’t like their tone of voice. My poor relative was in bits over this accusation because they had taught for nearly 30 years and now felt like they had been blamed for being a victim of crime. My relative had to take early retirement.
7. Another relative was teaching In A primary school and was filmed by a child on their phone, and it was shared around social media. My relative then told the child how upset they had been about this. However, instead of the child receiving any sort of consequence, instead my friend had to apologise to the child, for telling the child how upset they were. Sadly, another friend tried to commit suicide after all of the constant monitoring and accountability became too much for her. My friends and relatives who work in schools tell me about the lack of funding in their schools.

I think your emphasis on work is just a mistake. (Even though, indeed, my children have jobs in which their bosses do praise their constant questioning. Very much so. That depends on the job, of course, it's clear.) We don't bring up children primarily for work, do we?

The world can indeed be harsh. But, well, there are ways of dealing with that. I, my partner, my children, my grandchildren, we are all pretty happy, more-or-less appropriately fulfilled as human beings, if you like, in despite of the harshness of the world. How so? Lots of reasons.

[Of course luck comes into it. But we haven't been lucky all the time. Let's not get into hardships; there have been some.]

I'll take up your cavil about questions. I always tried to answer my children's questions; they do likewise with their children. Result? - Grown-ups with an appreciation of the world they inhabit. (And other things too, but I decided not to boast too much.)

I do think it's good for our children if we do that, so in a sense yes it is our duty as parents to do so. But I can also report that answering children's questions is fun. (You need lots of time, of course, that takes a bit of working-out, I know.)

Why? (Kids always go through a Why? phase, you might have noticed.) I'm not really sure, but I think it's probably connected with love, given and received, and also with evolutionary-determined species curiosity. Why? - Why what? (Sometimes a question gets another question as answer. But not always ...) Why species curiosity? - It's interesting, isn't it, how evolutionarily-determined aspects of our nature become imbued with value. No? How might that be so? ... Oh, and so on and so forth.

Do you get the idea?

Or, perhaps, 'Why do I have to go to school?' ... 'To learn interesting things and to meet friends of your own age.' ... Why? ... 'So you'll become an interesting person.' (Not, notice, '... So you'll get a good job.' ... 'That's a really bad reason. Isn't it?') ... 'Why?' ... 'Because it's easier to be happy if you're interesting.' ... 'Why?' ... 'Interesting question. Probably just something to do with being a human being.' ... 'Why?' ... 'Well, there's something called 'evolution' and that connects somehow with how we value and care about things - like how you love your mum and dad ...'

'But I'm bored!' 'Well, sometimes it's necessary to be bored, so you can get something you want. But often if you feel bored and you just think a bit more about what you're doing and why, you'll get interested and won't be bored any more. Try it and see.'

There you go. Try it and see.

[Children actually ask really interesting questions, given half a chance. From a grandson recently (eight-year-old): 'Why do we have a word "now"? There is no "now", is there? By the time you've even said it, it's not "now" any more, is it? It's "then", isn't it?'. Or from a granddaughter (ten): 'When you think of a world without you in it, does it make you feel strange? I mean when I try to think of a world without me, I feel a bit kind of dizzy inside. Do you feel that? Why, do you think? What is that feeling?]

Parenting is hard work, time-consuming. But ultimately fulfilling when done right. Doing it right involves - in my opinion - always trying to answer children's questions.

That's a bit of a rambling post. Probably a bit self-indulgent. And too long. Sorry.

But, anyway, to finish, let me just reiterate that you should never slap or smack a child. Really. Just don't. It's wrong.

@NNaptrappedmummy

Your not wrong here See this is another problem I think. Assuming that when it comes to child behaviour, 2+2=4.

But 9 times out of 10 badly behaved children are a result of rubbish parents. The other 1 in 10 is due to needs not being met. And if you use smacking as a punishment, you are a rubbish parent. There is no ifs or buts. Smacking = shitty parenting

We’ll have to agree to disagree.

We don't bring up children primarily for work, do we?

We bring them up to make their adult life easier, so when the time comes they’ll be able to make choices that suit them, earn good money, get along with people and have a happy comfortable life. Part of this is sometimes just getting on with the task at hand without questions, justification, flouncing or feeling everything is just so unfair. It’s not about teaching them to be submissive it’s about showing them how sometimes just getting on with what you’ve been asked to do will benefit you later.

I agree but the rubbish parenting causing bad behaviour is, in my opinion, weak and permissive and overly supportive rather than smacking. If smacking caused bad behaviour the kids in the 60s and 70s would’ve been absolutely feral. They’re worse now than ever.

Weak and permissive is rubbish parenting, yes. But so is smacking. More than 1 way to be a rubbish parent.

Overly supportive, though? Wow. Good luck to your children.

I was at a posh secondary school in the 70’s (state) We were insane. Absolutely wild.

I was also a secondary teacher for 25 years. Mostly the kids l taught were way better than my class ever was.

It depends on the school though.

Item 7 on your list happened in my school (filming a teacher and sharing it) and the child was suspended and school considered contacting the police.

TBH if they paid me the amount tgw lottery winnings are, its not a job I'd do for a day.
DD goes to a really nice school, yet in the past year...

One teacher was punched in the face.
Another teacher reprimanded a boy, who then found the teachers SM, which he then found teachers wife's business page, which was linked to their home address, which was posted all over the Internet with photos of the teachers kids, and threats on his house.

Another time DD was being bullied, we put it to the school, turned out that he had assaulted a member of staff but it hadn't been escalated, but other students being targeted meant they could escalate further.

It's heartbreaking that some of these teachers give so much, yet deal with shitbag teenagers day in and out.

DD is generally a good girl, but this is exactly why I jump straight on it when she's been in trouble at school. Her teachers deserve respect. Some of them are emailing out the kids reports at 11pm at night, others are chasing up things on Sundays via emails to parents-I've been one of them when DD was struggling to integrate because of anxiety.

This is a joke I assume.