To have only bought for him

[Usersnoozerfuzer]

My adult son lives with his girlfriend of 5 years and her two children, 10 and 7. I went round earlier to drop off an advent calendar for my son. I felt it was a little frosty. Was I unreasonable to have only bought for him?

What did your boyfriend say?

I don’t have much of a relationship with my parents. Every year I buy the children an advent calendar each, and my dh’s mum buys him one. It is a small reminder each year that I don’t have a mother figure in my life and it makes me feel sad. My mil comes round so must be able to see three advent calendars. I know it’s not her job to buy me one, and my husband shares his, but I hope to be more mindful of these things with my dc and their (future) partners.

I'm sure that your son would have preferred you buy for the children. I doubt he wanted a advent calendar for himself. After this I seriously doubt he will use as it has hupset his family.

My brother brought me a lovely advent calender the other day. It didn't even occur to me that he should have got the kids one. Although, mine was a cosmetics one and not chocolate.

@NewJobNewMeNewLife It's a shame your DH doesn't buy you one in that case

Not sure about the fun sponges saying adults don't need advent calendars. Well obviously nobody needs one, but it does no harm, even brings a little joy. DH and I always get each other one.

It’s your son’s responsibility to buy for his partner and children. But I think the problem is you took it round to his home and presented it to him in front of his partner, so I’m not surprised the atmosphere was a bit awkward. My mum buys one for me and adult siblings every year, but keeps them at hers, although we sometimes have to eat a weeks worth as don’t see her every day. She’s never bought our partners one, and can’t say it’s something I’ve given any thought to tbh.

Reverses are a complete PITA and against guidelines.

Just ask it upfront.

(Although I'm never fully convinced by claims of 'it's a reverse', particularly here where a frosty atmosphere is described.)

I’m sure she just thought you would buy the kids. He’s her kid.

Oh sorry. I didn’t realise it was against the rules. I though presenting it this way was less bias.

Not a reverse 😴no need for it, just ask the question.
It's a bit weird but I can't said I'd be overly bothered. I know DH would just hand it over to the kids immediately anyway (if it's just a choc one)

My dd is 35 & married, I've always bought her an Advent calendar and now I buy her dh one too.
Her dh wouldn't be bothered if I didn't but I wouldn't leave him out as he's family

I probably wouldn't be buying an advent for children I knew would be getting one from their parents.

I would definitely be buying everyone something in your situation. Surely you could have got some family chocolates or a fun small gift for each of them. I personally love some Christmas socks.

Yes its weird.

Surely you would buy for the children and not adults?

If he is with his girlfriend for 5 years those children are practically his step children.

For context, my partners mum has never met my child before yet has sent up a selection box for him.

I once attended a dinner with an ex and his family with my child for the first time and it was over easter. They brought him an easter egg as they were giving to their own grandchild.

This is surely a joke?

Any ordinary person would know this was absolutely unreasonable and petty behaviour?

@Usersnoozerfuzer

The reason it's annoying to have a reverse is that, as you can see, the thread is full of posts from posters who haven't read your update.

The thread becomes pointless.

It's not you, it's her.

Although I'd want to know how her son reacted. I would hope he commented that her behaviour was off. Otherwise you've got a mummies boy on your hands.

Yabu for doing a reverse.

If my mum turned up with a chocolate calendar for me & not my kids i would think she had lost the plot 🤣

I am 25 and still enjoy getting advent calendars from mummy. She also gives me chocolate coins every year

Has she always bought him one, is it their 'thing'? Is this the first year she has ever bought him one, because maybe they were talking about them and he mentioned he hadn't had one since he was a kid? Pretty obvious you don't like her, so what's the backstory after the poor reverse attempt as on the surface it's suck a non incident you obviously have other issues.

For the sake of a couple of quid I wouldn’t have left the children out. I know they’re not your grandchildren but it would have been a nice gesture.

I know it's a reverse YANBU
It's unkind to say the least to not buy for you and your DC
I've bought DS2 gf a Christmas gift and I've not even met her yet just because she is important to him
Same principle

It's clearly a reverse. A daughter-in-law is pissed off that her mother-in-law has turned up with one advent calendar and given it to the husband.

She's already said it is.

Why do adults need advent calendars bought for them?

They don't. But you know, it's just a bit of fun. Adults are allowed to do silly little things and enjoy them.

My old housemate’s mum used to do this. 10 years on, I still love her for it.

I hope they think it's fun and don't think my son has a weird mum lol