Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is this parent rude?

51 replies

tutorswife · 28/11/2023 15:02

DH is a Maths tutor - he used to be head of maths, SLT and education lead or something.

His waiting list is 2 years, he is inundated with enquiries and he has a strong local reputation.

He tutors from primary to A Level.

We had friends who we met through a mutual hobby. That hobby event was a one-off so we never see them due to the hobby but the shared interest and having a bit in common meant we became friends. They’re a few years older but had their daughter when they were 15. As a result, they’re not too dissimilar in age etc.

At one point, when socialising, DH spoke with their DD about maths as she was doing her GCSEs and DH noticed she was behind and would be on foundation. Mum didn’t realise (they also want their kids to be academically successful as they weren’t and they are now very wealthy business owners) and asked DH to tutor. He did at a discounted rate and she did her best in that GCSE - DH got her from a 3/4 to a 7 in a year.

Since, our friendship has fragmented. I have no idea why, she just ghosted me one day. She has to speak to DH due to tutoring but became more stand off with him. He is now tutoring the DD for Maths A Level at the same discounted rate. He is honouring it. Today he got a message from Mum because school have said she’s not performing as well in A Level Maths. This isn’t a surprise as she only got a 7 and was warned. She also isn’t working as hard as needed as she is doing all her teenage things (hobbies, job, driving).

Mum has said “you need to stay on top of this” but this isn’t his job? He is aware of where she’s at. He can only do so much.

She also pays weeks late (money definitely not an issue) and isn’t particularly nice even for someone who isn’t a friend.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:

Treacletoots · 28/11/2023 15:05

Isn't it obvious? You tell her she is no longer a client. The benefit of working for yourself is that you don't have to work with anyone you don't want to.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 28/11/2023 15:06

Unfortunatley he can no longer tutor her as she isnt doing the work required. If they arent really friends anymore it doesnt matter

Flamingogirl08 · 28/11/2023 15:15

Totally not the point but why would anybody who isn't a natural with Maths take Maths A Level? Just seems like torture!

I remember my friend doing A Level Maths and she was really intelligent and quite gifted when it came to Maths. She still really had to put the work in though.

yarnwitch · 28/11/2023 15:20

At the very least he should give notice of his 'price increasing'. Aka, bring them in line with what everyone else is paying!
Or simply get him to terminate his employment with them, for whatever reason you are willing to give.

sollenwir · 28/11/2023 15:21

Remind them that A Level Maths can be a very challenging subject, even for those who got top grades at GCSE and that she will have to put in more work in order to (hopefully) improve.

Remind them that they're getting a discounted rate and that you expect to be paid on time.

BriocheForBreakfast · 28/11/2023 15:36

A level maths is a huge step up from GCSE. DD was assessed in 2020 GCSE cohort at a level 7 and went on to do A level. We hired a tutor in Y11 as she was struggling with her teacher's methods and kept the tutor all the way through A level. Y12 teaching was mostly very good but we wanted the tutoring to consolidate learning. Y13 teaching was mediocre but she worked hard with the tutor and got an A.

The girl has to put the work in if she wants to succeed but it sounds like she's not interested. Sounds like an honest conversation with the parents is required and that unless she steps up the effort then he will have to let her go.

bryceQ · 28/11/2023 15:37

No brainer. End the tutoring

LakeTiticaca · 28/11/2023 15:41

They are CFs. Tell them to find another tutor because DH ain't doing it no more

Birdcar · 28/11/2023 15:47

It's incredibly rude. They obviously no longer value the friendship so you've nothing to lose.

Don't continue with the lessons.

EvilElsa · 28/11/2023 15:52

He needs to tell her that she was pre-warned that A level maths with a grade 7 would be challenging and that given she feels unhappy with the lack of progression despite the tutoring he will be giving notice. He is under no obligation to keep her as a client, especially not at the discounted rate.

EvilElsa · 28/11/2023 15:54

Oh and the continuous late payments would be enough for me to ditch!

Frasers · 28/11/2023 15:57

How come he has to ask you to ask mumsnet and doesn’t know how to respond.

surely it’s common sense, he simply responds and says I can only do so much but the work needs to be put in by x herself , important for her to decide if she wishes to make that time commitment or not.

Justmuddlingalong · 28/11/2023 15:58

Tell him to end the tutoring by messaging her saying he's giving them 2 weeks notice to find another tutor. One who he hopes can "keep on top of it".

and charge the going rate.
Her comment and the DD's ability levels make it impossible to continue.

BeethovenNinth · 28/11/2023 15:59

Ghastly. Terminate the arrangement

sixteenfurryfeet · 28/11/2023 16:09

EvilElsa · 28/11/2023 15:52

This sounds like a pretty good response, and the end of the current term being nigh is a good time to do it.

There's nothing your DH can do to make this child more intelligent than she is, and if she is struggling with the work even with a tutor, then your DH is flogging a dead horse really.

Wilkolampshade · 28/11/2023 16:14

He says the arrangement is that he does the teaching, they do the parenting.
I'd just finish with them tbh. As they aren't friends anyway it doesn't matter does it?

euff · 28/11/2023 16:14

Yes the parent is rude. Give an inch etc. no future lessons unless the account up to date. It's disrespectful apart from anything else. I personally would let them go as a client. Your DH is a sought after tutor, why accept shoddy treatment.

DuploTrain · 28/11/2023 16:16

I also think the best way is to find a polite way of saying that he won’t be able to continue tutoring her after Christmas.

He’s doing them a favour with the discount but they aren’t friends anymore, aren’t nice and don’t even pay on time. He has no obligation to continue.

Beautiful3 · 28/11/2023 16:30

Honestly I'd say, X would benefit from trying another maths tutor, it may be a better fit. As we all have different learning styles and teaching methods. I won't be coming anymore.

Sunshineandflipflops · 28/11/2023 16:31

If you don't want to/feel you can't let them go as clients, I would give them notice that after Xmas (start of new term), you will be increasing the price to be in line with what you charge others and that late payment will no longer be acceptable as you are running a business.

You might (hopefully) find they find someone else then anyway.

StaunchMomma · 28/11/2023 16:55

She's a supreme CF!

'Thank you for raising this concern. I am in agreement with you that the arrangement is no longer working, in my opinion due to not putting in the hours required to succeed at A level which is, obviously, not something that I have any control over. I therefore give notice that I will will cease tutoring __ at the end of this month (or sooner if you would prefer)'

Then replace her with a full fee payer from the waiting list and when she comes begging tell her her slot has already been filled!

Unreal, honestly!!

Original poster

tutorswife · 28/11/2023 16:58

Thanks for the opinions!

I posted as DH wants to know how I’d respond. We are both VERY soft and get taken advantage of often. I’m his PA for the tutoring but this messaging was to him directly.

OP posts:

poetryandwine · 28/11/2023 17:01

I like @StaunchMomma ’s wording. Maybe with something added about how A Level is known to be challenging for those who got Grade 7 at GCSE.

yarnwitch · 28/11/2023 17:08

I agree what @StaunchMomma said is spot on.

I understand about you being soft, non confrontational people, but unfortunately that leaves you wide open to be taken advantage of, which is what is happening here.

Anisette · 28/11/2023 17:26

Your husband needs to tell the mother that, unless payments are up to date, he will have to terminate the arrangement forthwith. Also that her daughter is taking maths A level against his advice anyway.

Flip

1 2 3