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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher abuse in the 90s - can't get over it

45 replies

thepastisheretostay · 28/11/2023 14:42

A year 4 teacher basically subjected me to constant verbal and psychiatric abuse in her class in the mid 90s. She would constantly accuse me of things I hadn't done. I was a model child, best results in all tests in the class, very quiet, well behaved etc. I used to love school before her class. All the other teachers described me as a model pupil.

One day, at home time, apparently a girl was attacked. I only found out when I got into school the next day when this teacher shut down the lessons for the ENTIRE DAY in an attempt to "break" me into confessing. I felt like maybe I should just tell her it was me just to make it all so and get back to normal schooling. Goodness knows what she would have done if I had. I never found out who was responsible, but the teacher was adamant it was me, as she was with several other incidents throughout the year.

There were several other bad incidents where she got the whole class to try and accuse me too. Much to her disappointment, they didn't as I never did anything wrong and was the subject of bullying myself that I didn't tell anyone about.

I still think of this school year where this teacher was inexplicably angry with me.

I've looked into it. She doesn't still teach at the school and I can't find her online. She might have been in her twenties at the time. So you would think she might still work as a teacher somewhere. I wonder if she has targeted anyone else since.

If a teacher did this at my children's school, I would think they were insane and needed the sack or psychiatric help.

I still think about this incident often as I suffer from depression and anxiety. Even when I am having a good day, these memories come back to me.

I realise this was a long time ago and the teacher had basically got away with this now. But I want her to face summer action over what she did. What can I do?

OP posts:
BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 28/11/2023 17:42

Went to boarding school at 10 and was picked on by the house mistress because she was friendly with another woman at he school who was jealous of my mother. Has affected the way I see authority too, as pp said. I have an inner rebelliousness now which is sometimes a little self-defeating. It teaches the child that some adults in positions of authority are utterly poisonous and power-driven.

pandarific · 28/11/2023 17:49

Jesus. you didn’t actually do anything out of the ordinary, perhaps you looked like or reminded her of someone she hated or who bullied her as a child, a sibling or similar? So bizarre.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 28/11/2023 17:52

Sorry you went through that. I had a nasty teacher although not to your level. I remember once she screamed at me so much I started crying and I saw her smirking with an older student because I was crying.

GrannyWeatherwaxsBroomstick · 28/11/2023 17:57

I had a teacher back in the 1970s who was absolutely vile. She left me alone after my Mum went in to school and had a go at her. My Mum is properly scary even now.
It really made a difference as a child that someone was on my side and ready to take on authority figures for me

afternoontea86 · 28/11/2023 18:00

My maths teacher in senior school hated me. I wasn't the best at maths but I always tried my best. I was also nearer the lower end of the class which probably didn't help her hatred for me. If we were doing work in class I vividly remember getting the answer wrong and being the only one in the class to do so. She made me explain how I had got to the answer in front of the whole class before telling me that it was wrong. When I would go and ask for help she would tell me it wasn't her problem and I needed to be doing more after lessons to catch up as I was clearly struggling. In the end I got my mum to complain and I got moved to a different class. I had the most lovely teacher then who really helped me so I did get a happy ending!

haribosmarties · 28/11/2023 18:05

I doubt she will have got away with it. She sounds unhinged. OP people like this live in their own personal Hell. Can you imagine ever doing that to a child? People who do have got a lot going on inside themselves. You probably can't find her online because she's had to go offline because of how hated she is. And I doubt she still works as a teacher... it wouldn't fly now days.
Rest assured this awful woman will have been the architect of her own destruction.
I don't believe in karma as some magical thing but I do believe that people that awful create their own nightmare in the end. She will have suffered.
I'm so sorry you went through that as a child. It sounds horrible.

CherryBlossom321 · 28/11/2023 18:29

It still happens now and teachers did, and do get away with it. So sorry, OP. These kind of experiences undermine confidence and destroy self esteem. Sadly it’s unlikely you’ll ever get the kind of closure you’re looking for, but it may be good for you to explore the impact on your life through counselling.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 29/11/2023 06:26

I experienced a horrible teacher- not being abusive towards me, but my brother.
I learned of what was happening as some of his friends told me.
I was an absolute model student, but I went to his classroom with a friend and told him i knew what was happening and if he dared continue to bully my little brother any more, I'd take it further. I was only about 15! It did stop though thankfully.
I'm so sorry to everyone who has suffered on this thread.

LickleLamb · 29/11/2023 06:33

Have you heard of EMDR (lots of info online) - it's used to treat PTSD - but I think some of our less traumatic sounding experiences can cause a type of PTSD, it's that rabbit in the headlights feeling, shock and the inability to do anything to stop it.
There are counsellors who specialise in EMDR.

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 29/11/2023 06:51

Your school days can definitely scar you more than you think.

There was one particularly vile teacher who became our deputy head. She should never have been allowed near children.

One at my elder dc school - glowing reports from all teachers except one particular teacher. We repeatedly said it didn’t sound like our child compared to other teachers. If 10 are saying one thing and only one another think it’s quite easy to defend.

It’s a shame as our dc wanted to do that for GCSE but the teacher’s attitude stopped it.

I complained to the heads of house, year and ultimately the head about my dcs treatment. That teacher left shortly after!

JustCosy · 08/12/2023 23:23

OP, if you message me her name, I may be able to help locating her online presence.

LovelyIssues · 09/12/2023 19:44

This is awful OP, have you thought about having therapy for this?

Dolly567 · 09/12/2023 20:08

A teacher once lost her sh!t on me because I put 'cristmas' instead of 'Christmas' honestly you would have thought I had set fire to the classroom or something
She disliked me, I was quite a cute kid
Tanned, green eyes, nice skin not in a big headed way .. I do think sometimes they pick on the ones they're jealous of
She was a witch

OoohLaLaLa · 02/03/2024 08:43

Sounds exactly like my J2 teacher! It wasn’t a small school in south Wales was it?

Haunted me for years but then I met up with a few women who had all gone through her class in different year groups to me.

We shared our stories and suddenly we found ourselves screaming with laughter at the sheer awfulness of her behaviour. It honestly slew some demons for me!

I also learnt that she was sacked from teaching for being pissed on a school trip and leaving the children unattended in a cinema while she and the deputy were having an affair!

Abbimae · 02/03/2024 08:53

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muggart · 02/03/2024 09:21

If that's your reaction to this thread you really have issues 😂

Betty000 · 02/03/2024 09:37

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Are you a teacher? Do you have something to hide? Not all teachers are cunts, some are fantastic, people are sharing their stories of the cuntish ones, now get back in your hole

ApiratesaysYarrr · 02/03/2024 09:47

Not a teacher, but when you talk about her wanting to "face action" over what she did, is that realistic?

How will you prove events that happened 20 +years ago? It would be you saying "This happened" are her saying" No, it wasn't like that" and no-one is going to take that forward.

This is not me saying that you are lying, but I think that your idea of getting closure from this is unrealistic. Can you focus on self care instead?

dottiedodah · 02/03/2024 09:53

Some of these stories are horrendous! Just why would a teacher do that ? Let's hope today anyone would get help .and this not allowed to continue

Topsyturvy78 · 27/04/2024 01:39

I had a similar experience I always thought she was a nice teacher. I wasn't the brightest but was well behaved. I was happy I was going to be in her class in year 6. Her last name was actually the same name as a brand. So we used to call her the product name instead of her last name.

I actually bumped into her in Asda a couple of years ago. She said my name and just looked at her and said are you talking to me. She just said yes then tried to talk to my son saying I used to be your mum's teacher.

My son has non verbal autism so he just gave her a beautiful smile same as when anyone pays him attention. I just turned around and told her yeah and you were fucking horrible to me. That was the end of that.

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