Teacher abuse in the 90s - can't get over it

[thepastisheretostay]

A year 4 teacher basically subjected me to constant verbal and psychiatric abuse in her class in the mid 90s. She would constantly accuse me of things I hadn't done. I was a model child, best results in all tests in the class, very quiet, well behaved etc. I used to love school before her class. All the other teachers described me as a model pupil.

One day, at home time, apparently a girl was attacked. I only found out when I got into school the next day when this teacher shut down the lessons for the ENTIRE DAY in an attempt to "break" me into confessing. I felt like maybe I should just tell her it was me just to make it all so and get back to normal schooling. Goodness knows what she would have done if I had. I never found out who was responsible, but the teacher was adamant it was me, as she was with several other incidents throughout the year.

There were several other bad incidents where she got the whole class to try and accuse me too. Much to her disappointment, they didn't as I never did anything wrong and was the subject of bullying myself that I didn't tell anyone about.

I still think of this school year where this teacher was inexplicably angry with me.

I've looked into it. She doesn't still teach at the school and I can't find her online. She might have been in her twenties at the time. So you would think she might still work as a teacher somewhere. I wonder if she has targeted anyone else since.

If a teacher did this at my children's school, I would think they were insane and needed the sack or psychiatric help.

I still think about this incident often as I suffer from depression and anxiety. Even when I am having a good day, these memories come back to me.

I realise this was a long time ago and the teacher had basically got away with this now. But I want her to face summer action over what she did. What can I do?

Op I suffered abuse from teachers at school, not illness this level but enough to frighten the life out of me. I was such a good kid too, there was no need for it. One teacher once made me stand on a chair and told the other children this is exactly how you should not dress. I think about it often too. Another teacher in secondary school had a thing against me, I was suffering from depression and OCD in the 90s, treated like I was naughty, I was terrified. This one teacher made my life hell, she was dep head. Later in life I came across her and she was in a consultancy role in schools. Just an awful human being. How do they keep thier jobs? I feel you 🫥

It can still happen now. Last year my son had the most awful teacher. We had heard in the grapevine that she wasn’t the best but as my DS was a hard working, rule abiding kid we had no concerns. He’s always had glowing reports before and an award every year.
It was like she had it in for him from day one. She would hold up his work as “and here we have an example of what NOT to do”, she would tell him off for minor things, mark down his work etc. when we went for parents evening I wondered if she was talking about another child as her description of him was just so far from what every other teacher said. We even approached other teachers to ask if they had seen a total change in personality and they were adamant not.
It was terrible. In the space of one year he went from a kid who always did the extra credit work, put his hand up for all the extra things to one coming home saying “there’s no point in trying because she always says I’m wrong”, “there’s no point trying out for extra responsibilities because she would never choose me”, he would complain of stomach aches, feel anxious, it was such a worrying time.

Luckily he hasn’t had her this year and we’ve gone back to normal glowing reports and he’s bounced back to the “try out for everything” kid that we had before.
I have no idea why this woman thinks teaching is the profession for her. She was awful in so many ways.

Thanks guys for posting your experiences. I'm sorry this has happened/is happening to other people too. In a way, I'm glad it's not just me that had been targeted.

Some people shouldn't be allowed near children. It's baffling why they get into these jobs in the first place. There were surely other choices of profession

Yup, I had this with one of my teachers. She decided that I’d disrupted the school play and told everyone not to speak to me, they all adored her so that was that for me, spent the rest of my school years with few to no friends. Even when it was proved beyond all doubt I didn’t do it, she still reminded everyone, every year, when the school play was on that I did. I was also banned from being in, or attending the play. No idea why she hated me so much. She died quite young so I was never was able to confront her about it. I totally would have though.

I understand.

We had a teacher who assaulted a child in front of the entire class. 6ft 4 man in his 30s who kicked a tiny 11 year old in the small of his back so hard he flew across the room and crashed into metal lockers.

It's etched in my memory and no doubt traumatised everyone who was there. I never found out what happened but he still taught.

It's not just you OP.

We had quite a few teachers, in my school, during the 80s who should never have been allowed to even be around children.
Later on, one of them was arrested for SA towards children.
Another used to punch the boys if they made a noise.
I couldn't wait to leave school.

Sorry that happened to you op. I wonder if she chose a new person each year to pick on.
I remember in 1982 I started secondary school and one of the subject teachers kept picking on this one girl. She was sitting in silence like the rest of us. It was really odd and at the time I thought it was because the girl was very pretty and I still think that. The girl certainly wasn't doing anything wrong. It wasn't as bad as what happened to you though and it eventually resolved when the girl lost it and said "you keep saying I'm throwing tantrums but I'm not." The teacher was nice to her after that. It sounds like yours was a terrible bully though and that would only have made things worse.

Most teachers leave within the first 5 years (sad but true)

She's unlikely to be teaching.

Those methods wouldn't be tolerated now in a school so its unlikely even if she was still teaching that would be happening

What do expect to happen retrospectively?

There was a teacher at my school op who was absolutely vile to me after my mother died. I was a very well behaved child and she was really nasty. I totally understand how you feel

Sounds awful. My son had a teacher like this. He's autistic and has adhd and this teacher would call him stupid and say "if everyone else can do it why can't you". Give him constant detentions when no other teacher did. The teacher refused to help him and the head teacher confirmed this in an email to me. She said the teacher felt he didn't listen and refused to explain things repeatedly for his benefit. I had other parents messaging me telling me their child had told them how horrible this teacher was to my son. The teacher retired soon after this incident. Literally only a few years ago.

Where were your parents when all.this was happening? Did you not tell them?
if a teacher had treated my child like that I would have taken their head off and shoved it where the sun Dont shine

I also had one teacher who victimised me, she was really nasty. I couldn't understand what was happening as I had always been teacher's pet in every other class. I remember being made to sit and finish my work while everyone else was listening to a story once, and another time I was using coloured pencils lightly to make pastel colours, she came to check everyone's work and announced "I can't STAND light colouring!" at the time I didn't think anything of this, it's only when I look back that I think - hang on a sec, why would you say that to a child? I also had apparently a comfort habit of rubbing the label in the side of my knickers, now admittedly, that probably was a bit of an inappropriate habit that should have been gently discouraged or redirected but apparently she told my mum I was a "disturbed child" and that I was doing something sexual. I was seven!

The worst thing that she did which really upset me was that one day, we were all practising the songs for our Christmas play, and when it was time to choose who would have a solo she asked who would like to have one. I put up my hand and she pointed at me and said "YOU can't have one because YOU weren't even singing with all the others!" It was a total lie, and I was so gobsmacked by it because I loved singing and was doing my best singing with all the others. She also told me I wasn't allowed to be in the school play and I would just have to be in the crowd. I didn't quite believe that I was being literally banned from the play, so I thought she just meant that I was losing the role that I had and being demoted to a general background chorus member, which is what I then did (and nobody questioned this) - it was only as an adult that I looked back and realised that she actually had tried to ban me from being in the play and then must have realised she couldn't actually do that so didn't stop me from doing the chorus stuff.

Anyway, I don't remember her name, or her face and she left about halfway through the year and we got my favourite ever supply teacher for most of the rest of the year, so it had a happy ending. But what a strange person she was. I think these things weren't that unusual. I expect there probably wasn't good training on things like how to control a class and I've heard some utterly horrific stuff from the 80s and before so it sounds like there really wasn't much supervision or guidance and some teachers developed some really awful methods of discipline. I do wonder if some of these teachers initially started work within that kind of environment and it was seen as a toned down version.

I have tried to look up for you about whether it's possible to make a complaint about a teacher so many years later, but it only seems to bring up historic cases relating to sexual abuse or misconduct, so I suppose nothing would happen. I expect you could write to the department for education and ask, though. It might be that she is no longer teaching anyway.

I guess I would just like some explanation as to what she thought she was doing. She got away with it at the time because I was just a child and didn't tell anyone. She should at least acknowledge what she did to me (and maybe others?) I know it won't happen. I don't know why I started the thread. I just had to get it out, I suppose.

I'm thankful for everyone for sharing their experiences too. It sad that it's happened so much

I had similar from my brownie leader ages 7-10. She was hateful to me , she just instantly disliked me. Would tell me how much she disliked me, force me to do jobs while the others played games. Refused to ever let me win anything and told me I would never be allowed to win (eg inspection - the smartest with all the correct things in pockets won a prize, fundraising- even if I got the most I would be disqualified etc etc) I was banned from pack holiday one year for no reason . She would always randomly scream at me ‘minus points!!’ For no reason. If I smiled she screamed in my face why was I laughing at her . She made me do 2 badges at a time telling me I had to do double to keep me out of trouble. There was so much more and she was awful !!!!

Some teachers are nasty. All you can do is move schools and report them to the appropriate authorities.

I'm sorry this happened to you too. This is very familiar. I was never allowed to win anything either. My teacher had a birthday thing she always did if it was someone's birthday, but left me out on purpose. So many little incidents to unleash her anger. So weird

When I was at school back in the seventies, there was an absolute bastard male teacher who made everyone's life a misery in his class.
He would yank you up from your seat by your hair and scream in your face that you were an imbecile, you were thick etc.
He would think nothing of crashing his long wooden ruler down across your shoulders or hands for the most minor infractions.
One day, he actually dragged one of the boys over the desk and started thrashing him.
The next morning, this boy's father stormed into the classroom and absolutely battered that teacher.
We were all agog as you can imagine.
We never saw that teacher in the school again.
Some people have absolutely no place with children or other vulnerable people.

OP you’ve basically just described. Teacher I had in the late eighties/early nighties. I wonder if it’s the same woman.

When I was at school we had a “lad” as a geography teacher. He was quite funny and sarcastic. I couldn’t stand him but kept my head down and he was ok with me. There was one boy in our class though who he just relentlessly took the piss out of to get laughs. He was really tall and slim and the teacher figured out he was wearing braces under his jumper rather than a belt and I remember him just ripping the piss - “why are you wearing them? Can’t find a belt small enough” and just being awful. The kid had a light moustache as he was Sri Lankan and he would constantly talk about that as well. It was so awful. Luckily this kid was popular and would answer back or mutter “prick” behind his back - but he never started it, he only responded when the teacher was particularly foul.

My dad said the teachers at his boys school in the 1950s were downright sadistic. He said looking back, a lot of them had been in the war and were probably suffering from PTSD but he said the way they would just launch into violence was unbelievable.
We put out boys down for a boys school and it was the only time my dad has ver questioned any of my decisions - he said his boys school was so violent and awful and he hoped mine would be ok (they were)

I had a teacher slap me once because the clas had gone wild and I was the most quite and timid child. Luckily my mum.went straight into school as soon as I told her.

I have a college lecture throw a wooden black board cleaner at a kids head then ask them why they came to England if they did want go learn. I was still timid but I stood up, called out and complained.

When my daughter with asd was dragged screaming into school by her wrists by the senco I decided we was at war.

You can not underestimate the impact my mums prompt action to defend me was. You protect your kids and being in a position of power with malice is dangerous. I'm sure if your parents didn't step up. I know we are supposed to bow down to school and teachers but you know if it's not OK to grab and pull your kid in your home, it's not OK at school. Trow a hard object with force aiming for the head, slapping a child in frustration.

I have s very deep mistrust of authority. I'm sure it stems from being 6 and slapped by person who should have been protecting me.

It is terribly hard to get over such things, unfortunately it was my parents in my case who falsely accused me of two major things, over of which I believe shaped the course of the rest of my life in many ways. When I think of these it makes me feel so bitter and then I have to make a conscious decision to stop thinking about it.

Looking back I can’t understand how I didn’t just refuse to go each week - it was absolutely horrendous but yet I’d do as my parents told me and get ready and go - it was 6-8 pm each Monday and I’d get home and at 830 the phone would ring and my mum would have a call usually half an hour of the leader calling her telling her what I’d apparently done wrong that session and encouraging her to punish me !! (She didn’t i used to hear her saying ‘but we have no problems like this as school - what you’re telling me doesn’t sound like my child ‘)

Bizarrely, I came across this at a summer school for adults years ago. The tutor picked on one woman in the class & was horrible to her in every session, treating her differently from the rest of us for no reason that I could see.

It was rather beautiful when, very near the end of the course, the organisation's administrators did the rounds of every class & when they came into our room one of them said, "Hello Mum!" to this poor lady. The tutor fawned over her erstwhile victim for the rest of the course & nothing was said, but we all knew the truth.

One male teacher I had dealings with when I was 12 used to send other boys down to the local shop to buy his cigarettes. His preferred method of corporal punishment was to make a boy (it was always a boy) repeatedly touch his toes ( varying time so you never when it was coming) and the play a baseball shot with the flat of a wooden metre ruler. Never happened to me but apparently it hurt like hell ( almost put buggery instead there before I though more about it)

Few years just after I left high school the new head made the press for insisting he should have the right to cane girls in the same way as boys