I am in SO much pain. Surely this can't just be because I am fat?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

This is really a question either for the medical or for my fellow fatties - I'm 5'6, about 14 stone (😬) and 39. I used to be around 10 stone. put on a lot of weight very rapidly about 5 years ago when my mum died, and ever since then have struggled with binge eating and the weight has continued to creep up.

So the past 6 months or so, I'm in horrible physical pain much of the time. It started with my knees, which have never been great since I went through a phase of running to work on concrete in my 20s (idiot). But now it's not just the odd twinge, I'll be literally limping and whimpering and climbing the stairs is murder. I've also developed a horrible permanent pain in my right foot which the internet tells me is plantar fasciitis. And I can't ever seem to get comfortable in bed as whichever way I lie seems to pull the base of my spine out of alignment and it feels strained.

I have a busy life, two small kids and one is at nursery and the other at school, so every day after work I have to do a very brisk march march up the road to nursery and then turn and walk very fast back to school to get the eldest (about 40mins fast walking - or jogging if im late!) all told. I've started to dread it with a mortal fear as I am in SO much pain - some days I'm literally limping and gasping with it, but I can't stop because obvs then no-one would pick up my kids (partner has the car as works in a different city). That's the low point of my day, but just getting out of bed and standing up in the morning is horrendous too, it hurts so much and I literally limp like a comedy pirate for the first 20 mins of the day my foots so bad.

The one time I went to the GP about my knees, she did the head tilt and talked to me about my weight (didn't even examine my knees), and that aches and pains are more frequent as we age so its important to take care of our weight to reduce that. I agree I am too fat and need to lose weight. I am trying. But I see people far fatter and older than me who don't seem to be in total agony as they walk around!? So is this normal and fixable by losing some weight? Or is there something I should be worried about?

Whilst losing weight won't do you any harm OP, I don't think this is about your weight. I'm same as you and only 5ft 4- having lost 2 stone- and even at 16 stone I didn't have those issues, although I did feel very sluggish and struggled a bit with tons of stairs etc

And you didn't read my follow up post, did you?
Do people on Mumsnet get off on this kind of thing because you're about the fifth person to make a snarky observation of my minor mistake? If so, I do hope everyone's taken some pleasure from their posts; I certainly haven't.

This

I'd bet your foot and knee pain are all related.

You need decent arch support in your shoes and wear them all the time. No walking bare foot or just in socks.

Seeing an osteopath or podiatrist would be good, but I appreciate it's costly.

There are lots of insoles for shoes on amazon .

@herewegoroundthebastardbush

That is so awful to read about the poor quality of life your Mum endured with her autoimmune diseases.
Please seek investigations to see if you have RA. I know for a fact (as other previous posters have said) that treatments have significantly improved over very recent years. So please don't despair.

If I may share this with you - I have MS (MS is also autoimmune). MS relapse treatments 20 or so years ago were basically steroids, before they discovered the disease modifying drugs that we now use - with a view to reducing relapses and therefore reducing the rate disabilities occur.

In my previous job, I nursed many patients with MS who had severe disabilities (District Nurse, so always saw the 'extreme'/late stages of almost all diseases) - so when I was diagnosed, I should have been extremely fearful for the future. But I have learnt that (although MS is still not curable) it is certainly controllable in a way that was not the case for the unfortunate souls of 20/30+ years ago. So please don't avoid seeking a diagnosis. If you do have RA, then NOT knowing will not help you and the damage will be greater.
Wishing you all the best.

£200 is a lot of money especially at this time of year and with the cost of living.

One of the main reasons I stopped my SSRIs was because I couldn't handle sorting out the medication reviews via the GP's byzantine system! Which I know is a crap reason but it was so, so difficult and stressful having to remember to bok an appt as I was getting low every few months, trying to get to actually speak to someone, and then failing, and then running out, and then having to reacclimatise to the dose once I finally got some, I couldn't handle it any more. Also to be fair even when I was on the SSRIs and doing well otherwise, I was still binge eating.

It's not the work that makes me anxious, it's not having the food. I become completely preoccupied about it.

I do think it is now at least partly physical addiction to the dopamine release (the type of food I want to binge on is exactly the kind of high fat high sugar UPFs that are more and more being identified as profoundly addictive.

I do think I am self-medicating my feelings as well, but it's not anxiety - it's loneliness, profound emotional loneliness and sadness. Like today - I have had a rough morning and yet I have felt no urge to binge yet today, because I'm talking to you all - ridiculous that just whinging to strangers on the net should fill that void but somehow it does.

I'll probably have a slump later on this afternoon and want to binge, because I've also been talking about some painful stuff which has picked a few emotional scabs and once this thread has died down the discomfort of that will kick in properly.

There isn't really a way to address that loneliness, except with endless counselling which I can't afford forever, and which is a bit hollow really - having to pay someone to pretend to care about your problems. I can't put it on my partner because he does not have the emotional range or empathy - it's not his fault, it's how he is. I will not ever put it on my kids, as was done to me. And it's hardly a great sell to one's friends, is it - "I want to see you so I can moan about all the things I'm down about". No-one should have to put up with that. They all have difficult lives and problems of their own.

I really don't know what WOULD help - one friend swears by 12 step programmes, but I have an issue with the 'higher power' bit that means I don't get too far with it. I'm hoping that if there are specialist services that they could help identify workable solutions because despite all my reading round and self-awareness, I can't seem to get it under my control.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush I missed the bit before where you mentioned the binge eating. Part of the NHS weight loss programme I was finally referred to in my mid-50s was that I saw a counsellor. It was a massive help. She is an expert in food issues. I don’t know what she did….but she helped me think more positively.

It might help get your head around whatever issues you have there. One thing she said was that a lot of people have very all or nothing thinking. You can eat well….then weaken when tempted by Dairy Milk, mini-Cheddars and Haribos. And instead of thinking that was a one-off you think all is wasted and go and do it over and over again. She helped me see that we all have lapses but the crucial thing is to feel you are able to get back to the healthy eating and move past the binging. Not to be too hard on yourself about it!

It is really hard to get referred and there is a waiting list. I finally got on the programme after breaking down in tears at the doctor’s when I realised I had piled on loads of weight again and just felt I could do nothing about it. It has been helpful. I am still heavier than you but at least it’s an improvement. That’s all I can say!

And it's hardly a great sell to one's friends, is it - "I want to see you so I can moan about all the things I'm down about". No-one should have to put up with that.

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1#:~:text=Now%20it's%20called%20journaling.,can%20be%20a%20great%20idea.

Have you tried Journaling? It's not for me as I tend to dwell anyway and need more distractions and engrossing tasks to get me out my own head - but did seem to help DS for a time.

I'm in exactly the same situation (2 years older). I've always been overweight but only recently had the foot pain. It first appeared 3 years ago when I moved to a city and upped my walking and having to carry all my shopping instead of driving everywhere. It improved massively after getting some insoles and disappeared, 3 years later it had returned, I have dug out my insoles, it doesn't seem to be helping, just sharp stabbing pain in my foot and limping. 😩i have no advice, just empathy and solidarity (and yes I will be working on loosing the weight).

I agree with you that ibuprofen can be helpful but not in isolation for extreme chronic pain as described by OP. Cocodamol even if closely monitored would really help OP manage her pain so she could exercise to lose weight. It doesn't have to be an either or approach!

I would like to add that any attempt to lose weight gained due to a trauma, such as a bereavement, should be accompanied by a good talking therapy. In fact I would suggest a talking therapy before pharmaceutical intervention, or at least alongside, but that is just my opinion, and you must do what you think is best.

Call Beat Eating Disorders if you are wobbling later on 08088010677 in the UK.

You are carrying SO much, work, pain, bereavement, pain, still breastfeeding as well. You are not weak for struggling - that is a LOT.

I haven't read all the replies, but I have binge eating disorder and a connective tissue disorder, so I did want to jump in.

First, take a look at the BEAT self-help programme, see if they have space: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/binge-eating-disorder/

I understand 100 per cent about the GP, but BED is an illness they should be referring you for help. The referral will take a long time, but it is something that takes a long time to tackle, so you should give it some thought. But yes, it is very hard to sit in the doctor's office feeling judged and having to explain that you eat three Swiss rolls like sandwiches out of the packet every day on the way to work, buying them in three different petrol stations, so you can pretend like your buying them for your colleagues and all the other secret eating you do etc. etc. etc. 😞

As others have said, sugar makes the pain so much worse - however, I have the same problem as you - trying to limit makes you binge even more. When I was working with a therapist, we worked on me eating foods with less than 4g of sugar per 100g, but not limiting quantities. Even if it was crap. So I wasn't getting the addictive sugary hit but I didn't have that feeling of not having access to food, which swings me further into the famine/binge cycle. So if I wanted to eat, I could. But I don't know if that's a good idea without the help of a therapist.

Oh and I got CBT and EMDR - classic talking therapy was of absolutely no use to me, and I think most people (eventually) get referred for CBT for binge eating.

Sorry, and if there is someone who could advocate for you, you could ask them to your doctor's appointment for support.

Or: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/finding-an-advocate/

Right, the horrible foot pain can be helped with PF exercises available on the NHs website that you do yourself. I had it for years not realising that's what it was and thought it was normal to wake up, get up and feel like I was walking on knives. Do these exercises religiously: www.uhcw.nhs.uk/download/clientfiles/files/Patient%20Information%20Leaflets/Trauma%20and%20Neuro%20services/Trauma%20and%20Orthopaedics/Plantar%20fasciitis.pdf

Ref the knee pain, probably linked to the PF too and both can, sadly be exacerbated by excess weight. If you work out how much excess weight you are carrying. Now imagine picking that amount up on top of your current weight and walking around with it you'd soon start to feel a strain on your joints. My friend lost lots of weight through Slimming World (and is keeping it off) and was in the garden one day moving sacks of compost. She realised that every sack she hefted was the same amount as the weight she'd lost and was suddenly gobsmacked by the burden she'd been carrying around.

Not a popular opinion, but your GP is spot on to get you to manage your weight as it is a factor that exacerbates or causes a myriad of health conditions. However a lot of the time the excess weight is not simply because you eat too much. It's often down to psychological reasons (trauma, comfort etc) get to the bottom of that at the same time as overhauling your diet and it could really help. In some nhs areas you can self refer to Steps to Wellbeing. You can also ask your GP for a weight loss plan and ask if your surgery has a weight loss/ management clinic.

Sorry I've not read the whole thread but hopefully the link and additional stuff helps/complements what others have said

Us it a possibility that you could have lipedema ? I was diagnosed with it myself and it is very painful.Diet and exercise have no effect on it, if you press eg your upper arm or leg it’s very painful , it also bruises really easily . I recently had surgery on my legs and the joint pain has improved tremendously . It is worth investigating . It may not be that but at least you could rule it out . Good Luck .

You understand. Thank you so much for posting. People mean well when they say "just don't have that stuff in the house" - little do they know it's not the stuff in the house that's the problem, it's not my meals that are the problem, it's the literally crazy behaviour around secret eating, stuff noone who doesn't have BED would even believe people do... Thank you for posting. I hope you are in a better place now with it (I'm starting to accept this is a condition I will always live with, I just want to get it under control) x

I think the issue with the GP is HOW they raise the issue of weight. Do they just say “you need to lose weight”. Or do they give actual help. Because it is so much more than eating less/moving more. There are emotional issues. There could also be help with resetting your approach and what you eat. The NHS people I saw were all of the view that diets don’t work as they are temporary. You need a complete review of everything you eat and how you approach it.

Most GPs have a very simplistic view and don’t help at all. I was just very lucky to speak to someone - a nurse actually - who finally hit the button to get me help. If it was so easy to sort weight problems just by telling people to eat less then we wouldn’t have an epidemic of obesity in this country. It is a really complex issue, harder to tackle than alcoholism or drug addiction because we ALL need to eat!!

BTW, have you tried swimming? Sounds like it may be hard to get the time, OP. But it’s an easy way to burn some calories without putting weight on your joints and I’ve found it brilliant for improving mobility.

There are treatments for RA. You could ask your GP to do some blood tests to check. If you have OA they will nag you to lose weight and that is really one of the best things you can do, though very hard as I know myself. Get some neoprene knee supports in the meantime, the ones that wrap around. Amazon do some good ones for about £8 or so. Don’t get the pull on ones as they dig into the back of the knee. Could you ask for a referral to physio? They should be able to help with some exercises and they are great for musculoskeletal problems, some of them an even refer on to appropriate services. Some offer hydrotherapy. Swimming is non-weight bearing and may help.

As for the secret junk food eating, I totally get it! First thing I ever did when I was a child and allowed out to the shops on my own for the first time was to buy three Mars bars and eat them straight down on the five mins walk home. There started a lifetime of binging. Because it wasn’t allowed at home to eat things like that!!

It’s very hard to solve. I don’t lapse much any more but it’s beyond logic. It’s a form of addiction. I also did that going to several shops so people wouldn’t know I was buying it all for me.

Much later, in mid-life I got close to the correct weight - merely overweight. But I put it on again without knowingly binging. It was a time of major grief and emotional pain. It’s so hard. A packet of Tangfastics will always have its allure. And who doesn’t love Dairy Milk?

OP

I was diagnosed with arthritis at 26.

It can't be cured but a lot can be done, pain meds, anti inflammatories, TENS machine, splints, show inserts and steroid injections.

Go back to your GP and say it is not weight related and insist on seeing a specialist.

I was in a similiar position to you last year. My feet were so sore and my back was in constant agony. I couldn't lie flat and the only time I was comfortable in bed was on my side with my knees as far into my chest as possible. It took so much effort to get out of bed in the morning or even getting out of the sofa and I thought I had the beginnings of arthritis. I am also very overweight (more than you). After struggling for so long I eventually arranged a doctors appointment over the phone and they referred me to a physio (perhaps they couldn't see how overweight I was and so just set up the referral). The physio gave me a few exercises for seniors to do (i'm only in my early 40s which made me want to cry) and told me that I need to tuck my bum in when I walk as I stick it out when walking. She also recommended proper trainers. Well I didn't follow the exercises for long but after making an effort to tuck in my bum and buying trainers (asiacs) and slippers with arch support (sainsburys) the pain suddenly starting improving and I am pain free today (just need to work on my weight now). Perhaps whilst waiting for a physio appointment you could change your shoes and slippers and see if that helps.

It is with me for life, the bingeing, but I am close to a healthy BMI, have been for at seven years and am in much, much less pain. Doing so much better. There is hope for improvement. There is. I can run. Run!