Sorry!! SIL and whatsapp I think I know IABU

[RubySunset82]

My older SIL is a bit of a control freak and likes things her way or the highway. Put it this way her own DS was NC for a period of time and has only recently gone LC. After about 6 years her DS and kids came to a family event at SIL house.

Every year SIL and BIL will go away with their kids when it’s my kids birthdays. But expect us to come to their kids bday parties. This was the first year we didn’t as it really upset my 7 year old that she didn’t have her cousins at her bday party.

Now SIL is responding on whatsapp to family messages but ignoring mine about Xmas presents for the kids!!

I know I should ask DH to just ask his DB. But it’s totally pissing me off! I know SIL likes to do this shit then she’ll respond like Xmas eve and we’ll all
rush out to buy for her kids as per every year!

Read my thread and I also have a SIL problem!

Leave her to her power games. Solidarity with you.

My SIL does this. I'll post a photo to the family group chat. NOthing. DH posts a photo and she'll be all over it. It used to wind me up, but now I realise it's all part of her game so I now don't post anything.

I know I should ask DH to just ask his DB

Yes do that. I have a sister. There is no world in which my husband and her husband would be the ones communicating between our families over Christmas presents or anything else. This sexist attitude towards what is “woman work” really irritates me.

SIL sister has gone NC then LC.

thanks for the opinions. Yes I am starting to come across as toxic, and everyone who said to take a step back are absolutely right, I just need to reign in the anger. It’s misplaced, like PPs have said they’re doing their own thing.

and yes absolutely the wife work element of my life is huge!!!! I am carrying quite a load here, big step back in future for sure.

i appreciate everyone giving my head a bit of a wobble!

When was the last time you sat down with a hot chocolate, a book and a mind empty of ‘need to do, must do’? When was the last time you belly laughed at something together as a family?

Sit down in that tiny window of ‘quiet’ between Christmas and new year and make a list of absolutely ALL the ‘wife work’ you do. Then evaluate….

1. how much of it is non-negotiable ‘you’ work and/or absolutely required for family life to function.
2. how much of it is actually unnecessary nonsense that has come from perceived societal pressures that you can immediately bin off and just stop doing.
3. which bits just create completely unnecessary drama and stress.
4. which bits can be shared out to husband and children (in age appropriate ways).
5. how much some bits actually need doing (i.e. is it really needed to mop the kitchen floor 4 times a day etc.)
6. how your family can make things easier/less stressful (technology, outsourcing, reorganisation etc)

Then talk to husband and children about the changes you want and need to make. Frame it as something you need to change as a team to really be able to generate that fun, relaxed family feel.

Better yet, post your list on here so we can help you be ruthless with the unnecessary crap!

Well brilliant op. Fuck her and get on with your life. We wont be here forever.

Never waste your time worrying what other people do. Carve your own path on any decisions you make and stick to it. People can walk around you.
You'll get nowhere constantly making stops and detours for them. X

PostItInABook suggestion is great. Do try to do it. Its actively tackling a problem you can actually change.

You need to get past the holidays thing. I am not rearranging my holidays around anyone else's child even a niece/nephew's.

The Christmas thing - agree just choose yourself at the price point you want to pay. If she moans you simply say in the absence of suggestions I bought what I thought they would like.

I know I should ask DH to just ask his DB. But it’s totally pissing me off! I know SIL likes to do this shit then she’ll respond like Xmas eve and we’ll all
rush out to buy for her kids as per every year!

Just dont buy them anything. Send a tin of quality street as a family present.

When I first posted I thought omg I’m going to get flamed!!! But totally thank you everyone for all the golden nuggets I’m going to deffo bow out next year from organising!

@PostItInABook your post is just brilliant thank you.

Totally agreed with @PostItInABook Hand over your dh's family to him, get him to communicate with his own brother! Why are you doing wife work?

100% this.

This trivial crap is why women will never have equality.