He ended it... how did I come across to him?

[Winterlandsky]

We had been together on and off for 2 years. We have never "officially" ended things until now. It was done via text message - which tbh does not bother me. Anyway back to my point. I was to my surprise very happy that it he ended it and also relieved. I enjoyed spending time with him etc but I could no longer see a future in us for many reasons.

It was a very short to the point message and I was not going to reply and just move on but something told me to just reply something. Therefore I asked why and also kind of sent a flirty message a few hours later. He didn't answer my question when I asked him why and i couldn't care less tbh. I have not contacted him since and nor do I wish to.

However I'm now thinking that he thinks he has got one over on me and his ego is even bigger. Should I have gone with my first thought and not even message him back? Do the messages I sent come across like I'm hurt or bothered?

Does it honestly matter? It’s over- move on and have a great life!

You shouldn't have replied but i think it's normal to be honest and who cares what he thinks at this point. Just don't message him again.

You sent a flirty text message after he ended it. You have come across desperate.

Why would he think he had one over on you?

If you weren't bothered you would have just shrugged your shoulders and accepted it. So , sure you look a bit bothered. Does it matter?

The fact you’re posting about it indicates that you are bothered. But you shouldn’t be. Even if he does think he’s “got one over” on you, texting him literally anything at all isn’t going to make him change his feelings about that. Another text would only inflate them.

You sound quite juvenile.

The grown up thing to say would have been along the lines of.. 'thanks for the good times, best wishes...'

But you do you!

I should have gone with my first thought in which I did actually just shrug my shoulders and was not even going to reply but I stupidly felt that it would come across that I didn't care (which I didn't). I'm just too nice sometimes 🙄. You live and you learn I suppose. At least I'm not heartbroken even if he does think I am. I'm actually the opposite 😊

Did you text to say 'If I'd known it was the last time I would see you..'

Harness some self respect and end all communication.

I wouldn't worry...it's over and it sounds like you're fine with that so it really doesn't matter what he thinks!

However the asking why and trying to reel him in with a flirty message does sound a bit needy? Which is odd, because you don't sound like you do need anything from him! Were you just trying to have the last word/ prove you could have him if you wanted? So yes you probably have given him a little ego boost there. But who cares, it's over and you are moving on to better things 🙂

Why would you send a flirty message? It comes across as playing games. It must bother you to be even posting.

You are bothered though, your actions speak volumes. He’s ended it. Move on.

DoubleTime Just what I was thinking! 🤣

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight Thanks for you response. It wasn't a flirty message to that would be to reel him in. It was more of a we will never see eachother again "in that way" iyswim. But you're right, I don't need anything from him and I'm very happy to be moving on from him.

I probably shouldn't have put "flirty". It was more of a nice way of cementing the fact that it is over.

I swear I saw the other side of this situation posted on here the other day 😂

100% this! Who are these people who try to navigate their breakups by both posting on AIBU?

I definitely would have replied.
It would have been a bit childish if you didn’t.

I wouldn’t have asked why and I definitely wouldn’t have sent multiple messages or been flirty/mentioned sex.

It does sound like you’re upset over this but what’s done is done.
Whats important now, is deleting his number and all messages so you are not tempted to contact him again.
If he does ever contact you, then don’t reply and just delete it straight away.

Of course he will think he's got one up on you. He's finished it, you've asked why (suggesting you care why), and then you've sent something flirty. I think you know how that comes across which is why you've posted.

@Nowherenew What you you have replied, just out of curiosity? I assumed asking for his reasons was the "correct" thing to do. Although I didn't care either way.

What would you have replied.

The only way to have class and dignity in this would have been to say it was nice spending time together but you agree it wasn’t going anywhere and then wish him well. Then never message again.

your response was cringy and desperate, why on earth would you send a flirty message , why would you send multiple texts when he’d not responded? It’s all too needy and clingy.

you made a mistake here , just move on now though , don’t make it any worse and remember next time.

The best way to respond would have been not to try to keep the conversation going by sending him messages after he ended it. That looks needy and like you are desperate to keep his attention, and yes, it may well have fed his ego and/or annoyed him that you haven't accepted that it is over. But done is done, so the best thing to do now is not to message him again, and get on with your life.

@sonjadog I didn't try to keep the conversation going.
I sent 2 very short messages. I don't think that is unusual at the end of a 2 year break up.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally I think agreeing with him would have looked very fake and that I'm just trying to cover up my "hurt" so I disagree with that.

You said in your OP that you asked him a question "why". That is an attempt to keep the conversation going.

It's okay that you sent messages to him. Don't beat yourself up over it. I have done it too to men who dumped me when I was younger (and less cynical). But it isn't a good thing to do for your own self-esteem. So try to take this as a learning moment about what you want to do in the future.