To not want to meet this man in person

[iwalkirun]

I've had no luck with dating men my age so decided to cast my net wider, to older men.
I'm in my late 30s; he is 50.
We match on one of the OLD apps.
We had a video call on the app and the conversation was great, however he looks much older and not someone I feel attracted to.
Perhaps it's because he was home in sweat clothes? He just didn't look well groomed and toned. I pointed out that he looked slightly different from his photos

He is asking for my personal number and to meet in person straight away. He keeps saying he wants to get off the app as it's frustrating and needs to know where I stand. What's that got to do with me? I didn't ask him to join the app. Why make me feel part of the decision-making in staying on longer or not?
AIBU to feel rushed (even though I'm desperately want to meet someone).
AIBU to not want to meet him because I feel he looks older?

Anyone with experience with older men on OLD?

if you don’t want to then don’t - you’ll regret it if you do! You are definitely not being unreasonable, I’d block and move on!

YANBU to not want to meet him for any reason whatsoever (or no reason).
Unmatch and block. And certainly don’t give out your personal number ever unless you’re happy with someone but I know you know that as you feel uncomfortable.
OLD is a minefield indeed but I met my very nice DP online who was 7 years older than me - and I’m mid-50’s now. However did weed out a few on the way.

No experience with men on OLD because I’m too old for that but years ago I had a similar experience with an older man through a dating company.

I actually met him in person, off a plane, from Scotland, his picture he’d supplied was I’d say about ten years old. Very disappointing. He looked a grandad basically, I don’t mean that nastily, but at the time I was 36.

he’d have a been a lovely friend but it wasn’t for me, trust your instincts and do whatever you younger people do, swipe right?, or block.

and I always seemed to meet people when I wasn’t looking but the world is a different place today, I did however marry a fantastic man who is 15 years my senior

It's not even that he looks older it's that he lied by using a misleading photo. It's a big red flag, it will only get worse from here. I've overlooked the same and it was a nightmare. He also sounds creepy so I would block.

Of course YANBU. If you're not attracted to him then don't meet in person. The fact he's pressuring you is a red flag. Whether or not he stays on the app is up to him.

Any doubt DO NOT give him personal number or meet

Doesn't look like his profile picture, pushing your boundaries, rushing to meet in person, asking for personal information...

These are all massive red flags.

Unmatch and block. You don't owe him your attention or a meet up. Report him too via whatever reporting system the app has.

Don't meet him. And please don't be using dating apps if you have trouble saying NO WAY the moment you are being pressed to do something you don't want to do. And why would you meet a man you are not physically attracted to, just because he asks you to?

Nah, cut that off.

Do not underestimate how incredibly lucky a 40 year old should feel to be dating a woman in her 30s.

Do you want kids?

Thank you everyone. I will unmatch him.
I want kids. He doesn't have kids and said if it happens oh well, but he isn't bent on it.
I noticed when I then said for me, it's not a maybe, I have to have kids, he then began saying he is open to it with the right person.

He is well accomplished career-wise, and so am I and he knows that. But pressuring me to meet quickly made me feel that these are the other subtle ways he thinks there's a power imbalance due to the age difference.
To make it clear, I said NO to him explicitly.
He asked for my number to call me. I said no, let's speak via the app on this day and this time if convenient for you. So, I'm very intentional about defining my boundaries.

When I was 12, I went on my first 'date' with a boy. I was so nervous and my best friend issued advice that has stood me well all these years later, 'you don't have to kiss him if you don't want to'.

If you don't want to meet this man, you don't have to! Just say nicely that you have decided you'll not be taking this any further forward. You don't owe him an explanation or a reason either.

'You don't have to kiss him if you don't want to'.

If you want kids with a partner stop messing around with guys in their 50s.

Have a fertility MOT, look after yourself well and maybe take some different perspectives on how you're going about dating men in their late 30s/30s - what kind of thing you're going for, who you're ruling out etc.

All your questions are about how he feels and what he wants, this virtual stranger whom you’re not even attracted to. Would you buy a jumper you don’t want in the wrong size and colour that looks terrible on you, just because the shop assistant said it looked ok and was in a hurry to sell it?!

OLD is a bit of a brutal bunfight. You need to be very sure of what you want, set your boundaries accordingly, and not be guilted into mopping up random men’s wants and needs. He isn’t what you want so let him know that, move on and don’t worry about it.

In case you didn’t realise, you’ve had a name change fail OP

You have doubts. That's enough to say no. His age is not the issue.

Thank you for flagging. I didn't realise

I had similar issues when in late 20s- early 30s
i remember vividly going on a date with this guy who had “a bad hip” he said at the end it wasn’t my fault but I made him feel so old. For me, I felt like I was on a date with one of my dad’s mates.

anyway I set up profile to match with men up to 6 years younger and that’s how I met my amazing DH. He was 28 I was 34… we are married with kids and generally super happy.

i met quite a few other guys who were younger and generally they had less weirdness and baggage vs guys 10+ older than me

Loads of people look rubbish on video chat though, don't they? Particularly older people often seem less able / bothered to set up their camera to make them look good. It's much easier to give off a good image from photographs where you have the choice. I find people in real life usually have an attractiveness somewhere in the middle of how they look on video calls and how they look on good photos.

If he hadn't wanted to be creepy he could have offered you his phone number if you wanted to call him.

No he is a self-centred creep his behaviour and intentions give us this "tell"

Avoid and try younger guys, not someone looking for a nurse with a purse!

It's not just about how he looked though. She didn't like the things he said either.

No. Do not meet him. Ever!

Nah...bin him off, you don't owe him at date!

Oh god no, bin him. Many older men on OLD are looking for nurse and a purse and will say they are "open" to having kids but very, very rarely mean it, it's just a ruse to string young women along.

Maybe we met the same guy - sounds very similar to an experience I had!

I went on an actual date with the guy though - he was extremely overweight and looking nothing like his photos! To the point I couldn't recognise him. I stayed out of politeness but refused another date. He harassed me afterwards to the point I had to block him.

These men are just trying to go out with women who they know are way out of their league. "When she meets me and sees what a great guy I am, she won't care about my appearance". Not realising that the lying is deeply unattractive and the only reason they're putting up fake photos is because they themselves feel entitled to hotties.

I forgot to say, I don't think you should meet him.