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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet this man in person

34 replies

iwalkirun · 26/11/2023 07:18

I've had no luck with dating men my age so decided to cast my net wider, to older men.
I'm in my late 30s; he is 50.
We match on one of the OLD apps.
We had a video call on the app and the conversation was great, however he looks much older and not someone I feel attracted to.
Perhaps it's because he was home in sweat clothes? He just didn't look well groomed and toned. I pointed out that he looked slightly different from his photos

He is asking for my personal number and to meet in person straight away. He keeps saying he wants to get off the app as it's frustrating and needs to know where I stand. What's that got to do with me? I didn't ask him to join the app. Why make me feel part of the decision-making in staying on longer or not?
AIBU to feel rushed (even though I'm desperately want to meet someone).
AIBU to not want to meet him because I feel he looks older?

Anyone with experience with older men on OLD?

OP posts:
Mazuslongtoenail · 26/11/2023 09:22

Don’t meet him. He’s already shown he puts his own needs above yours.

whatisheupto · 26/11/2023 09:24

Obviously don't meet him! Why are you feeling obliged to meet him? You don't owe him anything. You just say 'I don't want to meet up, it's not right for me - Good luck in your search!'

You might need to explore the reasons you feel like you have to do something you don't want to do OP. Why do you feel this man holds some sort of power over you?

Pigeonqueen · 26/11/2023 09:27

You’re going to have to grow a much thicker skin if you’re going to survive online dating. You’re giving this way too much headspace. You don’t fancy him, he isn’t right, press the block button and move on. I blocked soooooo many people before I met my now dh. Kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince and all that! And yeah if you want kids and you’re in your 30s you need to look for someone your ish age or younger. I was divorced with one child already when I met dh - he was 23 and I was 31. We have been together 16 years now and have a dc together.

EvelynKatie · 26/11/2023 09:29

Block and move on. Online dating is a numbers game! It took me years of it to finally meet my now DH.

Original poster
iwalkirun · 26/11/2023 09:30

bibop · 26/11/2023 09:20

Maybe we met the same guy - sounds very similar to an experience I had!

I went on an actual date with the guy though - he was extremely overweight and looking nothing like his photos! To the point I couldn't recognise him. I stayed out of politeness but refused another date. He harassed me afterwards to the point I had to block him.

These men are just trying to go out with women who they know are way out of their league. "When she meets me and sees what a great guy I am, she won't care about my appearance". Not realising that the lying is deeply unattractive and the only reason they're putting up fake photos is because they themselves feel entitled to hotties.

I'm sorry you had similar experience.
This one's lived life and perhaps now wants to settle down now that he's older and out of shape. He was probably the kind who failed to commit to anyone in his prime.

OP posts:
Wavyline · 26/11/2023 09:32

You don't want to meet this man in person - don't then.
Why on earth are you analysing this?

Melodysmum12 · 26/11/2023 09:37

iwalkirun · 26/11/2023 07:18

I've had no luck with dating men my age so decided to cast my net wider, to older men.
I'm in my late 30s; he is 50.
We match on one of the OLD apps.
We had a video call on the app and the conversation was great, however he looks much older and not someone I feel attracted to.
Perhaps it's because he was home in sweat clothes? He just didn't look well groomed and toned. I pointed out that he looked slightly different from his photos

He is asking for my personal number and to meet in person straight away. He keeps saying he wants to get off the app as it's frustrating and needs to know where I stand. What's that got to do with me? I didn't ask him to join the app. Why make me feel part of the decision-making in staying on longer or not?
AIBU to feel rushed (even though I'm desperately want to meet someone).
AIBU to not want to meet him because I feel he looks older?

Anyone with experience with older men on OLD?

Eurgh god no! I could never be that desperate I would date a 50 year old I’m not attracted to!! You need to have more respect for yourself!

Keepinmovin · 26/11/2023 09:39

Definitely block and move on. As PP said it's a numbers game and you need to get through a lot of numbers to find someone decent but it does happen! Eventually

cmaalofshit · 26/11/2023 10:09

Just block him.
End of.
If you're using OLD you'll have to be more brutal. If you aren't getting on with someone, or they seem creepy, or they are pushing you to meet and you don't want to, just send a quick message saying sorry, this isn't going to work for me. Then block.

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