To be surprised DS knows about sexuality?

[Moisdrol]

I was chatting with DS, 7, earlier this afternoon and we were talking about his friends in school and he mentioned that he thinks his friend is a lesbian because he caught her looking at Millie Bobby Brown on Google images twice. I was quite surprised by this because I or DH have never mentioned anything about sexuality before (not that I have a problem with him knowing about LGBT topics). When I asked him why he thought she might be a lesbian he just said because he thinks she has a crush on Millie Bobby Brown. I never knew about sexuality at 7 so I’m really surprised by his peers knowing about it. I’ve also heard kids in his class using bad language which was shocking to me. Is this common??

I'm surprised he knows what a "crush" is. It's a bit young to really understand the difference between being a friend and being in love, isn't it?

But knowing that you can have two mums/men can marry men - that's not something that phases young children.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say I agree - I think 7 is really young to be knowing / understanding / talking about sexuality and crushes.

Neither of my two were at that age. And they have a gay uncle, married to his husband, that my two are very close to.

It was more like 10 or 11.

🤷🏻‍♀️

@SnuggleBuggleBoo

@avemariiiiiaaaa But surely by wading in when little Muhammed is telling his classmate that their parents will go to hell for being gay is not respecting and tolerating HIS faith? How do you tread that line? I'm thinking in a non-sectarian school you can neither tell Muhammed his views are abhorrent nor reassure young Josie that OF COURSE her daddies will be welcomed into heaven, because that's just putting forward your own personal beliefs.

I'm not being goady, just genuinely interested as to how you or other teachers would handle this situation.

---

--

Nobody wades in on little Muhammad. Because when someone is being unkind towards little Muhammad and his beliefs, they are also told the correct way to behave and speak their views.

I think a parent telling a child they would make god angry and not go to heaven is abhorrent.

They could just explain their faith in a way that isn't going to scare young children or cause problems in school if they talk about them.

At the end of the day when you choose a school for your child that has a variety of faiths, and social and cultural backgrounds you don't get to trump everyone else and alienate people.

I wouldn't tell the parent or the child I think the way they have expressed their belief is abhorrent, because that is my opinion. But I would educate that child in school about the correct way to uphold their views without being unkind or disrespectful to others. Especially when there is a child in the class with two mothers who are also very much minority group and at risk of feeling excluded.

The very essence of British Vales in schools is that all opinions matter, we follow the rules (law in later life), we are free to make our own choices, we accept and tolerate differences and we always be respectful to each other.

That's how we deal with all differences of opinion.

The poster earlier who accused me of being racist went quiet 🤔

Tbf my sons school has always had families of different shapes, types and sizes and for him it was all normal from a young age.

Just thinking about this, maybe the disagreements about age relating to whatever ‘crush feelings’ are is to do with hormones. I got my period a couple of months before I was 10, so it may just be different stages of development. If you don’t go through puberty until you’re 13/14, perhaps you don’t ’notice’ people like that until later?

Oh give over!

I've had some parents tell me they don't want their kids to know about sex until secondary school 🙈

Of course you do!

If at seven you knew that sometimes girls and boys like each other and get married when they’re grown ups, then you knew about sexuality.

@SamphireAndSalmon I know I certainly did, but as I said I went through puberty relatively early. Maybe those that are saying they don’t remember having those feelings till much later were later ‘bloomers’.

I was definitely about 8. I had massive crushes on both River Phoenix and Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club. It wasn’t just that I admired them or wanted to be their ’friend’ as a PP said. I may not have had much concept of sex but I definitely wanted to hold their hand and kiss them! 😆

It doesn't surprise me that a 7 year old knows that relationships and families can look different. It's reasonable for them to know that two women and two men can be in a relationship, some children have two mummies, some children live with different adults from their families etc.

It does seem unusual to me that a 7 year old would draw a conclusion about a friend's sexuality from the friend googling someone a couple of times. That's a bit of a leap.

I don't remember when I found out about sexuality but you've reminded me of a funny story. When I was a nanny we ran into a neighbour on our way out of the apartment building. He said "wow you look so beautiful today. Stunning". I was having a little smile to myself as we got on to the road when the 5 year old turned round and said "Sorry Sammy, I think he's gay". He was and I knew he was (we spoke often) but it really made me laugh.

@Simonjt that's not sexuality though. At that age they think they can marry their sister. They have no understanding of sexuality, just love (family love), friendship, and parties (weddings).

To me there are three different stages at least in children understanding sexuality.

When very young in early years they learnt and see families of parents of opposite and same sex. They accept this without considering the complexities of sexuality.

Then say around 7 +, children do have crushes, I certainly did! And I did not want them as my friend. This is within normal development it is the foundations of what goes on to develop into an adult's sexuality. It should not b dismissed nor down graded to "friend" because that leads to shame of their natural normal for some children.

But families with mum and grandma, or mum, stepmum and dad are not those formed through a sexual attraction.
Children know who cares for them and who lives together but this doesn't mean they know anything about sexual attraction.
My DCs are adopted and know they have two mums. Those mums don't live together or have a crush on each other!
I know people who say "I had a crush on X when I was 6" but mostly that's hindsight.

How is a family with a mum stepmum and dad not formed through sexual attraction.

I'd be more concerned that he's making a judgement and forming an opinion because she's looking at images of a female.

My son who is 5 came home saying he learnt about same sex male marriage in school, and my 3 year old son said nursery told him about some people having 2 mums, although they then said they were then going to marry each other and when I said they couldn't as they were brothers they said when they were men they would no longer be brothers!

@basculin I really really hope that mum and stepmum are not attracted to each other and yet for many children these will be their "two mums", as with my DCs there is me and birth mum.

But the mum and stepdad are presumably attracted to each other.

Have a look at the Rainbow flag award. A lot of schools are doing it. It doesn't just teach LGB. It also teaches about trans and gender. I personally think that it takes it too far, too soon, but I know a lot of parents don't mind.
Also, nearly every new Disney film or other kids films have LGBTQ+ characters in them now.

They do find themselves exposed to these concepts early, but it is not necessarily a good thing, as it encourages the use of labels. To a 10 year old GC who had said she thought she might be gay, her Dad very sensibly said - that's OK but you do not need a label - you are just you and we love you. Time enough to be thinking about that.

Well yes, but to a 6 year old these are all "parents" so being attracted to another parent doesn't even cross their radar.

I imagine tomes have moved on since you were 7. I'm sort of surprised you are surprised by this!