Moving in with bf finances

[Concannon88]

My friend is moving in with her bf, they've been together about 9 months. She says they are in love, shes 27 and hes 39 not sure if this is relevant? Shes very hard working and he works part time but is semi bank rolled by mum and dad. He owns his own home and she rents so shes moving into his. This is the bit that I thought was a bit iffy. Hes said she doesnt need to pay any money towards the mortgage. But expects her to pay all living expenses, including food and council tax and for any social activities they do. I've never lived with someone so dont know if this is a normal arrangement or not? She seems to think it's a great idea

Major red flag.

Tell her she can have a relationship without living together, 9 months is too soon,

Not a chance. My partner lives with me in my house. He doesn't pay towards the mortgage as it's my house and that's how I want it but all other bills are halved equally.

Also, absolutely this

Is he definitely even still paying a mortgage? They should at least be 50/50 on everything. Massive red flag.

If in the unlikely event his mortgage is equal to the amount he's asking her for its fair. What about utilities? Internet? Sky etc ? Who is paying them? If he was paying the mortgage and utilities I may be inclined to think it's fair depending on the amount he is paying. Is there a reason he's only part time?

I think so, hes told her his mum and dad paid his deposit (along with an ex' deposit) and then when they split up they bought her out, they also transfer him £300 a month towards the mortgage.

I would honestly expect her to be paying the equivalent of half of everything, but with regards to social activities I'd expect him to also contribute to those.

No he wants her to pay all the direct debits. So hell only have one outgoings- the mortgage. I thought it was dodgy as shes going to be bank rolling him, and at the end he'll have a house and savings and she wont have much. But I suppose hes trying to protect his house that hes kind of paid into.

In that case it's definitely dodgy and she should run a mile

This bloke's a freeloader. He's sponging off his parents and expects your friend to cover all his other expenses. She would be really, really stupid to accept this.

Sorry forgot to say, I think hes part time because he doesnt need to work any more as his mum and dad really do fund him. I wouldnt be happy with that, when hes 39. But I suppose it's upto hert

Protect his house from what? If they split up, she gets nothing.

So his parents part bank roll him...now hes wanting to close his spending gap by having your friend bank roll his expenses...which is what it is. tell her not to move in.

He's just using her, tell her 9 months is way too soon and that a decent partner would not set terms like this.
He would benefit with her paying just half the utility bills let alone the whole lot and extra activities.
She would be a mug to agree.

God knows. He sounds a bit of a mysonginst and a bit of an idiot if I'm being totally honest. Apparently him and the ex werenr married, and when they bought her out it was way over the odds and they bought her a new car too so she wouldnt go after more than her share in the house, which kinda sound counter productive to me. I think he thinks all women are out to get what they can.

She needs to put aside the equivalent of his mortgage as her “equity” pot, and they share the bills. Then if they split, they both have their own security.

It's so difficult when shes so excited, I've tried being diplomatic about it but shes looking at the whole thing through rose tinted glasses. Shes pretty much paid for every date and weekend away theyve ever been on and the guy is a big drinker and that alone is costing her alot

She's going to be fleeced by him and it doesn't sound like anything you say will make any difference!

Just tell her it sounds unfair to you and he's going to be making money off her moving in. She should pay half of the bills etc. He owns the house so pays all the mortgage as well as his half.

If she is planning to have children within shes going to be in a very dire situation if they split and they never marry!

This. What is she thinking???

Then you can't do anything about it im afraid.

I live with DP in his house. Albeit i have bought my own house and moving into that when it goes through. I will have been here for 1 year.

I pay nothing towards his mortgage and bills. But I pay for all the food, household stuff and put away £250 a month for him. He asked for this as he didn’t want to get used to the money. When I move out he says he wants to use it for us to go on holiday.

we have done this as we both want our own property and he says he was paying it before I moved in. I don’t want a claim, but want to pay my way. He said that covers half the bills and he gets a proper meal each day.

The £250 is your money you save for him,

She’s got herself a pet! I wouldn’t move in with anyone after 9 months and most definitely not under these conditions. Tell her to wait until they are committed to each other. A grown man who still relies on mummy and daddy would be a huge no too!

Sadly there are a lot of stupid women like your friend out there who end up breeding with these assholes then end up stuck with no way out.

Send her the link to MN so she'll have somewhere to cry about it in 3-5 years time.