Moving in with bf finances

[Concannon88]

My friend is moving in with her bf, they've been together about 9 months. She says they are in love, shes 27 and hes 39 not sure if this is relevant? Shes very hard working and he works part time but is semi bank rolled by mum and dad. He owns his own home and she rents so shes moving into his. This is the bit that I thought was a bit iffy. Hes said she doesnt need to pay any money towards the mortgage. But expects her to pay all living expenses, including food and council tax and for any social activities they do. I've never lived with someone so dont know if this is a normal arrangement or not? She seems to think it's a great idea

Big red flag

Yes sane.

Food and bills like council tax and elec we go 50/50. Anything house ownership related (new boiler) I pay.

I do occasionally get him to pay for a holiday as he is getting a good deal (though I have paid when it's a holiday with my parents and not his idea of a grand time)

Both of us save money by living together.

Please tell her clearly this is a big mistake.

Hmm.
No she moves in and pays 50% of everything except his mortgage, he wouldn't want her money going toward his asset, fair enough.
That doesn't mean he becomes bill free, and gets a housemaid who will cook for him and Shag him too...
All for paying for part of the roof over their head, because mummy and daddy help him with that too.

The notion that he allows his parents to help pay his mortgage and he will financially profit out of her moving in, massively, not just sharing here. But completely moving the responsibility to her would give me the ick.

Is she vulnerable OP?

OP there is a horrendous thread about a woman who did a similar thing a few years ago and she is now in an awful position and so vulnerable financially. Please make your friend read it before she agrees to this. Will try to link...

DP doesn't help with baby costs? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4949162-dp-doesnt-help-with-baby-costs

I think she is, she was abused as a child and neglected so any time showe any affection she is massively grateful and really fears rejection. She has had bad luck boyfriend wise, always seems to marry men who are very charming in the beginning and then they back off if she doesnt do everything they demand. Going to message her later to see if I can bring it up again.

If she paid money towards the mortgage, then she would have a claim to a share of it

Tell her to break up with that man child. Disgusting his parents give him money for his mortgage.

If they’ve only been together 9 months then I can understand him not wanting her to pay on the mortgage but all other bills and household chores should be split 50/50. Tell your friend she is not to be held hostage by him by believing she needs to pay all the bills and do all the housework just because she’s not paying towards the mortgage. Also tell her to be careful that he could literally throw her out at any point and she would be homeless.

Sounds like her mind is already made up though, so not alot you can do.

She needs to work out what this household budget actually looks like. It will likely shock her.

She can get council tax costs etc easily enough, maybe ask him what the gas/elec is but again can make a reasonable stab. I would say triple if nit more her food costs - as he will demand 'caviar' daily. And I'd assume the social costs will increase also.

Then look at the cost if buying the house, and a mortgage on say a 10% deposit....

I suspect the numbers will be an eye opener and she will quickly work out she cannot afford it AND that his is taking the mickey.

And don't tell me she's expected to do all the cooking/cleaning too as well as be his sex slave...

I feel sorry for your friend, but she would be absolutely batshit to support this man child. She needs help to understand that this isn’t normal and she can do better. Unfortunately she’s an adult and you can’t make her listen so she may have to learn the hard way but if this was my friend I would have to tell her just how naive she was being. A decent man would not ask this of his so-called partner.

He must be laughing his head off at the thought of someone being so stupid as this.

She will pay for everything.

No wonder he wants her to move in.

Having had to split the house with his ex
I can see why he’d want to protect his house and not put himself in that position again being honest who wouldn’t
so the house maintenance and mortgage cost 100% down to him

all living cost like bill’s utilities and food should be 50/50
expecting her to pay it all is taking the piss

In 2010 my girlfriend moved in with me after about 3 months. We’ve recently celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. It’s always best to split things 50/50 when you first move in together though in my opinion

No wonder her BF wants her to move in!
His parents give him £300 towards the mortgage and he wants her to pay all bills and food!
39 year old child
I guess she won't listen when you tell her she's being used
All you can do is be there if/ it all goes wrong