To wake my husband up to settle baby

[Uramotherharry]

We have two beautiful DC, both of which have been horrendous sleepers. We have found with DC2 that he settles so much better with DH than me (I think me leaving the room triggers separation anxiety).

DC2 is 16 months but still wakes up once through the night about 3 nights a week (mainly to be handed back dummy). If I go back into resettle I must sit with him with hands through cot bars for about 40 minutes until he is in deep enough sleep to not realising I’m going back to bed. HOWEVER if my husband goes into the room, he can lie DS on his side and he will immediately go back to sleep, meaning the total process takes about 3 minutes. However this does mean my husband being disturbed in the middle of the night on work nights. He says it then takes him half an hour to get back to sleep.

AIBU to wake up DH to settle DC2 in 3 mins instead of having to lie on the floor for 40 mins plus? I work too (not full time)

Looking at weaning from dummy are part of the longer term plan

Wouldn't splitting it 50:50 be the fairest?

I am undecided, it looks like you are both awake a similar length of time, I would work on getting your ds to settle quicker with you as part of it,. Good luck

I'd just make sure there was more than one dummy for him to find in the cot at night tbh.

I think 50/50 would be fairest as pp said.

I normally don't like "but what if it was the man that said x", but I think it's relevant here. If a father said the mother should do all wake ups because the baby "just won't settle for me" I'd think that was quite pathetic and an excuse (unfortunately I have heard this many times on here).

I think it would be easier to take the dummy starting tomorrow..it goes away. It will be a long couple of days and then no one has to wake through the night.

Dummy clip?

Don't use a dummy clip in the night. Not safe at all.

I'd try to ween off dummy. We did this and ds started sleeping 730-630

Mine used to sleep with a bunch of dummies - usually one in mouth and one in each hand. I didn’t use a dummy clip but they did like an old hankie tied to it and then they would hold that as like a security blanket.

One of mine used to do that! So cute. I did used dummy clips though

I would definitely try to wean off the dummy, or if that's a non starter then several dummies in the cot so baby can locate one easily while still half asleep.

If waking continues to be a problem then imo it comes down to whether you both need to get up for work in the morning. If it's just dh going to work then I think it's unreasonable to wake him up when it's going to take him ages to get back to sleep. It also seems a bit pointless as you say you're already awake so it's not like you're going to be undisturbed. If it's a night before you're both working then it's different and it's probably fairest to share those 50/50.

And before any one says 'but you're both working because it's just as hard being at home with a toddler' - it is demanding yes, but at least if you have a disturbed night, it's easier when it's followed by a home-based day rather than getting up and out to work. At least at home you can chill without any work expectations and if the toddler still naps in the day you can lie down and rest at the same time

I agree that weaning off the dummy would be helpful but it’s a difficult age: too old in some ways and too young in others. I’d do 50-50 I think.

Yes, that’s not fair or a longer term solution. Why do you sit there? You need ti get rid of dummy. You don’t “have to sit there”.

Share it.

But look at why DH finds it easier. Is it because younare softer whereas he just settles him and leaves?

Not the point of the thread, and I know that being woken at all is not great, but I'm afraid that being woken once in the night approx 3 times a week at 16 months is not a horrendous sleeper. My 3 year old wakes more than that every night.

Do it 50:50 with your H, and... count your blessings that you have 4 nights of uninterrupted sleep

Its not a competition?

Doesn't sound that horrendous a sleeper tbh. Sleepytot was fab for DD being able to find her dummy and put it back in https://www.sleepytot.co.uk/

This.

My 5yo wakes more often.

We need to get accustomed to biological normal sleep in the west.

Aside from that a 50/50 share as a starting point sounds reasonable.

You could also bring the cot into your room.

I have a different perspective.

I'm breastfeeding a newborn so currently doing 100% of multiple wake-ups a night while DH and his useless nipples snore happily through 8-9 hours of reliable uninterrupted sleep every night.

If, we were in your situation 15 months from now I would expect DH to do it without a word of complaint,

What were the early days like for you? Time to pass the baton?

This.
Especially if the dummy is the only reason he is waking!

Why is the dummy causing so many issues? They can replace it themselves from 7 months old so chuck 10 in the cot, after he’s fallen asleep to avoid him lobbing them, and leave a dim nightlight on. Or if that doesn’t work then go cold turkey. Then whatever wake ups you do get I would expect to be 50:50.

Can he not find his own dummy at 16 months? Either chuck in a load of glow in the dark ones or wean him off it.

I keep about 5 glow in the dark dummies in the cot at night

As you're already awake, I'd say it makes sense for you to do it, if it was taking the same time, but it does sound like baby gets back to sleep properly quicker with Dad so I'd probably do two to Dad and one to you.

I agree. These are great. My youngest used these and eldest used clips. At that age he should be able to find it fine. These will help if you aren't ready to drop the dummy

That's a lovley idea