To wake my husband up to settle baby

[Uramotherharry]

We have two beautiful DC, both of which have been horrendous sleepers. We have found with DC2 that he settles so much better with DH than me (I think me leaving the room triggers separation anxiety).

DC2 is 16 months but still wakes up once through the night about 3 nights a week (mainly to be handed back dummy). If I go back into resettle I must sit with him with hands through cot bars for about 40 minutes until he is in deep enough sleep to not realising I’m going back to bed. HOWEVER if my husband goes into the room, he can lie DS on his side and he will immediately go back to sleep, meaning the total process takes about 3 minutes. However this does mean my husband being disturbed in the middle of the night on work nights. He says it then takes him half an hour to get back to sleep.

AIBU to wake up DH to settle DC2 in 3 mins instead of having to lie on the floor for 40 mins plus? I work too (not full time)

Looking at weaning from dummy are part of the longer term plan

Man here: I used to do late night feeds etc. until 2.00 am, and my wife would do 2.00 onwards. Still married 28 years later. Worked for us.

Would you consider controlled crying, so that the child sleeps through the whole night?

Sorry not answering the question but regarding the dummy issue we had the same problem. We use a elastic band meant for gloves to attach it to my son sleeping bag - never had a problem since. He can find the dummy himself and resettle at night.

Thank you so much for responses, the multiple dummies haven’t worked for us he likes to be given it lol!

Oh please know that this level of wakefulness is way way better than it was. In the first year it was often 45 mins to hourly wakes for resettling (all done by me due to BF). DC1 also wakes every night, well 5 out of 7 I would say. But it isn’t so bad now as he’s a toddler, I just tend to get into bed and go back to sleep (I do all these wakes I must add!) so you can imagine how hard it is when DC2 wakes at 2am back to bed at 3am for me but then 1-2 hours later I’m back up again to hop into bed with DC1 to then get back up with DC2 from 6am!

Sorry I probably should have mentioned about DC1 waking for context but I still would consider asking husband to resettle DC2 in lightning speed compared to my hour long intervention!

Thank you so much for responses, the multiple dummies haven’t worked for us he likes to be given it lol!
You need to stop that immediately. If he’s quicker with your husband then get him to go in and show him where the dummy is but don’t give it to him. Also at bedtime when the sleep pressure is higher put him in his cot then put the dummy in there but don’t give it to him. We did this at 6 months old and it worked. Or just ditch it completely. Dummy runs for a toddler are ridiculous.

Also DC1 being a bad sleeper and waking most nights is highly relevant. If you exclusively take DC1 and DH takes DC2 then that isn’t a bad division of labour at all. If you’d said that in the OP I think you would have got quite different responses.

We take a child each, where one wakes every night and one wakes less often but for a longer time. I take the more frequent waker because I work 3 days rather than 5. We each have one monitor on our own sides of our bed. Would that be an option for you?

I don't think it's unreasonable for your DH to be in charge of DC2 given that you also get up with DC1 even if it is for a similar length of time. Although it actually sounds like he is awake about 40 minutes Vs 1 hour for you?

not unreasonable to wake DH, but you have to do your share too. Have a chat and decide how to split it, if you are PT then are there nights where you won’t have to be in work the next day? Or look at your natural sleeping patterns, I have trouble getting back to sleep if disrupted but my partner hates getting up early so I would rather go to bed earlier and wake up with kids early hours whereas my partner would rather be disrupted in earlier part of his sleep if that makes sense?

Not unreasonable – it’s better for DC to get back to sleep in 3 minutes anyway plus DH’s half hour awake is back in his warm bed, relaxing back into sleep. Your 40 minutes awake is on a cold floor wondering when the fuck this kid will go to sleep. Plus then you have to get back to sleep yourself after that.

With two, you do need to divide and conquer according to the pattern of wakings, your natural sleep rhythm (unfortunately mine is “hate to be disturbed, hate to wake up early” ), who can suppress which child the quickest. And accept that some nights end up being a circus because no matter what your plan is, a child will have their own view of matters.

There's another hilarious thread running somewhere about everyone being stunning and beautiful in MN.

Another thread starting we have beautiful DC where it adds nothing. Misses point.

YANBU

My response to waking for the dummies between 1-2 was to cut them up one night, after I'd had enough. He forgot all about them a few days later .

I would split the wake ups. Not the question asked but I suspect that your children may have tongue or lip ties if they’re both really poor sleepers.

DD was a bad sleeper until DH took over night wakings. She didnt want him so he could get back to bed much quicker, like your DH can.
I did the first 20 months of all the night wakings so DH was happy that it was his turn. DD is 4 and occasionally wakes in the night due to a bad dream but DH still sees to her.