I work in a law firm and just back from mat leave.
It's always been an intense job and I've generally enjoyed it and thrown myself into it, not afraid to embrace opportunities and push my personal development.
Just before mat leave, I was top of my game, pretty much leading a team and the opportunity for promotion on my return was discussed.
While I was away a new colleague joined doing a similar role to me. He's been doing well and now I'm back we'll both be applying for the same promotion and one of us will get it (internal applications only).
As I'm only just back and trying to find my way again, I feel on the back foot and a bit dazed by everything still. Trying to adapt to working mum life and figure out new routine, juggling nursery pick up and baby illness etc.
I had this promotion in my mind for a long time but when I think about it at the moment, I just start crying as I feel like a diminished version of what I was before at work. I've convinced myself new colleague will get it and I'd be wasting my time as I've been 'out of the game' too long and am not at my best.
There would be a pay rise but some additional pressures too. Old me would be charging ahead to apply, new me is in two minds. I feel like I'm going to miss out big time either because I can't compete in the interview process or I just won't be in headspace to apply. It's like all my previous successes at work were for nothing.
I've been crying all week about this and I'm not sure what to do. I feel unreasonable for letting it upset me this much. I already earn a good salary in current role and I have nice life outside work. But work was my top priority for so long and it's hard to come to terms with changes and potentially missing out.
I don't know what I want from this post, maybe just some reassurance that others feel like this after mat leave. I can't believe how much I've cried this week (I definitely don't have PND btw)
Would others apply in this situation or would you leave it?