Play group upset

[CLC22]

So today I took my daughter to a play group for the first time as I’ve just moved area and there is one actually close by to us now.

My daughter is 1 and walking so she was happily playing independently, I could see her playing. The women of the group shouted me by name infront of the whole group of people and told me to watch my daughter as she was ripping the notice board with nothing on it but a boarder.

This made me feel so upset, embarrassed and small. Am I been unreasonable to be so upset about this? It made me feel like me and my daughter were the nuisance of the group and I won’t be attending again because of this. Thank you for reading & please be kind. Anxious mum 🥺

Was she ripping a notice board? I think at one you have to watch them properly and stop them if they do things like that.

Was she ripping a notice board?

I think it’s more if she quietly come to me and said what she needed too. Instead she shouted across the whole room and made me feel so anxious.

What was she ripping if there was nothing there?

I think you have to just get a bit thicker skinned here. She was doing something wrong, you were asked to fetch her, no need to get dramatic and deny the pair of you from joining activities in the future. Just move on.

Ah, so she was ripping the noticeboard and you were sat letting her?
No need to feel so anxious or embarrassed that you can't go back, just keep a better eye on things.
She probably shouted over the room so you could respond quickly rather than cross the room to you.

If my child was doing this, I'd want to be told. If she was ripping the border, your job to intervene. Unless the tone was off, they were just doing what needed to be done.

Unfortunately at that age you need to be watching them like a hawk. My one year still climbs tables if I am not careful. She should have had just a quiet word rather than shout at you but you need to watch your child.

I think you need to toughen up a bit. People will criticise both you and your child, sometimes with reason, sometimes not. If you otherwise liked the group, go back next week, forget about the incident and keep a close eye on your DD.

That’s what I’m more bothered about. Everyone in the group turned round and made me feel tiny. They wanted me to fill out a big form aswell as watch my child. If I didn’t have to fill the form in I would have been with my child.

She probably needed to get your attention quickly. Don't worry about it just keep a closer eye on your daughter as it shouldn't have got to that stage

If your DC is destroying the room you need to stop her. You weren’t, so she told you.
there is no need to feel small or anxious.
it was brought to your attention, you could stop it.

Anxiety is horrible isn’t it! I don’t think you should worry over the situation, yes perhaps she could have come directly over to you but nethertheless I think she was just trying to make you immediately aware of the situation so that you could intervene. Please don’t let it put you off though lovely, I know it’s a struggle with anxiety but these baby groups are just for that, babies, they get into everything and I’m sure the woman wasn’t judging you/did it to make you feel awkward, just that you don’t know how many times she’s had to replace that border🤣

Yes, yabu. Your daughter was doing something she shouldn't (which they all do at that age) so you should have already been on your feet heading over to stop her before anyone needed to shout at you. The fact you're more upset about the interaction, than apologetic at what your daughter did really suggests you need to think about how you respond to these kind of situations before she starts school.

It is your job to watch your child. May only seem like a boarder on the notice board, but maybe they don’t have the finances to keep buying these supplies- it all costs money.

If your dd was damaging a notice board then she probably just wanted to get your attention quickly to stop her doing more damage. You really need to be watching and stopping behaviour like that.

Of course they turned round. There was a commotion. They weren't trying to make you feel small.

I guess she called across to you to save time so you could stop your daughter wrecking the notice board sooner. It might have been ‘just’ a border but it would still look crap if left ripped and would need to be replaced.
if it helps, my son managed to somehow tip a plastic toy kitchen onto another child’s head this past week at playgroup, who obviously screamed his head off, poor love. I ran to try and stop him but was just too slow. If you want something that makes everyone stop and stare, that’s it! These things happen.

Surely you say you will fill in the basics of the form or take it and return next time. Being asked to fill in a form shouldn't be an excuse to let your child roam around unsupervised.

Go back next week abandoning the group entirely is a bit of an overreaction. They were not unreasonable to tell you what was happening even in front of others (presumably the rest of the group could already see what she was doing). Take it on the chin and just keep a closer eye on her next time.

I agree with you OP, the way she told you wasn't nice.

Your child was actively damaging something so it was okay to shout and get it stopped immediately rather than come over to you and talking quietly.

Just take it on the chin and don't dwell on it. None of the other parents next week are going to remember this.

If she'd come over and told you quietly that would have taken more time. With littleys time is of the essence sometimes

Its really not that deep, your child was ruining their display board, you weren’t watching so she shouted to bring it to your attention.

How you feel is down to yourself not the other woman.

I as your dd ripping the display board? If so calling ti attract your attention was necessary

@Prinnny i agree it is down to me on how I feel. I’ve always been anxious after the birth of my son. I wasn’t watching my daughter ripping up the notice board I thought she was playing with the water table and I didn’t know she was doing it otherwise I would have stopped her. The form had to be filled out on the day as it was a form on who was attending the play group. I understand I’m been unreasonable. With been upset. It’s the first time ever attending a play group and I just didn’t like the way the attitude came across from the women. Thanks for all the replies

It does sound like an over reaction on your part but you sound as if you have a little bit of anxiety too. Just shouting back 'so sorry' and removing your little one was fine. You sound like you think you've both failed at the first hurdle, honestly there will be many more of these moments in the years to come. Breathe and chill.