AirBnB Guest terminal illness

[Zazz101]

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

You sound really lovely OP. I like the hamper idea

Cooking a meal would make me really uncomfortable as a guest.

I love the idea of a hamper full of edible treats, fridge stocked with nice things too, lovely pamper things in the bathroom and just generally the atmosphere of 'spoiling' the group. I'm not sure how appropriate this is, but are there any local businesses who you work closely with who would supply anything for free if you discretely told them? I think a weekend with lots of surprises and treats would be lovely.

I'd arrange early check in / late check out, ask if any other requirements?

I'd make sure it was extra warm & cosy & small fresh Xmas tree with fairy lights.
Some fresh flowers, plenty of throws, a few boardgames.

You could leave a cake & tea on the table with a 'best wishes for your stay' card.

All quite low key though as it's all about their weekend.

OP, let me tell you about my friend Kath, who was told her breast cancer had returned and was incurable and that she was terminally ill in 2006. She organised a farewell get-together that summer and again at Christmas for family and friends. And then another farewell event for her birthday in 2007, and another in 2008. By 2009 she was doing much better as a result of participating in a new drug trial and was back at work, so we skipped the 'last chance' event that year. At some point during this my friend Des died within weeks of being told that his nasty chest infection was actually aggressive lung cancer. Also during that time Kath's husband had a heart attack and a quadruple heart bypass and then out of the blue, after a great night watching their son on stage in the West End, he had a fatal stroke in his sleep. Kath went on having 'last chance' weekends away and get-togethers. Each one included updating plans for her funeral. After her husband's death in 2011 she had a conversation with me about whether to help save the planet by buying an expensive fake Christmas tree: she was convinced the next Christmas would be her last and it would be a waste of money. But she splashed out anyway, and that tree saw her through six more Christmases. I used to remind her every year that it was getting better and better value per use. She died in 2017 in her new partner's arms — more than 10 years after she'd received the news that the illness was terminal.

Kath used to tell everyone she was terminally ill and she received a lot of kindness as a result. She was upgraded to first class several times. There was a large gite she rented one year in the Alpes Maritimes where the owner was so moved by her situation that he gave her a large discount. I took her to the Lake District one year and she got a free day tour after telling the women selling tickets (mine cost £30) that she was terminal. At one hotel we stayed in, where we both had rooms which got a lot of noise from the kitchen extractor fans and the car park, Kath explained that she was terminally ill and absolutely needed to be in a quiet room so that she could sleep. She was upgraded, free of charge, to a suite. They refused to move me. I'm not saying she shouldn't have been moved. But I needed a quiet room to sleep too. There wasn't a conniving bone in her body, she wasn't looking for special treatment — but she became, the day they broke the news to her that there was nothing they could do for her, a dying woman.

The thing it taught me is that life is a terminal illness: that any of us, like Des (and others I've known) could be gone in a matter of weeks: that the terminal diagnosis can mean days, or weeks or years or, in some amazing cases, be revoked. So I'd say everyone is a special case and everyone should get a special hamper/ special decorations etc.

defo put an xmas tree. If its terminal they may not see this xmas or next years. .

'Terminal ' doesn't automatically mean a person only has days, weeks or months left or indeed they are incapacitated by symptoms. I'd leave a hamper with a few nice bits in but anything else is ott

Terminal in medical jargon means a few months at the most.

And they often get it wrong. My mother was told she was terminal when her cancer spread and surgery couldn't help. She was given six months. My sister and I changed our work patterns/ jobs and went part time and I moved in to my mum's, so that we could nurse her to the end — knowing it was only going to be six months maximum. More than a year later the heavily pregnant district nurse who'd started coming twice a week bade us goodbye, because she was going on maternity leave and wouldn't see us again as she was taking her full maternity leave entitlement. She was gobsmacked to find mum on her rota when she returned to duty a few weeks before my mum died, more than two years after being given a six-month prognosis.

I think the nicest thing you can do is ensure the property is clean, tidy and warm (which I’m sure you do anyway) and then leave them to it.

I would value privacy and relaxation at such a time (though appreciate your intention is very well meant).

I wouldn’t offer a discount anyway. I think it’s a bit condescending and crass. They have presumably checked out the price so they don’t need “sympathy money.” I really can’t see what is wrong with a small Christmas tree. They can always chuck it outside if they feel as violently about it as some on here suggest but they might actually enjoy an atmospheric setting to spend time precious together in. Ditto the hamper. I bet they eat any goodies left. The thing I would most appreciate is to have the clean up waived. I don’t even think it hurts to mention that specifically, that you will get the cleaner to do an extra hour or so so they don’t need to worry around that. As for a ( small) hamper and tree, they won’t even know it isn’t usual at this time of year. It beggars belief the way people trying to be thoughtful get slapped down.

Why would you do this for this person, and not for, say, the guest who's recently had a stillbirth and is in a state of utter grief, but doesn't like to mention it? Or the family group who've come together to commemorate the loss of a sibling to suicide?

I'm not saying that terminally ill people aren't deserving of care and kindness, but the people they travel with should (in my case I certainly did) look after anything but their basic needs. When I took Kath away it was always with extra bedding, hot water bottles and a portable heater. We took all our own food or bought it locally. She was tee-total and vegan, as part of her attempt to reduce stress on her body, and also very careful about what she put on her skin, after a number of surgeries and radiology had damaged it. The last thing she would have appreciated was a hamper full of chocolate and bubbly and bath stuff.

The only thing that Kath, in her final year of life, would have been really appreciative of was a comfortable high-seated armchair with a tall upright back. The tumours gave her back ache and she had muscle wastage that meant it was difficult to lift herself unaided out of low-slung, slouchy sofas. She loved a 'granny' armchair that supported her in an upright position.

Oh, and a table next to it to put her book, her phone, her glasses and a glass of water on, so she didn't have to keep getting up and down.

One thing to be mindful of is even if these people are genuine others are not.

So what may happen is that this family put a lovely review on about how kind and thoughtful OP is because of their family’s circumstances.

Nice enough but no doubt what will happen then is future guests also say we have a terminal family member and expect discounts/hampers/meals etc and when they don’t get it, the bad reviews come

People are that awful I am afraid

Better to do what you normally do, maybe with a slight luxury touch that you can explain away as a December/Christmas bonus and not due to the family’s circumstances

An interesting parable for modern times thank you Bouffe

Agree with this @Zazz101 You sound a lovely caring person, but this is much too OTT and could be very embarrassing for them. Also a terminal illness might still mean they have a lot of months left to them.

A really nice Goodie Hamper with some festive things sounds like an excellent idea though

I don't think Kath's, or my mother's experience, is terribly unusual. Kath kept going because she was picked for various new drug trials and as a result got very good care from the NHS teams. They tend to monitor you much more closely if you're in a trial and pick up problems earlier and take action sooner than they would otherwise. And of course sometimes the drugs make a big difference, as they did with Kath.

In my mum's case both the GP and the various nurses and Marie Curie specialists involved told my sister and me that the fact that we were always there, always making her favourite foods and cajoling her to eat and drink, always making sure she had her meds on time, talking and spending time with her, encouraging her to laugh, getting her out and about when it was possible... it was that that kept her going. They may have just said it out of kindness but having seen how quickly some other relatives have gone downhill without constant input, I'm not surprised. Of course, there was a downside to my mum's last few years. My sister lost her job because she couldn't meet the hours required and I paid the price of being part-time and missed promotions and other opportunities. It left a big hole in my CV. And we were both zombies by the end of it. My mum's cancer ended up with some really horrific symptoms that even now I can barely bring myself to think about. I'm still haunted by the smell. In retrospect, keeping her alive for so long may have been cruel. But you don't know at the time. You just do what needs doing.

I would second the ideas of nice flowers and a hamper but I suspect the family will want privacy so I would leave it at that.

You're very kind, but I think it's better to avoid being intrusive. Their priority is their friends and family, the airBnB should blend into the background. Just make sure that all the normal stuff is working really smoothly and a good quality hamper.

Not entirely accurate. The NHS describe a terminal illness, as 'a health condition that cannot be cured and that you'll most likely die from'. Often people do use it to say expected life span as 6 or 12 months, but many people live much longer than that.

Disagree when you arrive it's a chore to go shopping.....you can always contact them and say your putting some me food in the cupboard are there any dietary requirements.presumability the other guests eat and leaving to shop is a pain and time apart.

You can always say we normally decorate the house would you like that done for your Visit....then go ott if it's a yes

My sister is "terminally ill" with breast cancer and still travels the world, fosters puppies, volunteers etc. No need to assume this guest just sits there in a fleecy shawl drinking watered down tea.

A hamper or cheeseboard & wine would be a nice touch. You sound like a very kind person.

Or they maybe too ill to leave the house andjust want to be together. Often meals are too much

does anyone else think this thread might be getting past its use by now; it’s becoming a bit tasteless in terms of suppositions and speculative discussion about the guest’s state of health, are they a scammer, how long do you “need left” to justify a hamper etc. I think most people think it’s a lovely thought OP, but keep it low key and not intrusive.

A hamper, also something from the area..you know your area..what makes it special why they closed your area..love the fact you doing this op...