DH salary. AIBU?

[Suctionplease]

So I think I probably am being unreasonable but I also feel like I have a valid point which DH seems not really to take on board. I'll preface this with DH and I both work FT although he earns a lot more than me. All money is family money.

DH has been involved in a start up business with 4 others for the last six years. Until last year he was self-employed working on other contracts alongside the start up. It got to a point where the new business needed him FT and they started paying him a salary in line with the same rate as he was already on. Ultimately, this has made no material difference to us and he therefore hasn't had a pay rise in around 10 years.

The other directors in the business did not get the same salary as DH but the goal was to get to a place where the business could afford to pay them all the same rate. This means that DH will not get a pay rise until after this point. DH thinks this is only fair.

I don't think this is fair. DH has a very specialised skill, and if he were to move jobs he would get a higher rate than he's on now. They would find it very hard to replace him. Other than the CEO, the others in the business do not have specialized roles. Their salary increase puts them way above market rates for what they do. To me it would be much fairer to pay what their equivalent jobs are worth in that sector and then split profits in the form of dividends. I think I'm particularly resentful as one of the others contributes very little to the business. If he left, nothing would happen and they could probably replace him with someone better for a lot less money.

Whilst I do understand where DH is coming from it's frustrating that he can't understand why I'm frustrated. With the COL increases and our kids getting older, we have less money. My salary has increased but with that has come an increase in responsibility and demands on my time and I am really struggling.

The business has done really well this year and it won't be long until they're all on the same salary which hopefully means that in 12 months time there may (or may not) be a pay rise (I have very low expectations now).

Can you understand why I would feel frustrated by this situation:

Yes - YANBU
No - YABU

In reality a lot of people don’t get a pay rise due to several factors. I’m a single parent teacher and my ex left just after we had our second child. I had been made redundant and was looking for work and ended up going back 2 days a week and therefore earning pretty much the same salary I did as newly qualified teacher 25 years ago. It’s not worth my time working more hours due to childcare and travel costs. I do get tax credits but as my annual salary goes up ever so slightly my tax credits go down the same amount. So for 10 years I’ve been trapped on the same wage which as I said is the same as what I was earning 25 years ago - I’m just not having the full time work stress!!

Lots of families find their household income has the same issue. Not necessarily those claiming tax credits or UC but those who have found they have had to give up work to look after their children due to the cost of childcare. Yes I chose to have kids - but that was when I was part of a married couple and we had 2 full time incomes. I’m now down to one part time.

Yes, your husband may well earn more and gain pay rises in a salaried job, elsewhere. He may grow in his role and make salary jumps, or move between companies and make salary leaps.

Fact is, that you cannot compare a salaried job for a third party, with your own business, in terms of pay scales and inflationary rises.

Hello

The company is new. When you go into a new company you are going in to it because you fancy the challenge of making it work your way (along with the way of the people you are working with). You don't go in it for the money.

Are they equal shareholders?
If your husband left the business, how easily could they replace him.

Is it still a start-up after 6 years? I would be worrying if it’s not really profitable after that amount of time.

This.
OP, you’re well out of line expecting OP to pull in more cash when he’s already far out earning you (regardless of reason).

Focus or change your own career if you’re not happy with your joint income - he’s putting much more into the pot than you are, so it’s a heck of a neck on you to berate him for his earnings.

Assuming this is the UK and he's one of the company directors, they should all be taking min salaries and drawing dividends if the company is doing well. Or are you using salary instead of pay/earnings?

@Suctionplease - I think this is a straight choice
If Dh can earn more money elsewhere and you want it now then do it. Share options etc are always a risk. It's a choice many others have had to make

The best solution would be to get rid of the bloke who isn't adding value and dividing his salary among the others, surely the others can see that he shouldn't be paid so much? Unless there will be a time in the near future when his skills are actually needed?

Don't blame you one bit for being frustrated about this, I would be too.

Wow! No where has the OP said she knows the ins and outs of this start- up company to make such a hugely entitled op. No, your DH is right.

It’s probably not terribly relevant but a real world example of not letting this sort of thing get in the way of success is U2. They always split everything five ways. Rock fans amongst you will know there are only four of them in the group, the fifth?, the manager. They all contributed to the success and they are all now mega rich,

You obviously don’t have much of an idea how a business start up works. If he gets a wage rise that comes out of the profits so would slow the business down.

You are entitled to feel anything you want. It's only when you act based on that feeling that someone can make a judgement. It's really difficult to give an opinion when you havent said the actual salary. Depending on the figure, I probably wouldnt be bothered. I'm more concerned with if my partner is happy in their job and not just brining money to the table.

When we started up everyone contributed to something. This should all have been clear from the start. I think it is entirely reasonable if he has a decent share. I have a dispute with my co-shareholder atm. He had full salary, we didn’t and now he disputes he has less shares. He never took a risk and neither did your husband by the sound of it. I earned nothing for 2 years so we had money sooner.

This is the difference between a dividend (paid to shareholders) and salaries (paid to employees). People who work in the business should be salaried, people who don’t (but are shareholders) should only receive dividends. Salaries among salaried shareholders might vary according to skill set. It’s important stuff like this is correct if you are going to sell the business as profit / EBITDA can be skewed by incorrect salaries or salaries being paid instead of dividends.

His career, his startup, his job, his salary, his option.
You may give your opinion but don't get feeling too entitled to argue with him about it

YABU in that you're trying to interfere in a negotiation that's taken place between your DH and his colleagues.

In the real world this is how things work rather than a theoretical discussion round the kitchen table.

There is nothing more irritating at work than someone changing their mind after the agreement because someone else has whispered poison in their ear. Hopefully your DH won't act on your 'advice'.

You seem to be slightly missing the premise under which most start up remuneration packages work.

People take lower than market rate basic pay but get significant shares - and gamble that they do well enough that the shares become valuable in the future and they get to cash in.

That’s how these things work. It’s a different approach to staff roles in established organisations or contracting.

Key question for you and him is - is this type of employment one that you’re comfortable with as a household? Or is the higher base pay but no big upside potential what you want (staff in established co). Or even higher day rate but no job security or benefits (contracting).

With one public servant job in the house most would say all are reasonable options as you’ve got one ‘reliable & safe’ income stream.

If you need more money then perhaps you should consider upskilling or swapping from the public sector. Why does he need to be the one to change?

Presumably he chose this therefore he is the one to decide what is "fair" .If hes in business with 4 other people then he will have to meet them halfway.Many people do not have as much money .Unless you are really struggling I would suck it up ATM.Its up to him really and you cant make him change his mind