Am I being unreasonable to not offer help with childcare?

[Notablippifan]

My husband's brother and his wife have recently had a very sweet little boy. He's now 3 months old.
My brother in law works full time and my sister in law is a stay at home first time mum, although she was trying to find her feet in her chosen career before she became pregnant.
Since having their little boy she has been offered work experience opportunities here and there (usually a week or so at a time). She is very insistent on doing this even though it's unpaid and instead of arranging more formal childcare she keeps asking other family members at very short notice to take care of their baby. Her husband has used up his holiday allowance so he can't take any more time off himself.
She's just been asked to work next week when I have some leave booked for myself and I'm finding I'm keeping my time off a secret from them so that they don't ask me to help. AIBU and selfish? I think I'm struggling to understand why she keeps wanting to leave her baby with other people so frequently when he's still so little.

It does seem odd to do when the baby is so small. While this is her business, she shouldn't expect other people to babysit and needs to sort out childcare or stay home.

How many separate weeks has she worked-considering the baby is only three weeks old?!

What sort of work experience is this-is it paid? I wouldn’t fancy doing childcare for anyone else, to be honest and would just say no. If your husband wants to use up his holiday looking after their baby then he can do so, but I wouldn’t be!

3 months old, I think.

I do feel for her if she’s trying to find her feet in a new career and then fell pregnant so she’ll be even more behind. I bet she’s exhausted but doesn’t want to turn down the opportunities. That being said you are NBU at all to not want to do free last minute childcare, they’ll have to sort something else out

You are not selfish.
They need to sort out a plan for childcare, if the mother or the father is not going to be at home.

YANBU to keep quiet about the fact you are on annual leave. If your SIL wants to take up work opportunities , it is for her and her husband to put in place appropriate child care - which doesn’t involve asking relatives at short notice.

He's 3 months old and this will be the third time she's been offered unpaid work experience at short notice. It's in the fashion industry so it's a little bit unpredictable.

Unpaid work experience? Seriously. She's being taken for a ride at your expense.

Don't help her.

If she's done 2 lots already and not been offered any paid work she's just another one of the hordes desperate to break in who won't make the cut.

Oh he's so young to be shipped around to different family members. I wouldn't feel comfortable taking responsibility for such a young baby. YANBU.

You’re being a bit judgy to be commenting on her leaving the baby. You don’t really know how she’s coping. She hasn’t even asked you. Just because others have had the baby doesn’t mean she will.
I don’t know what your issue is, if you don’t want to spend time with your nephew just say no. Personally I would help out if I had nothing else on. But I don’t think you should feel obligated to offer.

Nope, she’s a CF. She can do whatever she wants, but she needs to organise paid childcare. It’s not your job to help her develop her career at the expense of your own time.

Unpaid internships aren’t to be encouraged either.

Enjoy your time off

I didn't mean to sound judgy so apologies if it comes across that way. I do want to spend time with him but I would prefer for his parents to be around too.
The only reason she hasn't asked me to take him is because she thinks I'm working. She would definitely ask if she knew I had taken some time off.

Your final sentence is extremely judgy. But YANBU for not wanting to mind her baby, that's totally up to you. You have no idea about her private life and reasons for this though. A colleague has just come back to work and the baby is 8 weeks, I won't go into the detail on here but it's been the absolute right decision hands down.

OP, keep your time off to yourself.

I think it would be a huge ask and I don't think you are under any obligation whatsoever to offer or say yes if asked.

I have various nephews and nieces and I never ever once, even for a second felt the slightest inclination to give up a week of my time to spend time with them.

Nor have I ever heard a friend feel so inclined.

It would never occur to me.
Pre children I looked after the baby of a very close friend a couple of times so she could have a long leisurely lunch as all grandparents were past, but we were very close friends and the baby was about 12 months.

3 months is a very small baby and I cannot imagine wanting to leave him with anyone but his father.

Not your responsibility in any shape or form.

Enjoy your leave.

@ScattieHattie1 I think making a decision to return to work after 8 weeks with proper childcare in place due to necessity is a bit different to trying to impose on a person who might be on their annual leave to look after your newborn.

I would feel huge compassion for any woman who felt the need to return to work after 8 weeks for medical reasons.

YANBU. They need to sort childcare and not just expect you to cover childcare.

I would definitely help my sister out. Especially if she was trying to get a leg up on a job that would help my niece/nephew in the future.

Yanbu for not wanting to do it tho.

I think I'm struggling to understand why she keeps wanting to leave her baby with other people so frequently when he's still so little.

Are you also struggling to understand why the baby’s father wants to leave his baby every day as well and go to work?

Or is it only women that get your judgement?

YANBU to not babysit but YABU to judge her when you don’t judge the man at all.

I think this is a bit of a stretch. If the roles were reversed and she had full time paid employment and he was offered unpaid work experience and leaving their baby with other people I'd still say the same thing.

You either help or don't, I also think you are coming across as judging

Unpaid or not, 3 months or not, leave with others or not all of this is irrelevant either help or dont

YANBU. It's up to her to sort her career. In my mind, itd be wise for her to decide that it needs to take a back seat for now.

While I'm sympathetic to her to some degree, that wouldn't extend to me using annual leave to help her go on unpaid internships.

You sound a bit judgemental of her.

But that's not really relevant to the childcare. I wouldn't be using my leave to do childcare either.

@SweetFemaleAttitude But it isn't her sister; it-s her BILs wife, so why the hell should she give up her leave?
Nice to hear you would help your own sister, but a parent can-t just expect all and sundry to act as ad-hoc babysitters

its fair that you don’t want to do it and you aren’t under any obligation but it’s not your place to judge her actions, you don’t know what her experience is of maternity leave