Money for a honeymoon as a wedding gift (but there was no honeymoon)

[Nofilteritwonthelp]

I recently went to a wedding where the couple said they didn't want any gifts but if you wanted to give something then they would appreciate a contribution towards their honeymoon. I have no issue with this, its easier and you haven't wasted your money on something they don't want. I wanted to give what I thought was a decent contribution so gave 100 pounds, but I also feel money is impersonal and I like using my wedding gifts and remembering people so I also gave them a 60 voucher so they could buy something for their home (a contributing factor was after the bank transfer I thought 150 was fairer as the bride has been quite generous to my DC in the past).

However ... here's my AIBU ... they aren't going on a honeymoon. In the scheme of things its not a big deal, I just think it was a bit cheeky as I probably would have just given the voucher instead. I know its technically still money, but I feel its different than just transferring money to a bank account and it basically will just go into a mass and be forgotten which was the reason for giving a voucher as well. Just curious what others think.

They're saving for a big holiday at a later date. Sounds fine to me.

Agree. The tackiest thing mentioned in this thread so far is the Mr and Mrs bedspread...

A gift shouldn't have strings attached. End of.

I've never understood the voucher over cash in most cases. Why do you care where the money is spent? Why can't they spend it on a nice meal? Or food for a week? Or a bill? Would you prefer they get into debt because the money they got won't cover enough of the honeymoon for them to comfortably afford it? Maybe job circumstances changed? Maybe someone is sick? Maybe they booked something for next year? Why does it matter?

You should give a gift because you want to. Not because you feel obligated or because you feel the thing they'll spend the cash on is "worthy enough"

If you gave a voucher for the same value you've still given them the same amount of money but it's less useful. It means even if they want a specific thing like a tv, an oven, a washer etc they have to buy it from the place you gave a voucher for and can't shop around.

I'd be really upset if I knew people regretted giving me a gift because I "didn't spend it on the right thing."

YABU. Totally.

Maybe given the shit situation everything is in, they can no longer afford to take the trip they wanted to so they will save for longer to make it happen?

Maybe in a cost of living crisis they realised it's not possible to go and need that money for more important things?

Maybe something has happened personally to make them postpone or cancel plans?

You were generous to give it but you don't get a say in how a present is used.

Cash has always been the norm where I am (about as far North in England as you can get), I remember as a child at various wedding receptions being given cards with money in them to go put in the box left out specifically for that purpose. At my own wedding 20 years ago almost all of our gifts were cash, the only physical gifts we got were bottles of wine and champagne but even they had money taped to them.

Every wedding I've been to, I've given cash. I prefer it as it's easier than shopping for a gift and far more useful than a toaster or kettle, the couple can use it for whatever they feel would benefit them the most. The idea of gifts at a wedding is to help 'set up' the couple for their new life together, cash is ideal for this.

YABU to be put out by them bot immediately going on honeymoon. Once the gift has left the giver, it belongs to the recipient and it's then up to them what they do with it.

I've got two friends who delayed their honeymoon and in one case, went a year after they got married. They also had a honeymoon fund but needed to save up extra cash on top of the gifts to fund it. They then had the 'holiday of a lifetime' before coming home and deciding to try for a baby.

I don't think a honeymoon has to be straight after the wedding. For some people it can be a big splash holiday to celebrate their first year together. The important thing is they did something together and still like each other enough to do it!

We didn't have the annual leave to take immediately after and we wanted a summer wedding. Unless you are going Northern Hemisphere, which a lot of people now don't on honeymoon, you have to wait until winter to get summer in your chosen destination.

I think you are being a bit silly.

Yep probably!

Saying it’s for a honeymoon wouldn’t encourage people to give more money than would if it was for something else or just a general request so I think YABU.

I wouldn’t care what they spent it on

We asked for money towards our honeymoon for our wedding. We had quite a small wedding and after totalling up the amounts we received we didn’t really have enough to go anywhere. We continued to save up and went on a family holiday/delayed honeymoon 2 years later. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you’d given the same amount in the form of a voucher does it even matter?

We did very similar, booked our wedding then realised the weather at our honeymoon location wasn't great at that time of year, so booked a mini-moon, it was fantastic and both trips were fantastic and definitely felt special!

Costs have gone up drastically for our wedding since before covid, we can no longer afford to pay for our honeymoon straight after the wedding (also DP can’t get 3 weeks off work) so we are going 6 months after. It’s quite common across my group of friends to have a gap due to lack of leave, lack of funds or having a breather after the hectic last few weeks of wedding planning. Especially when the majority of us have lived with partners for a while before marriage.

I had my honeymoon the year after we married, we also asked for contributions towards honeymoon and by booking it for the year after we had time to decide where we wanted to go and also something to look forward too.

We’re getting married next year and we won’t be doing our honeymoon until the year after. We don’t have the budget to get married AND have the honeymoon at the same time without eating too much into our savings. We’d rather stagger them.
I don’t think a gift should come with caveats.

They may just not have got enough money given to actually go on a honeymoon. I know we didn't when we got married. We got maybe 500 in gifts... we had paid alot for the wedding (paid for everything except the cake and my dress ourselves) so had to put some of it to that.... then we had a night in a hotel in a city which was nice. But I bet some people might have thought... oh we gave them money towards their honeymoon why haven't they gone to some honeymoon resort somewhere?
Its also life dependant.. some people won't end up going on honeymoon for several years after the wedding because they have commitments or whatever.. but may well go at some point. They might also want to save up extra money on top of what they've been given for it.
And personally if I give a gift to someone I feel it then belongs to someone to do as they please with. Recently gave 80 quid at a work mates wedding and I do not give a shit what they do with it as long as it makes them happy.

Yabu

When I got married 15 years ago, we asked for money towards our honeymoon. We had already paid for it and we used some of the money to upgrade a couple of bits, but otherwise the bulk of it went into our account. We planned the date of our hm to coincide with where we wanted to go.

Probably in the last 10 years, there has been a trend towards having a mini moon after the wedding so say a 5 - 7 day low key trip. I not quite sure why but it might be to do with annual leave, weddings costing more, wanting to prolong the 'wedding experience'.

Then we have the poor sods who were Covid affected who married in front of very few people or even online. I think the risk of booking a hm was just too great. One of my friends had their hm in 2023 after it was cancelled in April 2020.

Things have changed in the last few years. I couldn't get too upset over this.

We got arrived in April and we got a lot of cash gifts, we'd already paid for the Honeymoons (yep.. we had 2!) so the money has been used for lots of nights away and meals out etc. It's been lovely being able to treat ourselves x

We had a mini moon immediately after the weeding but our proper honeymoon 4 months later

To me cash is really impersonal. We got alot of cash and it just went into the bank account. The gifts and gifts from gift vouchers I remember the actual people and its nice. This is why I gave cash but also a gift voucher for a nice home store so they can get something lovely for their home that they like. I also think with vouchers you tend to get nice things you probably wouldn't otherwise spend money on.

We got married in Greece in 2019, so arguably had a mini-moon for a few days after our wedding. However, our wedding was in the August and the honeymoon wasn’t until the following March/April as we were opting for the Caribbean.

As it turned out we never got a honeymoon. We’d booked with Thomas Cook, who went bust before we could go. Then we rebooked for Summer 2020 to go to Mykonos instead. And then COVID….

It was September 2021 before we were able to go abroad for a holiday, which ended up a trip to my parents Spanish holiday home with my DH and my parents - hardly conducive to a romantic break and by that time, it felt like that ship had sailed.

We’ve promised ourselves we’ll go big for our 10 year anniversary to make up for it.

As far as your present, I don’t think this is something you should get wound up over. Ultimately you’ve made them a gift to celebrate them getting married. Does it really matter how that money is spent, provided it brings them joy?

Weren’t honeymoons invented when people lived at home and it was their first chance to get their hands on each other, in comfort and uninterrupted rather than in the back of a car etc? Its a holiday and it’s up to them how they spend their gift from you - they just didnt want lots of toasters