What would have got you disowned in the 40s/50s/60s/70s

[Libertyy]

This is more for the older members but the younger ones can definitely comment if their experiences were similar

So I was speaking to one of my residents and she confessed to me that she was disowned by her family because she wore a pair of jeans and it was unlady like, another was disowned for wanting to marry a Jewish man, another elderly lady I spoke to because she chose to date and later marry a guy she met at a coffee shop rather than her father’s friend’s son who worked in America and had a bit of money. It’s crazy the things we take for granted today

Is this something that was common place at the time?

Well, my dad has (at various points) been absolutely adamant that being gay and/or divorced is entirely unacceptable; I am both of those things and he's gone quite a long way towards enforcing ultimatums about it, so I would imagine that not so long ago he would have considered it something where he'd go the full mile.

I've also taught students (not masses, but enough to notice) whose families had, or were vocal about the fact they would, disown them for being gay, marrying outside their religion, etc.

I don't think 'we' do take things for granted. Sure, I'd hope progress has been made, but it's really important not to presume that everything is ok now. For some people, it still really isn't.

I was threatened and shamed for telling family i was bisexual. 80s

40s and 50s it would have been pregnancy before marriage. Such a huge stigma. After saying that though, I had a colleague who was pregnant at 18 with no real family, parents dead. She ended up staying in a mother and baby home where she said she was little more than a skivvy. Every Sunday the young girls would go on a forced walk through the town and were expressly told they could not wear trousers. Everyone would stare as they passed by. And this was in 1968. Not the 20s.

’Living in sin’- that expression was used up until just a few years before myself and my friends moved in with boyfriends in the 80s.

My mum couldn’t marry my dad in church because the priest wouldn’t accept my dad as a Protestant so they went to a registry office instead and lots of her family didn’t go. Registry offices were seen as pretty far out in working class communities in the early 60s if you were big catholics. Her family did come round though because my dad is fabulous.

I'm an out witch! Witchcraft was decriminalised in the 60s

I'm lucky I suppose, I can't imagine anyone in my family ever disowning anyone. My grandmother was the most wonderful, loving tolerant woman. My mum married a man who went to prison and no one disowned her! She's also twice divorced. I believe my white aunt dated an Indian man in the 70s, no one batted an eyelid.

We've been working class for generations so I suppose we've never been bothered about the whole "keeping up appearances" thing as no one has money or status!

I'm so glad that I wasn't a teenager in the 40s. I was an unmarried Mum at 18. Married and divorced later on and now have a partner who is mixed race.
I also have a disabled daughter who would probably have been put into an institution at a young age.

I was frowned upon for going on my own to pubs and not having a boyfriend...this was the late 70s

Being gay. Black people. Non catholics. Single parenthood. Living together while not married. We have come a long, long way thank fk

I was disowned for 7 years for having a child on my own. This was in the 90's. And no my parents weren't from another culture.

Not staying a virgin till marriage, if my mum's reaction to this was anything to go by. (This was in the 90s, I was early 20s at the time of the conversation, my mum was born in the 40s.) Apparently I'd get a reputation and none of my friends would want anything to do with me. 🙄

I was disowned for being a big o’l gay.

Lots of love, Simon.

I was disowned for getting pregnant at 15. I ended up in a mother and baby home. This was in the early 90’s

I wouldn't necessarily say it was the norm for someone to be disowned for wearing jeans or marrying a man of their own choice - whatever the year . Far from it.

I think I was disowned for challenging my mother's racism and far-right views, and not visiting often enough, but I was never really given an actual explanation.

In the 80's, when I was late teens, a friend of mine moved in with her boyfriend.I mentioned this to my mum, who said, "If you did that I'd disown you." .

A few years later I did, and she got over it.

I was in love with a black man and he was in love with me. I'm white. His family were awful so we separated after pushing through for 3 years. We remained friends for another 35 years and he died a couple of years ago.

Having a mental breakdown. This was in the 90s/00s. Didn't end up actually being disowned in the end but it was a constant threat. And violence threatened too. One was not allowed to disgrace the family and their reputation by admitting to any mental illness.

I remember my grandmother being surprised that my ‘respectable’ friends still talked to me with me having had a baby out of wedlock (in the 90s) however tbh I did know people who disowned their own children for doing so (in the 90s) and would not even acknowledge the grandchild if met accidentally. Although personally I found the majority of people, friends, family, college etc were very positive and supportive, probably more so than they would be now towards a teen mother, think any stigma in the 1990: was still much more about being a single mum than being a teenager. I had friends who were the same age but partnered and did find they were treated with more respect by certain people

My mum left my Dad in the 60s following an affair with her uncle.
She was ostracised by pretty much everyone.

Who had the affair with her uncle? Your mum or your dad?

Absolutely, I witnessed this happen to friends in the late 90s

1970 born - nothing would have made my mum disown me - but she would have given me the 'disappointed glare' if I had started smoking (I did eventually), fucked up school (I did!), got pregnant under 20 - I didn't.

My mum was a single parent in 1974 so we did grow up with stigma - my mum was a 'slag and a slut' because she was single and went to uni - I was a bastard and a 'poor kid' (free school meals) but my mum had it worse - kicked out of her job (student axillary nurse) and home (nursing home) for being raped. Her mother was greatly shamed at her getting divorced (I think it was envy) and her aunts called her a 'fallen woman' on many occasion. My grandad loved her though and never judged - was probably also jealous.

My poor nan was treated as a second class citizen for marrying beneath her (teacher from Liverpool rather than a banker from Surry like her sisters) and her mental health issues (anxiety and OCD) never treated. She was a bright woman who had been told all her life she was thick - she did blossom in her later years.

Mum. His late wife was her mother's (my nan) sister.

My mother isn't happy that I'm an "unmarried mother" and that my daughter is black; I think she'd have disowned me back in 2009 if she could, when I was working in a gay bar. She was certainly furious.