To think about just leaving everything behind and living a peaceful life of solitude

[Tarbert12]

Work fully remotely, live in a small house somewhere far from anyone I know, get a cat, no other interactions for the rest of my life. Try to avoid the news, just read and see out my time.

I wouldn't necessarily go mad, right?

@Tarbert12

I'm going to say YABU. It sounds like a dream (to some) just living alone, miles away from anyone they know (and for some reason they always want a cat!) But in reality, I think it would be a lonely and boring existence.

I love my friends and family; (incl my DH, and my adult DC,) and whilst DH drives me mad now and again, I would not want to be without him, and miss him when he's away for a number of hours. I also miss my DC when I don't see them for a week! And I enjoy seeing my friends for coffee or a few glasses of wine every few weeks. And I even actually enjoy seeing extended family every couple of months for a few hours!

I also get on well with several work colleagues. Although I only actually go the office 2 or 3 days a month, I do go out to lunch with them now and again. I get on with my neighbours too, and can easily chat for 40 minutes at the bottom of the driveway some days. I do enjoy my me-time, and do get plenty of it during the day and some weekends. But I would not like to be alone all the time.

I can't imagine it just being me ALL THE TIME. No husband, no kids, no family, no friends, no neighbours, no work colleagues. No. That's no life. Humans are social creatures and need interaction with other humans (as well as animals!) I think all the reactions on here (and the 90% agreeing with you,) are not thinking this through. They are probably just burnt out from work, and/or the kids - and extended family issues, and they're probably trying to organise Christmas and keep everyone happy, and wish they could get away from their kids and family (and possibly their DH) for a few days!

In reality, being alone all the time would not be great (IMO.) It would be isolating, and unhealthy, (for your mental health and wellbeing.) It's just not feasible long-term, as appealing as it sounds when you think about it for a moment.

After seeing a few posts about those beautiful Maine coon cats, tonight, I could well do this too...

I want something in between & probably do have it. I wfh, 2 school runs a day, various clubs, small group of 4 friends, chat to & like all the neighbours.

But, I love & have to have lots of time alone too. I don’t want to deal with or be in the company of people that I either don’t like or I find boring (which is most people)I will happily go shopping, watch a film, spend the day gardening, pottering at home.

I couldn’t live in total solitude but I think over the coming years, people will be much more comfortable’opting out’.

My husband supported me to go on a silent retreat for 10 days when my kids were little, found the money, looked after the kids, took me there. I still think fondly about that experience.

I wouldn't want to live alone with no interaction though, I won't be moving somewhere remote, it's perfect for a holiday or to write, but not as a way of life, for me anyway.
There are simple things you can do, I have no notifications on my phone, always on silent/vibrate. Block mumsnet when writing. Have quiet weekends/go away to get space from kids. It doesn't have to be crazy all the time, not now mine are older anyway.

As long as I had TV series, movies, books and food, I'd be 100% fine, on my own, forever. No doubt in my mind.

And plenty of people are living that life and loving it

I have a very busy home. I love it.

I also love that it is not forever
.
I cherish the moments I have alone at the moment and when time comes that I can choose to live in solitude I will embrace it (I've done it before - pre children)
It's not a sad life. It's a choice for some.

We live very remote, so no neighbours in the vicinity and during the lockdowns here, we actually loved the fact that we could work from home, no human interaction needed, except once per week when we were allowed to do our grocery shopping (non UK). Loved the tranquility of being at home, with family and animals. Nowadays, we work parttime, part from home and although we have more social contacts such as school run, we do try to keep part of that tranquility that we experienced. Do appreciate the fact that now we can choose instead of it being forced upon us.

I'm beginning to think some users have a secret bingo game of how quickly they can mention peri.

😂

If it's not the Meno-Mafia, it's the ADHD crowd!

I've been taking HRT for a short while. I've always felt like this, however, and liked the idea of solitude and peace and quiet.

You're right. Mumsnet certainly does have a reputation for mentioning all of those things 😀

I fantasise about this daily. A cabin in the woods or a cottage in remote Scotland. Dogs for company. As long as I've access to books, jigsaws, food, tea, nature, I'd be fine.

I've always been very introverted and the older I get, the more I'm done with society. I'm also on the pathway for adult autism assessment which I s probably a huge factor

Not sure it'll be become reality as I have DH and kids. And even when they're grown, my son will probably always need support of some kind (autism).

I indulge my fantasy as much as I can with my circumstances and through YouTube videos/Instagram accounts/book based in Alaska.

I hear you op. I live with my dh in the country, he works shifts and I wfh, we have 2 dogs. I live a lot of the life you mention as I don't really see dh during the week - and it's blissful I've said that if anything happened to dh I'd not date again and I'd happily never leave the house except to walk the dog and get food

@23Hares Yes Knoydart! That was it, I want to live there. Saw a piece on Springwatch filmed there a few years ago and thought it looked beautiful.

Buy a goat 🐐. Life will be great again

Goats are better than dogs and don't even consider sheep as they are just the prototype for goats that didn't work out too well.

I think the reason several posters are connecting this with the menopause is that the average age of menopause coincides with a time when many people have heavy demands made upon them from every direction and are getting to a point when it all feels too much. Personally I think I have a good balance now. I live alone in a rural area but there are plenty of people I can invite round or meet up with if I want to. I’m retired, which is nice. I think it would take me a long time to feel lonely if I didn’t see people. I’m content with my own company most of the time.

Yeah I think there is something to this. When DM was my age dsis and I were already at Uni and we then both went on to live independently immediately. She was ( happily I think) an empty nester at 47. Her parents did then get old and she had a full on second career but she didn’t have dependent parents and dependent kids. She was enjoying a new stage of her life.

At that same age I’ve got a 13&11 year old and just fortunate that my parents are in great health atm and tbh even my kids are quite independent now. If they were now 5&8 and my parents were struggling I’d also want to go live in a cave somewhere. There are still days when I am sick of everyone’s questions and needs.

It's tempting, but the person I knew who lived like this became progressively more eccentric and isolated, began to seriously self neglect and died alone without anyone knowing. It was very sad.

Grass is always greener. You can water the grass you are on.
Detach from the drama.

I am pretty much doing this

My kids are grown up and at uni. One has just finished.

They come back occasionally.

I worked part time or full time for 20 years around them.

I am very disabled and have seven diagnoses at last count. I use a wheelchair.

I don't really feel lonely because I am so grateful to be out of my previous life.

My ExH was abusive and I had to work to pay for the kids' needs. I suffered pain every day and needed to take strong drugs to cope.
Me and my DD left after he got violent towards her and hurt her quite badly.

She is also disabled and we had a period of 2 years of moving from one insecure house to another while I tried to support her to get into uni, held down a part time job and tried to stop my Ex interacting with her at all despite him tracking us.

I am so happy to have a home
I am so happy my DD has recovered from what her dad did to her
I am so happy that I no longer have to go out to work every day to pay for my kids' needs.

My pain is so much better for not having to do all of this.

There are many. many, worse things than loneliness, and if I do get lonely I snuggle a cat. They might scratch you but they are not going to abuse you.

I fantasise occasionally about a life like this and on the rare occasions when I get a day without my partner or DD I cherish it but in reality I would hate it full time. There are people who thrive in total solitude but most people need some social interaction more than they realise.

Being tired of dealing with other people's bullshit/wanting a bit of peace are not the same thing as actually wanting to be a hermit.

I had a few years living on my own and loved it. I did not choose to have a cat. I did chat on the phone and meet people two or three times a week for a short time. That is a great way to live for me.
I now have two other people in my house, and cats, and life is much harder.

If I tried that I would quickly be at the vet's every day, saying stuff like "She hasn't pooed today", "isn't this paw slightly smaller than the others?" and "Her tail looks more curly than usual". Not because the vet is dishy although he is but because the desire for human interaction would be too strong for me.

But then, I don't have a toddler and I remember how demanding that stage was. Everyone I know is independent and managing just fine. If there were loads of demands on my time and headspace, I would probably start imagining my little cottage with room for me and a cat and a little dog, right enough. I'd picture the bookshelves in the alcoves, the cupboards with jigsaws and embroidery kits in, while listening to the quietness (only broken by the gentle gurgling of the dishwasher.

I do kind of look forward to that, but I still want that cottage to be near people. I'd want to go do tai chi in the community centre and go to talks at the library, chat to people as I walk my little dog and pop into the vet's for parasite treatment for my animals and gaze at the lovely vet.

I'm not remotely an extrovert but I can't imagine wanting to live miles away from other people, I just couldn't.

They really should. My cottage was going to be half way up a mountain.