To think actually nobody can help me? Do other people live like this too?

[SoStResseds]

I’m 37. I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I remember being 5 and almost being physically sick worrying about spelling tests and since then I’ve worried about everything under the sun… health, people dying, paranoia, thinking people hate me, worrying I will become bankrupt, worrying I will be shot while driving (?!), worrying I have offended people… it goes on and on and on. I have sought help often. Had therapy, it works a little and I am not as bad as I used to be but I’m still 37 and a huge proportion of my life is lived in anxiety. Is this just it for me? I have tried so hard, spoken to gp, read books, meditation. I’m too anxious to take medication so I haven’t tried that although it’s been offered over the years. I’ve been told it’s a sticking plaster anyway and not dealing properly with the anxiety itself. I know this has come from huge pressure academically as a child and I have had therapy for that. I understand I am probably of that nature too and it’s just been an awful mix of things and now I’m here. I genuinely feel mildly nauseous everyday even when I don’t know why im anxious. Do other people live like this too?

Partly I would agree with you, I was so anxious as a child I could barely go to assembly as I felt all the teachers were staring at me as I must be doing something wrong.

However I know that when I'm having a really anxious episode ( like now I have a child who has finished cancer treatment and it might come back) I am more likely to think that I have been extremely anxious my whole life and that makes me feel more sad. The reality is as a pp said, I am a bit of a worrier who is more likely to feel very anxious than other people when times are hard.

Try and think back to some times when you felt anxious then felt better. Remember that your feelings and thoughts are not 'you' and might not be an accurate picture if you are having a difficult time. Be kind to yourself - lots of us feel like you and we still live a full life. Sometimes our anxieties have helped us prepare for a tricky situation and sometimes they have made things worse. There are things like CBT and drugs that can help us through the more tricky times. For the world to function, we need people who are thoughtful and plan for the worst as well as people who just to throw themselves in!

Medication is the answer here. It’s ironic really but there you go.

Give it a try.

I've lived with a MH condition for a long time which periodically gets worse and needs a lot of work to maintain at a level or bring back to a level. The right, or right enough, therapist is needed in these times and if I could afford it I'd see a really good one I know a couple of times a month and that would probably improve things for me further. Be assured it CAN get a lot better even if you aren't ever completely 'cured' from it at such and learn how to live with whatever anxiety is left.

Another one (probably unnecessarily) echoing the suggestion to consider medication. Sertraline worked reasonably well for me, but I had some side effects I couldn’t cope with after a dose increase (tummy upset, nothing dangerous). Citalopram I have taken before without any side effects at all. My point is, give it a shot, and even if whatever you’re prescribed first doesn’t work, there are other options.

And it IS dealing with the anxiety itself, hopefully dialling it back to such an extent that you are able to cope with day to day life better. Therapy is of course great to use in conjunction.

And do make sure you’re letting your healthcare professional know about your OCD-type symptoms too, as this may influence their course of action.

I’m another recommending sertraline. I’ve taken it for a few years now and i has surprised me how normal my life is now without constant panic and overthinking. The fear was controlling my life and stopping me living. It is still there to a certain extent but completely in proportion. I’m a much stronger person as a result and more functional my home/work life.

Pleas speak to a dr.

Sorry OP I voted YBU as you haven’t tried medication.

They are not a sticking plaster, they are part of an holistic approach to managing mental ill health.

If you had an issue with another part of your endocrine system so your hormones went wacky, you’d take medication for it. This isn’t any different. Some people just don’t have the wiring to not be anxious and that’s ok! Medication is there to help you!

I suffered terribly with anxiety and dissociation. I took citalopram for two years and it was brilliant. Eventually I didn’t feel I needed it anymore so I slowly tapered off. I had cbt and psychotherapy then and I still have counselling now.

I initially started off with another drug but that didn’t make me feel any happier, so I stopped taking that and switched to citalopram. There are a few different medications available so don’t be put off if the first one doesn’t sit right. And don’t be put off by there being different medications available - some people use one type of inhaler, others use another. We are all individuals. It’s no big deal.

There is hope!

I've also had anxiety all my life and the medications help a lot. I'm on escitalopram and trazodone. They were a miracle for me.

Yes, if you Google search instruisve thoughts... The example are similar to what you have mentioned.

I agree that ACT might be a good approach to try. I use it as part of a combination of approaches that work for me (and don't conflict with one another too much although learning a toolbox of strategies is also a helpful thing). Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy can also work well for some people in ways that CBT doesn't. Both are evidence-based and gradually finding their way into NHS treatment (slowly) after decades or research and refinement, and more in some places outside the UK. But see someone who has had plenty of training in it, ACT- or MBCT-light might do more harm than good.

But it could be a chemical imbalance. Sertraline really helped me. Needed to be on it several years.
Sometimes there is an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain and that needs to be corrected with drugs, like many physical medical conditions.

I do agree that I’d really try medication but if you think that won’t ever be possible yes, I think it could possibly be freeing to accept that this is who you are and who you’re likely to be forever. Maybe this would give you a chance to start adjusting your life (e.g. work for yourself etc) to suit your condition, rather than planning to be “better”, and see if that helps at all?

💐OP

I'm afraid I don't have any answers. This has been me all my life. My early life was filled with traumas, the result for me has been daily anxiety, and lack of confidence and self-actualisation ever since. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. Like the poster above I went through my entire 20's and early thirties before I understood that my baseline was anxiety induced stress. But it wasn't like now decades ago. There was no syndrome of chronic anxiety really talked about. Only depression. So I had no frame of reference.

My anxiety was so bad that I almost got myself evicted because I couldn't bring myself to open the court date letter. When I eventually did after several rounds to the loo, I discovered it was happening within an hour. Luckily I got there just in time to make my case.

Eventually I blew my adrenals and nervous system out. I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia now with zero exercise intolerance. Which makes it 10 x worse.

I did try CBT which helped, but it was on the NHS and limited to a few months. Tried citalopram. Made me a zombie on the lowest dose.

Did talk therapy. Frankly I felt worse afterwards

Thanks for starting the thread. I wish I could help. Only religion strangely, and prayer helps for me.

You sound just like me. CBT doesn’t help me . I know all the methods but makes no difference. I’ve been on medication for over a year and it’s changed my life. Had a terrible year this year with family bereavement, illness and job loses but I’ve got through it all and I don’t know how I would of if I had been in the same mind space as before.

Sertraline was an absolute godsend for my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. There is nothing to be worried about with medication. It can literally change your life.

What meds are people taking?

I am so anxious about it, obviously…. I feel so stressed about the idea of taking anything and what it might do.

Citalopram will help you. You can't carry on as you are.

37 years of living like this and you've tried everything — except the one thing widely known to help?

There's a point at which an observer can only wonder whether this anxiety has some kind of pay-off for you. Why wouldn't you try medication in order to function better and put yourself in a space where talking therapy might work more effectively?

I know I don't sound sympathetic, OP, but I am. Back in the early 90s when Prozac was first introduced it transformed the lives of several people around me who had been living with anxiety and other issues. Try the medication recommended. I can't begin to imagine how much probably needless distress you're bearing. We're so lucky to live now, with all the medical understanding and relief available. What do you lose by taking it? You can always stop. What do you choose? A distressed life, with cortisol doing all kinds of unknown damage to your body? Or a life where you can relax and actually enjoy yourself without dread?

I used to be like this too OP. I would CONSTANTLY think the worse and imagine up worst case scenarios e.g. boyfriend has died because he didn't text back within an hour.

Honestly, it was draining and exhausting!! The only thing that helped was counselling for some other issues, and CBT. The CBT really helped me to challenge my thoughts and to approach my anxious thoughts with rational ones. For example:

I feel like I may be made redundant tomorrow.

I would then think, ok - is there anything I can do about this right this second, or is it something I need to address at a later time.

As I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, I would think, right tomorrow I will set aside 10 minutes to worry about it.

Then the next day I would literally set a 10 minute timer to sit down with a cup of tea and let myself worry and google and look at my finances and other jobs. Once the timer is up, I get up and make sure I do something else completely.

It takes time to get used to it and it feels silly at first, but it really has helped! I barely worry now and I'm so much happier for it 😃

Oh no! Now on top
of everything else I am worried that I suffer from anxiety. It’s awful isn’t it? So glad I am not the only one.

I didn’t sleep at all on Sunday night for worrying that a relative was going to be knifed just because I saw some kids loitering in the street where they live.

i have never sought help for this, although I have been having therapy for something else (related I suppose).

I’d definitely explore medication. I’d also try cbt if you haven’t already

Yes, medication.

At various points Sertraline, Citalopram and Duloxetine. All work, differing side effects, all side effects in now way compare to the crushing reality of the anxiety. Try it, you have to stick with it for a while to see the effects, it is life changing.

Sorry if you haven’t tried medications you haven’t “tried everything”

I wonder if I’m on the spectrum as my mum and sibling are. I too was wracked with worry about every single little thing, I think about what I’m going to say to any person that I may bump into during my day, practise my lines if you will all the time. It’s exhausting, I also think about any possibility of anything that could happen and then what is going to be my reaction, for example if my tyre goes flat as I’m driving, what I will do, who I will call etc.

propranolol has been a game changer for me. I’m no longer sweating with worry about every single little thing

My sister suffered with terrible anxiety all her life and like you was too anxious to try medication. She wouldn’t even have a paracetamol. She was petrified of allergies and so wouldn’t eat any of the 14 main allergens, just in case she had an allergic reaction to them - even though she had never had an allergic reaction to anything in her life! She wouldn’t go on any public transport, had major panic attacks and so many other things that really affected the quality of her life. She had years of therapy, CBT, hypnosis but nothing helped. The eventual game changer was when she got pregnant and had her first child. Her anxieties became about her child and she knew that she had to get help for her baby’s sake, otherwise it would start having a negative affect on him too. She started taking anxiety medication and she says it has absolutely changed her life. She eats all foods in the world, she goes on buses, trains and even recently went on an aeroplane on holiday for the first time in 15 years! Please speak to your GP about trying medication, it could completely transform your life, you don’t want to live like this til you are grey and old do you?? What have you got to lose by trying 💐

I completely understand the reluctance to medicate, it took significant bereavement to push my anxiety from ordinary to debilitating. At that point it was try medication or lose my job/family/friends. Please consider giving it a go.

Mirtazapine made a massive difference to my anxiety levels, even when I could feel myself worrying about something I wasn't making myself physically ill with the worry. It has a sedating side effect too which is handy if you don't sleep well.

I had to switch to Sertraline though because I was gaining a lot of weight on Mirtazapine. My anxiety is still under control but I'm back to not sleeping well.

There's pros and cons to all of them, but if you get on with one of the anti-anxiety medications it really can make the world of difference to you.

Reading this with interest and am in same place as OP. GP is very keen on me trying meds, but I just don't trust it. I am afraid of the stories I hear about suicidal ideation increasing, even temporarily, on things like sertraline. Afraid of lifelong dependency on it., and this emotional numbness that people talk of.