I hate Christmas Day plans…why is it so hard!?

[Allthingssprinkles]

Every Christmas there is always a big fuss made about Christmas Day plans…why do I always feel torn?!
This year is no different, I spent last year with my mum and children.
This year I have a wonderful boyfriend, we are a week away from our 1st anniversary. We both have 2 children and due to my circumstances we always go to his, he doesn’t come to mine - it’s not practical and it doesn’t work and I’m happy with the situation.
He said he is hoping we will spend all of Christmas with him, Xmas eve, Xmas day and Boxing Day. Which I would love!
Then I have my mum, who is already pressing for Xmas day plans and told me this morning that she’ll be really upset if I don’t spend the day with her as she’s helped out massively with my 2 DD’s this year. (I feel this is slightly unfair and like she is threatening to not help me with childcare is she doesn’t spend Xmas lunch with us)
I don’t know how best to split my time? Any helpful ideas?
My boyfriend lives 45 minutes away and my mum is 30 mins away, the only option I see at the moment is me rushing from one house to another and having another shitty Christmas Day trying to fit everyone in!x

Can't you all eat together?

Is there a reason you can't all spend the day together?
Personally I wouldn't dump my mother, and the children's Grandma at Christmas for a casual boyfriend. See him on Boxing Day.

Is your mum invited to your boyfriend's for the day/lunch? Would she want to go there?

Can you all spend it together?

I can see what your mum is saying. You've been with your boyfriend less than a year, presumably she has facilitated your relationship by looking after your DCs and now you want to ditch her on Christmas day.

Do whatever you think is best for you, but remember that if you show your DM how unimportant she is she may well respond in kind.

You have years ahead with your boyfriend if it works out. Take it from me your Christmases with your DC will go by in the blink of an eye. Why not have your mum over on Christmas Eve ( or go to her), have the evening/ Christmas Day with her then go to your boyfriend on Christmas evening.

Either have your mum to your boyfriends or spend it with your mum. Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with your boyfriend. I wouldn’t chose a boyfriend of a year over my mum personally.

Just take your mum with you.

If that's not possible you should prioritise your mum over a boyfriend of 1 year.

Could you tell your bf that your mum wants to spend Christmas Day with you and see if he extends an invite to her?

If not, I would go to the boyfriend early on Christmas Eve, spend the night, go to your mum’s Christmas Day, then back to the boyfriend for Christmas night and Boxing Day. It does feel a bit blackmailey that your mum is asking for the day as a ‘reward’ for helping you, but she probably feels it’s also a bit off that you rely on her throughout the year, then disappear on the one day she wants to rely on you because you’ve had a better offer.

I’d spend it with my mum and kids at mine.
invite bf to yours .
Or you go to boyfriends on Boxing Day

Poor kids I’m your scenario
Getting ferried about for two days of Xmas. .

You are being massively unreasonable to dump your mother (who helps you out year round with childcare) for your boyfriend of a year. You sound ungrateful and selfish. See your boyfriend on Christmas eve and boxing day, spend Christmas day at your house with you children and mother.

Do not dump your mum, especially for the whole 3 day period. Things might be great with your boyfriend now but who knows about the future. Plus I bet your kids wild much rather be with you and their gran. If the relationship lasts there will be many many more years in the future when you can prioritise your boyfriend.

I’d spend Christening with my mum and kids (if possible maybe ask boyfriend and family over in the evening) and then do Christmas Eve/ Boxing Day with the boyfriend/ his family.

I'd spend Christmas with my mum. It sounds like you and the children see a lot of her, and presumably the children would enjoy seeing her over Christmas? I can also see why she may feel hurt that she provides support for you, but then you don't want to celebrate with her.

A year is relatively new for a relationship, I'd not prioritise that over my mum and would arrange another time to have a Christmas celebration with new boyfriend a few days before or after Christmas.

Also plan something nice with your boyfriend for the anniversary and explain that this is your couple time, and you plan to prioritise your mum at Christmas.

1 year isn’t a really long relationship, I never spent christmases with boyfriends until we’d passed the 2-3 year mark. Christmas is really about the kids and I bet they’d feel happier and more comfortable spending it with granny than mum’s relatively new boyfriend. Maybe spend it with him next year if all is still well.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mum, AND she's helped you out a lot this year with the DCs.

Frankly, I'd prioritise seeing my mum, and the DCs grandma, over a "still pretty new" boyfriend.

Can you not ask your bf if your mum can come along too, it would only be one more and then everyone can be together. If not have Christmas day with your mum, and boxing day with him because if you've got good mum you should cherish her while you can, she won't be around forever

I wouldn't ditch my mum for a new boyfriend at Christmas. It's even more harsh that you obviously don't even want to see her on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day either. What a slap in the face.

Absolutely ridiculous and selfish that you’d ditch your mum over the Christmas period for a relatively short term boyfriend. I feel sorry for your kids really, being thrown all in to this new relationship rather than spending the festive period with their grandmother who sounds as though she’s very hands on and helpful to you.

Mum comes first on Xmas day. If you’re close enough with boyfriend to spend Christmas together then you’re close enough for your mum to join you. Literally no debate on this one.

Sorry to say I think you have to put aside your honeymoon urge to spend the whole period with your boyfriend. Your DC have to come first, do they want to be with him for the duration? Wouldn’t they rather be at home and with your Mum who they must have a close relationship with?

It sounds like your Mum is a huge help with childcare, it seems very mean to exclude her at Christmas. Does she have anyone else to spend it with?

If you've only been with your boyfriend less than a year, presumably your children have only just recently been introduced to him and his children (if at all at this stage) and equally his children will only recently have been introduced to you. Do the children really want to spend their family Christmas with relative strangers?

I'd prioritise my family rather than a new boyfriend for Christmas, especially since it's so centred around children. Perhaps as a trade off, you could find babysitters for the children on NYE, and have an adult celebration with your new boyfriend (and then head home for a family lunch on NYD).

You'd be stupid to push away your mum for your boyfriend. I'd spend Xmas eve with your boyfriend, Xmas day with your mum and then back to your boyfriend for boxing day. I'd also be wary of always having to go to his for plans why can't he be bothered to come to yours? It's fine to be excited about a new relationship but you are showing your mum how little you value her by putting her aside for a new person in your life. Don't be surprised if she is less available when you need her

I’m sure there must be some compromise here. Is your Mum otherwise on her own? In which case it would be very unreasonable just to dump her, esp for a boyfriend of only one year.

Sounds like you think she’s only good for childcare and not to spend any quality time with.

Can she come too? Or can you spend some time with her and then with boyfriend- or the other way around? What would your kids enjoy?

I can see what your mum is saying. You've been with your boyfriend less than a year, presumably she has facilitated your relationship by looking after your DCs and now you want to ditch her on Christmas day.

This. Don't dump your mum on Xmas just cos you're starry-eyed for this guy. If he's a keeper, there'll be plenty of xmasses, but it's early days to be giving over the whole of your Xmas to him.