To expect him to wake me up?

[GhostofCastleMcDuckula]

Three nights in a row this has now happened, but happens here and there all the time!

I do DCs bedtimes. DC5 can’t go to sleep without someone being there. We have currently got a lot going on, and we are both knackered, so currently I am finding myself falling asleep while settling DCs a lot more than usual.

DH however…. Doesn’t wake me up! I wake up in my DCs bed still fully clothes, make up on etc at 2/3/4am uncomfortable and disoriented. A lot of the time I haven’t even had my dinner.

If I ask DH why he didn’t wake me and usually get something like “I thought you were ready for bed” … like, really!?

YABU- it’s not his responsibility to make sure you get to bed properly
YANBU - it’s common sense for him to wake you

Get DH to put the kids to bed, problem solved.

But yes, a decent partner would wake you up.

If it were the other way round of course I would wake him up, I feel like it’s just common sense.

I agree with Julie, he should put dc to sleep.

And yes, he should check on you, that’s what a loving partner would do.

He goes to bed and doesn’t wonder why you’re not on it?

What a fuckwit.

If he won’t change then start giving less of a shit about him as well.

Get ready for bed before you settle the kids down?

What a dick, so he carried on with his evening, eats dinner and doesn't wonder if you might have been hungry?!

Well, I think it’s debatable the first time. But once you’ve said once, please will you wake me up in future - it’s pretty obvious.

The problem is not with your husband, but with you needing to get into your child's bed. You probably need to find a way for your 5 year old to go to sleep alone. Or - have your dinner before the children go to bed, let your husband put the kids to bed whilst you have a shower. At the moment, it doesn't sound like much of a marriage.

I thought you ate with the kids before I got home” 🙄🙄🙄

I used to fall asleep with my daughter sometimes. If anyone had woken me up, I would have eaten them. If I'm sleeping it's because I need to sleep!

However, if you have previously asked to be woken up if you accidentally fell asleep and he hasn't, then that is different and YANBU.

Even if I'd not been asked to wake the other parent up, I'd at least go and nudge them when I went to bed so they could get changed and go to bed properly.
I'm a single parent with a similar DC so this happens frequently and now I get changed when he does 😂

To be fair I should have anticipated a “your 5yo should go to sleep alone”

he is having really bad night terrors at the moment and so bedtime is a really scary/difficult time for him at the moment.

I used to have them for a long time throughout childhood and my parents still made me go to bed alone. I am not denying him that comfort right now ☹️

Yes! A little nudge and the opportunity for my actual pjs is all I ask 😂

5 is very young.
Will never understand why humans are so obsessed with sleeping away from their kids.

Maybe your DH thought it better for you to leave you to sleep... that is what I would think

in your day clothes and mascara?

I don't know about anyone "being obsessed" with sleeping away from their kids, but the OP isn't happy, nor is her husband, and certainly not her child. My eldest had night terrors when he was about 3, but we did things to try to solve that - we changed his bedroom for our, so that he slept at the front of the house (better street lighting), decorated it with wallpaper he chose, left the landing light on, went in if he cried (but didn't get into bed with him), and played soothing music. It worked, eventually, but were we all able to get some sleep

Would he be able to get in and wake you up without waking up DC too? Tbh if I specifically asked to be woken up I would be annoyed if I wasn't!

I'm not saying you should deny an upset child any comfort, but perhaps you could try other ideas -

Sit next to his bed, instead of being in it
Have some soothing music playing
Leave a landing light on, with his door open
Have a shower or bath when he has his (bath with him?)

Been there, done that.

But why would you think that if the OP's specifically asked to be woken up?

I'd take them off before putting dc to bed in case you do fall asleep with him in that case. I think yab a bit unreasonable.

Great, now the OP's getting unsolicited parenting advice about the bedtime routine 🙄

He should wake you up. But I’d get into your pajamas and take make up off before putting the kids to bed, it’s comfier anyway!

YABU

I used to fall asleep when tired with Ds was a toddler . I was a Lp so no one to wake me up but do remember waking up thinking why is he in my bed again but realising I was asleep in bed with my Ds’s toddler bed .

I would say if you are so tired you are falling asleep and not waking up till 2 in the morning you are at a level of exhaustion . You probably do need the sleep . Do have something to eat get pj’s on before Ds goes to bed then get a really early night

Meh. I co sleep with an almost 5yo and an almost 2yo. I don't fall asleep with them these days, but I used to when it was just ds, and he was sleeping in 1 hour stints for the first 2 years.

I'd agree with pp. Eat dinner or a snack early, get changed into 'lounge wear' if not pjs, remove makeup, moisturise, teeth brush and meds - whatever your basics are - before the kids go to bed.

I'd be cross not to be woken if I'd asked to be. But dp would not wake me if I'd not asked. We're both exhausted.