To expect him to wake me up?

[GhostofCastleMcDuckula]

Three nights in a row this has now happened, but happens here and there all the time!

I do DCs bedtimes. DC5 can’t go to sleep without someone being there. We have currently got a lot going on, and we are both knackered, so currently I am finding myself falling asleep while settling DCs a lot more than usual.

DH however…. Doesn’t wake me up! I wake up in my DCs bed still fully clothes, make up on etc at 2/3/4am uncomfortable and disoriented. A lot of the time I haven’t even had my dinner.

If I ask DH why he didn’t wake me and usually get something like “I thought you were ready for bed” … like, really!?

YABU- it’s not his responsibility to make sure you get to bed properly
YANBU - it’s common sense for him to wake you

I’d get into my pjs and eat, then put ds to sleep and sleep myself

Thanks for the suggestions @MyFavouriteBlankWall - we already do most of this anyway. And it isn’t a thread asking for advice on dealing with night terrors.

like I said, I had them for years as a kid and my sleep ended up really disordered for a loooong time because of it. I am not going to dismiss the fact he feels he needs one of us right now (they are quite a new thing). At some point we won’t lay with him any more and I’m sure one day we will be back to him going to bed by himself. But this isn’t the time.

Nothing wrong with lying with a child while they go to sleep. I still lie with my son who will be 7 in January. Have two teenagers and when they were little everyone was obsessed with self soothing etc 🙄 wish I’d never listened. I can guarantee I won’t still be lying with him in 10 years time! They are only little once.

As for the DH not waking you, it’s out of order if he knows you don’t want to be asleep!

I'd normally agree with this, but if it's happened 3 days in a row and each time when she's woken up she's asked why he didn't wake her up.. I would think it's pretty clear she wants him to wake her up.

Is he frightened of waking your son up too if he wakes you up? Seems odd that he'd leave you to it when you've asked him to wake you up!

I lay with my 9 year old son until he was 6, he’s now 9 and thinks I’m so uncool he doesn’t even want to hug me most of the time anymore. I don’t regret one single night of laying with him while he fell asleep, and it’s not affected his development at all - he’s fine. I still lay with my 6 year old daughter and I will until she doesn’t need me to anymore. These years are short OP and theres nothing wrong with what you are doing. Enjoy those cuddles and moments with your DS.

Take phone with you set volume lower and set alarm for hour's time. But yes he should give you a little nudge to wake you.

OP - you are definitely not being unreasonable lying with a five year old until they go to sleep. I have slightly older kids and I still lie or sit with them until they get to sleep if they need me to.

OH and I are getting more sleep now so rarely fall asleep doing bedtime, but in the past we'd both have to wake each other up regularly. We've always eaten before the kids bedtime, and I started getting into my pyjamas and taking my makeup off while the kids got ready too so I could do a quick transfer to my own bed if necessary, but unless your kids have a double bed you're never going to have a decent nights sleep squeezed in with them.

Whilst it might be kind for you OH to leave you there for a quick nap while he makes your dinner, eating without you and going to bed without you is really not kind. If he's going to persist in this behaviour I say let him take over bedtime!

A couple of things that have helped me with this as I lay with my 2 y/o to get him to sleep. When I was pregnant with our baby I was often falling asleep!

• We all eat together at 6pm
• get fully ready for bed while my husband does bathtime
• airpods in with a podcast to concentrate on
• set an alarm on my watch for 30 mins

Get into your pjs and tans make up off before you settle your dc. It's not your partners fault that you're falling asleep. Personally I had being woken up from sleep so my dh wouldn't do it (risk the wrath!).

Have you directly told him "if I fall asleep doing DC's bedtime, wake me up please"?

I don't really like being woken up, even if I nod off on the sofa in my clothes or whatever, so I wouldn't wake DP up if it was him. However if he asked me to wake him up, specifically or generally, of course I'd do it! But neither way is unreasonable so you have to communicate what you want directly.

Have you actually asked though?

All it takes is you saying "Don't let me fall asleep", "come get me if I'm not down in X minutes" or something similar.