To feel like moving to Scotland might be a bad idea?

[Dontsquashthechocolatemousse]

Currently we live in South West England.

DH has just landed a new job, and it's fully remote - which means we can live anywhere in the UK.

This sounded amazing at first and we let our imaginations run wild as to where we could live. We've sort of settled on Perthshire in Scotland as our dream location.

However, my parents live in the south west (about 1.5 hours away currently). They're late 70s, currently in good health, with busy, independent lives. My other, older siblings live much further away than we do, so we see them the most. They're very close to our young children.

I think it would break their hearts if we moved that far away from them. I know it's only a short plane ride away, but really, how often could we afford to make that journey? And what happens if they get ill, or need looking after?

On the other hand, they could chug along just fine for another 15 years. And they moved all over the world themselves when they were younger - only settling after I was born.

My DH would be so disappointed not to make the most of this opportunity, and to start a new adventure. But I can't help but feel a weight in my chest at the thought of being so far away from my parents.

WWYD?

@Dontsquashthechocolatemousse, I think very carefully about this. I'm English, live in Yorkshire and I live Scotland. I've holidayed every from D&G to Orkney and have visited several times a year for 30 years. Both my GM were Scottish. I feel a real affinity fir Scotland, and Perthshire is one of our favourite places.

DM lived in Somerset though (she's single, DDad died 30 years ago). When the dc were little, it became increasingly difficult to explain that Granny wasn't able to come to their birthday party/nativity/school fair etc. we'd spend a lot of my annual leave visiting her - which is of course lovely, but limits opportunities for other holidays, seeing local friends.

DM moved to the next village from my after lockdown. The dc (now teens) have loved having her nearby. They call in on their way home from school. DS walks her dog. She drops in for coffee, we share many meals, all those little "day to day"activities, rather than the "grand gesture" of a 4-5 day trip.

DM is 80 now and her health has nosedived in the last couple of years. I've taken her to many medical appts and nursed her through cancer & chemo, awful Covid and other illnesses. This was so much easier with her being local and not 250 miles away. My PiL are also 5 hours drive away, also early 80s and their health is beginning to fail. DH is spending more and more weekends going down to help them. A 5 hr drive is the edge of "doable in a weekend".

All the parents in question were fit, healthy, strong etc well into their 70s. None of them have ever smoked, none of them drink more alcohol than a Sherry at Christmas. They've all been taken by surprise a buy their failing health.

I'm rambling. I think what I'm trying to say is - if you are used to having family around, don't underestimate of not having them on both you and them; be prepared that your parents' health may not remain as good as it has been in the past; be able to get to them quickly - a 2 hour drive to a weekly flight would be very limiting, regardless of cost (I'm probably exaggerating flight frequencies, but you get my gist).

It does feel to me that staying in the SW is the right thing for you at the moment.

Literally stopped on my way to work yesterday and took this photo.

So bleak.

So grey.

The rain.

Horrific.

Definitely don't move here.

Do a list look at the tax.
Remember no guarantee the free stuff will remain free.
Free uni means shortage of places like the free nursery in England the unis can't afford it so cut the number of places for Scottish students.

Remember that he might not stay in the same job forever, less job opportunities in Scotland than in the south.

This is a handy tool to see the tax differences:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/tax-calculator/

We visited some friends who live just outside Perth in the summer, on our way further north, and it seemed very nice. Perth is a lovely city and our friends’ view from their patio was to die for.

I doubt SNP will be in control after next election anyway.

Agreed but it also means lots of 'free' stuff is likely to be cut back.

I don't think anyone genuinely moves country on the strength of free (shittty) school meals or prescriptions though.

😂 where did you get this information?

My friends have done this with two children and parents in their 70s. They've been there nearly two years and haven't looked back. They love it. However both parents are in good health.

My dp moved 6 hours away from me and my db and it did cause issues when my dm was ill, she had dementia and my df had a heart attack at the same time. There was a lot of travelling and juggling work/children etc.

Agreed but I do think people might consider the 'free' uni in their sums, at £10k a year multipled by 3 or 4 years and however many kids when weighing up would they / wouldn't they be better off.

I'm honestly not convinced it will still be universely free in 5 years time, possibly still free for low income. The unis are using English & International students to subsidise the free spaces so less places for Scottish students. Which also means families might end up paying anyway if their kids don't get a Scottish place.

Oh that's true I guess @Sugarfree23

Thing is though, kids aren't really that biddable and go to the Uni you want. Also don't people know that getting into any particular Uni is far from guaranteed anyway? Seems like a bit of a gamble to base such a move on.

I am also from the south west. I lived in Fife for a number of years for DHs job.

The pros - beautiful countryside, forests, beaches.

Cons - very cold winters. Summer climate is nothing like southern England! It's chilly most of the year.

It's remote and SO far away from friends and family

In my experience the Scottish really do not like the English! Yes of course there are exceptions but it can be pretty hostile.

Very limited job opportunities for me.

Overall I'm glad we lived there, it was (mostly) fun for a few years, but this was pre kids. There's absolutely no way I would live there again permanently.
What exactly attracts you to Perthshire? It's a bit of a random choice I must say!

Quite the sweeping statement there love!

”In my experience the Scottish really do not like the English”
Interesting neither my son who lives in the very friendly Glasgow or myself have found this. Most people are curious as to why you’ve moved here but I personally have never met any Scot’s who dislike the in fact I find most Scots friendly. At a recent conference I talked to others who’d moved here from many parts of the works and they also reported no issues. I recently visited my old stomping ground in England I’ve got so used to smiling and at the very least saying hello to everyone I meet, initially I was thinking what wrong with all these miserable buggers?
Im not saying it doesn’t happen but I don’t think it’s inevitable that you’ll be disliked if you’re English. Perth is a nice city everyone seemed very friendly when I went there.

I wouldn't move there. I'd rather stay in England. Friends family are here

Hell no

I agree, we spend a lot of time in Scotland and have never come across anything like this.

My friends moved to Fort William and said the same.

Is it? 😂😂😂

you have to do what is right for you.

pros and cons list.

for me it would be too far from my mum, dh’s sister moved 90mins away and when mil was unwell last year before she died it was so stressful for sil to be constantly driving back to her mums, juggling that and her own work, home and children.

We left Cornwall and moved to Mull, it was the best decision we have ever made. I will never live in England again I would rather move abroad. The weather is similar to the south west just a few degrees cooler. Slightly shorter daylight hours in winter but we have seen the Northern Lights and the long summer nights are beautiful. The scenery up here is spectacular, world class. The population density is so low and there is so much space and fresh air. We left the south west as it felt so crowded I felt suffocated in the summer and the natural landscape is being destroyed by too much building. Our teens love it here, they have so much freedom and have got into watersports and camping/hiking/beach bbq’s and the community has been very kind and welcoming. People are noticeably less pretentious and less ‘keeping up with the Jones’ up here. It’s a totally different way of life.

The amount of negativity spouted on here about Scotland is shocking, people travel from all over the world to visit here…it is stunningly beautiful and so rich in culture and tradition. I suppose it’s all about what you value in life but Scotland is an absolute gem of a place to live and we are seeing more people move from England every year.

I haven't read the whole thread, but if your DPs are late 70s already I wouldn't move so far away. They're independent right now, but that could change really quickly. My DPs are the same age and in the past 3 years they and their friends have had a litany of health problems crop up or get more serious and they can need support at the drop of a hat.

My DPs were recently stranded abroad when my DF was admitted to hospital while on holiday and my siblings and I had to rally round to get them and their belongings home again. There is also the guilt. As they get older I'm constantly thinking 'I need to see them, I need to spend time with them, I need to make sure my kids spend time with them and they get the opportunity to spend time with their grandkids'. You honestly never know how long you have with them. Once you get to 80+ all bets are off. It's sniper alley. The average age of death in the UK is 80.9 years. Your DPs may be healthy and wealthy and well exceed that, since it's an average, but it's a figure worth having in the back of your mind.

I love Perthshire but I find it odd to move somewhere if there's nothing tying you to that area (work, other opportunities or family connections). Even odder to move many hundreds of miles away from family to live in some place where you know nobody, unless your work requires you to.

At least consider visiting Perthshire more and and building connections in the area before you move home permanently. Over a couple of years, let's say. That will also give you a flavour of how easy it will be to travel back to see your parents and what impact such a move would potentially have on your wider family.

It does sound from your OP though that you know in your heart you don't really want to go, and it's much more your DH's dream than yours.

I am a Londoner who moved away from Manchester, because of the rain! I have to say, photos I’ve seen of parts of Scotland look absolutely beautiful. One day I will make it to the Highlands and see the beautiful scenery there.

My kids’ friends who left London to go to Edinburgh University are having a ball. Yes, it’s colder, but that’s what clothes are for. They find it really friendly and inclusive.

So regarding a move like yours, I would consider distance from family. I would also never move for my husband’s job unless I had a job too. It is much easier to integrate in a new place if you are the one working. The other thing people don’t really consider is teenagers. It is one thing moving to an idyllic location with young children. I speak from experience when I say that teenagers want good transport networks so they can be independent and meet up with friends. I would only move somewhere that had good and reliable local transport.

Good luck, OP, whatever you decide!

I do agree that distance from aging relatives who you clearly care about could become as issue. You say you can just “hop on a plane” if they live near Bristol airport it’s easy but if they live in say Penzance you’ll also have to hire a car which isn’t cheap these days and still have a significant drive, you’re unlikely to go for a day. You don’t say how old your children are but as they get older and more independent and make local friends they might not want to go and see their aging grandparents for 2-3 days (minimum).
I love Scotland it’s the most one of the most beautiful places on the planet and those os is who live here are so lucky but it’s not just about the place I do think you have to take your family circumstances and how much free time you have to travel back and forth to England into consideration as well.

I love Perthshire but I find it odd to move somewhere if there's nothing tying you to that area (work, other opportunities or family connections)

I think most that opt to make a move from a more urban to a rural area do just that though. People move to places that they find beautiful to follow their dreams of a particular lifestyle.
In reality I would imagine the success of the move varies, but I don't think it's odd to move to a place with no prior connection if there are other strong draws to the area.