To not understand why people have kids if they’re going to treat them like this :(

[SadToSeeSomeParentsAreLikeThat]

I was in a shop earlier and there was a little girl in a pram (probably 2 or 3 years old) and her mum was talking to her mum (the girls grandma) and saying how annoying the girl was and how she wishes she was at nursery. She said to the girl ‘I don’t care how poorly you are, you’re going to nursery tomorrow. Or should I just send you to your dad instead?’
Later on I heard the grandma say to the mum that she better stop or she would throw her out of the window! This was because she wanted to come out of her pram and be carried…
They were both just shouting at her, telling her off and saying horrible things to her and to each other about her. It was awful 😞
I have a 2 year old and I would never treat him like that or talk about him like that…

People are so vile. That poor child

That's so sad :( I don't understand why some parents expect their kids to behave like adults...poor little girl.

That makes me sad, she's unwell and just wants to be held.
In families like this It's generational treatment of children that's normalised because gran was treated like that, then mum was, now this child, and I suspect her children will be the same.

Well you can see where it comes from can't you. And no, of course children shouldn't be treated like this.

The same mum will probably post a photo of her 'poorly baby' on the socials, looking for attention. They don't have the emotional intelligence to see the wrong in their words.
It's a sad cycle.

I joke about throwing my kids into the bin when they have a strop but they're old enough to understand that it's a joke.

YANBU. I don't get why people like this have kids.

You just saw a small snapshot of their day. The mum could have been at the end of her tether at that point.

I don't imagine people decide they are going to be like this when they have kids. The behaviour "sneaks" in and looking at it from the outside is shocking, but...I guess a bit like you don't notice your kids growing, but Aunty who sees them every 6 weeks or so is amazed at "how much they've grown!".

They probably believed it would be all magical and lovely all the time, like society tells us it will be?

Well clearly the woman didn't anticipate the relentless hard work, otherwise she would not have had a baby. The strain has clearly wrecked the woman's relationship/family as well so she sounds like she's in a bad place.

I imagine she does love the girl, but is having a rotten time.

Unfortunate it’s generational, they don’t know any better. It just seems like the normal way to talk to your child. I know I had to learn the hard way too.

@00100001 probably, it only takes a moment to go online though while pregnant or TTCing and think "shit what did I get myself into!"

It can be generational - I was treated that way by my mum, and yes it upset me and really affected me - but then my mum and step dad would then lay into me and tease me for being 'too sensitive'. Family members didn't want to fall out with them so didn't call them out, except one who did, and relations were frosty for years afterwards - of course all my fault as well. So I just kept my gob shut and put up with it.

This went on into my late twenties after I'd had my daughter and I was following the exact same pattern because a) it was normal to me even though I knew how it made me feel, I just thought I was over sensitive and weird, and B) I didn't want my daughter to become the 'spoiled brat' that I apparently had become because they considered they were too easy on me and that was my problem.
I realised one day, all of a sudden, that I was heading towards the same relationship with my daughter as my mum has with me. And that children don't become spoiled because you're nice to them now and again, understanding and compassionate.
The clarity came when I was cut off as punishment by my parents, there was a "Well if you don't like how we treat you, you know what you can do" convinced that I needed them so would back down as usual, I didn't back down, picked up my coat and daughter and left.

And that's the day it changed. I never wanted her to feel about me how I felt about my mum. I didn't want her to feel how I felt. And out of that situation for a while (as well as showing my parents that in order to be in our lives the least I would accept was being treated decently) I suddenly saw it all for what it was.

I have a great relationship with my DD now, she's 21 and in university, from home at the moment, we are close, share a lot a talk to each other when we're getting pissed off at each other.

It's really sad when children are treated like this, but sometimes it's so entrenched that you can't see it. I'm just glad I saw it and changed before it was too late.

The apple clearly doesn't fall far from the tree.

I do think, though, that lots of people have children because it's expected, or because it's the natural "thing" to do in a relationship without really thinking about whether they're actually capable of raising a child.

There are lots of threads on here from people who never realised how hard it was to be a parent. Combine that with a poor upbringing and poor emotional intelligence and it's almost inevitable, sadly.

I could've written your post myself, though sadly our experience of breaking those cycles Is fairly irregular.

When I was reading the OP, I was just thinking, there's a possibility that's my sister and mother as this is how they behave.

I've noticed this quite a lot recently. Mums really snapping at kids for something as simple as eg talking to them. Telling little ones to 'shut up' etc. Also Mums ignoring toddlers and telling them to shush or giving them tablets rather than talking with them.

It does make me sad. Most of us would do anything to go back and spend a day with ours as little ones again. I know it's relentless and so hard but you reap what you sow with kids.

@00100001 agree. People tend to have a few DC and moan after each one how hard it is. It's makes you wonder!

I try really hard not to judge parents from a snapshot. I know I said ‘oh god, I hate the summer holidays and actually can’t wait to go back to work’ this year in my driveway so if anyone heard that then, you know, I’m not winning the Mother of the year award.

I have heard parents swearing at very small children before though and it’s hard not to judge that. Once heard a Mum telling a 2 year old to fuck off, bit far…

I think there are a lot of poor parents out there.

I really hate this narrative that all parents / mothers are “doing their best”. It’s blatantly not true (and if it is, then their best isn’t good enough) and as harmful as “be kind”.

YANBU. They understand more than you’d think.

Not all sex is consensual and not all relationships allow women to take charge of their own reproductive rights so it's quite possible that this child was not wanted and has placed unbearable strain on the family.

@Twentypastfour this is so true. Lots of parents are distinctly average at best.

Some people just aren't cut out to be parents and it's not a new thing. My gran was never a natural mother to my mum and fully admitted it. She did what she had to, but was never loving or attentive. Why she had three kids I'll never know.

Lol and I suppose you lot are all perfect, are you?

”they” don’t have the emotional intelligence. Jesus.

I'm not perfect, but I know I'd be a shit parent which is why I chose not to have children. I'm too selfish and far too lazy.