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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow DS to spend his money on in game currency

69 replies

Yomuma · 19/11/2023 23:28

My DS is 11 and enjoys gaming with his friends. Recently he has been asking to spend his pocket money on these in game currencies.

To my mind, this is a massive scam - trading in real, hard earned money for pretend invisible money. I told him no, I might as well open the window and throw money out of it. What a horrible waste! My job is to help stop my child from making bad choices, and I think this is a really bad idea. These games are designed to make you want to buy more more more...its a slippery slope.
But his arguement is sound. Firstly, he explained I don't appreciate the value of the in game currency because I don't play. But to him, he gets enjoyment from it, so it isn't a waste at all. I spend money on all sorts of things he thinks are pointless but I enjoy so who I am to say what he does with his money? Would I rather he spent it on sweets to ruin his teeth and health?
I can see his point, but I still think it's a terrible waste of good money.

AIBU and living in the dark ages? Should I respect his choice?

Or do I have a duty to stop him throwing his money away?

OP posts:
sollenwir · 19/11/2023 23:31

There's no problem with buying in game currency, in controlled amounts, and using it to enhance the gaming experience. Just make it clear there are limits and suggest only spending a portion/amount of money you're happy with.

Valhalla17 · 19/11/2023 23:32

My ds uses part of his pocket money for these things, but also saves a portion every month. It's about balance, because its his pocket money and he should get to enjoy it. However, he does know that saving means he can get something even better later on...like a new pair of trainers or an actual game etc.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 20/11/2023 00:26

Would you allow him to buy sweets? A Magazine?

If you would then yes, you should let go spend the money it is his enjoyment, and he should be able to spend money on what he enjoys.

Your job is to make sure he does it in moderation.

Sparklesocks · 20/11/2023 00:31

I completely understand your concern but I think spending your money on utter bollocks as a kid/teen is a bit of a rite of passage 😄 when I was about 12 I spent all of my saved up Xmas/birthday/pocket money on a giant soft toy pig (probably about 3 feet long). I loved it! But did I realise what a waste it was a few months later and think about all the other things I could’ve bought? Absolutely!

as he says, it brings him enjoyment so I don’t think it’s a total waste. As long as there are set limits and he understands ‘once it’s gone it’s gone’ I don’t think it’s too horrendous. Sometimes making mistakes or regretting how we’ve spent money is the best way to learn.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 20/11/2023 00:32

And, what else is pocket money for? Part of it is to let them fritter it away on whatever the hell they want, the other part is to learn financial management.

DS1 would have a list of games and in game purchases he wanted to spend his pocket money on. After a few months he realised he could never afford the more expensive games as he never had that much money, so he started saving up.

He now has a part time job, and has saved up enough to buy a racing set up (several thousand dollars). His money to spend how he wants. He also knows if he wants to go out with friends he needs to spend his money on that too, and that his future car will only be partly funded by me as I have said i will match savings (up to a set limit) so he is learning to balance it out.

They have to learn to make their own mistakes with small amounts of money otherwise they will make massive mistakes when they start working full time.

Ponoka7 · 20/11/2023 00:33

We've allowed the buying of Roblox since my GC was eight. It would be hypocritical not to, considering me and two of my adult children have spent money gaming. I don't see how it's different from spending money on anything else tbh.

CaramacFiend · 20/11/2023 00:39

I'd say there's a huge difference between buying currency in say phone games vs proper console games.

With the latter they often release the core game and then follow with big updates every six months for a year or two. Often these can add a huge amount of extra content and gameplay. If you're into online gaming they're pretty much essential as you won't be able to keep playing with your mates if you don't have the new maps and they do.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2023 00:48

I'm laughing right now because I could have written this exactly many years ago about World of Warcraft when my son was a teen. I totally understand your indignation and befuddlement over spending real money for fake money.

My advice is don't make this the hill you die on. It really isn't any different than loads of other vices out there. I begrudgingly remembered the money I used to spend on teen magazines with Duran Duran on the cover and my parents never said a word. I set a limit of £20 a month and that worked.

QueenCamilla · 20/11/2023 01:05

My son is very nearly 10yo.
He is not allowed in-game purchases. He doesn't have enough brain control to successfully limit himself particularly when it comes to technogy made for the sole purpose of extracting money from gamers. It's like a fruit machine where some game tokens come out instead of coins.

I hope the law changes and games with in-game purchases become illegal.

Not everyone will be out of control when faced with gaming/gambling. But some are. And some grow out of it. And some never do. Remember the thread where OP's husband had spent tens of thousands(!) on in-game purchases?

One day my DS will be faced with those buy or stop decisions. In the meanwhile, we talk about the topic, watch videos on YouTube about the ruinous lives of no-limits gamers and Documentaries about how in-game purchases are set up to trigger in the same way that gambling games are.
I need to give him an off-switch option that I never had at his age. Unfortunately.

QueenCamilla · 20/11/2023 01:27

Also, one can't really compare this situation to buying a massive plush toy. More like it if that toy whispers at you daily for a new outfit and you can't play with it unless you crack the piggy bank.

Ponderingwindow · 20/11/2023 01:40

We made it very clear to our child that for the most part in-game currency is a giant scam. We showed her really clearly how she would actually spending large amounts of money on things that did not change her play in the game. We did this by showing her the real life equivalents of what she could buy. most of the time just being patient or putting in a bit of time will get the same result.

now expansion packs are different and we do often authorize those.

Sparklesocks · 20/11/2023 02:16

QueenCamilla · 20/11/2023 01:27

Also, one can't really compare this situation to buying a massive plush toy. More like it if that toy whispers at you daily for a new outfit and you can't play with it unless you crack the piggy bank.

Agree to disagree.

MercanDede · 20/11/2023 02:21

I buy in game currency on SimCity or I pay for premium one month when they have cool stuff. It’s entertainment. It’s like paying to go to the cinema except you get hours more entertainment for the same amount of money. It’s also more creative and less passive.

It is his pocket money, so it should be his to spend.

MercanDede · 20/11/2023 02:25

By all means if the in game currency of a particular game is a scam, as some are, then yes show him how it is a scam. Teach him to tell the difference. Not all in game currency/purchases are scams though. Some are genuinely good add ons that are good value for money and provide a lot of extra entertainment.

Elastica23 · 20/11/2023 02:40

I let DDs choose what they want to spend their pocket money on. DD2 was quite keen on game stuff, but quickly moved on to wanting to buy tangible things.

CherryMyBrandy · 20/11/2023 05:06

The point of pocket money is they spend it on what they want. It helps them learn decision making re money and budgeting. Spending it all and having nothing for other things is part of that learning.

stayathomer · 20/11/2023 05:16

my kids but every so often, it feels like a slippery slope but it’s not at all if you treat it as people say above like any other thing a child would buy. Just have talks on how he can only buy when you’ve talked it out and if it’s possible link a card that isn’t your main bank card or do one off payments or don’t link a card. Op if he never buys and he does like gaming he’ll always have the most basic eg skins/options in the game and if he’s good that’s a pity. Just tell him he has to choose carefully and it isn’t a regular thing

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 20/11/2023 05:18

Tbf my hubby, my son and I all have pocket money each money to spend as we wish. My sons and hubby’s usually ends up on gaming and mine on yarn or books… I can’t judge them

GreatGateauxsby · 20/11/2023 05:23

Ponderingwindow · 20/11/2023 01:40

We made it very clear to our child that for the most part in-game currency is a giant scam. We showed her really clearly how she would actually spending large amounts of money on things that did not change her play in the game. We did this by showing her the real life equivalents of what she could buy. most of the time just being patient or putting in a bit of time will get the same result.

now expansion packs are different and we do often authorize those.

Good advice.

the poll results are imo bizarre.
mine are younger so not at this point yet but in real life I can’t imagine the majority of MC parents letting their children spend equivalent of hundreds or thousands on worthless virtual items

limefrog · 20/11/2023 05:42

YABU.

I assume this is a game he has on his mobile phone/ tablet that he has downloaded for free.

Games are not free.

Games are content which have been created by someone - they take time to produce and a team of skilled people - they aren't free to make and distribute.

In game content is how game creators are paid, just like you pay for your TV license to fund the BBC, or you pay to download a film you want to watch or your Netflix subscription etc.

This content is no more 'pretend' than a movie or TV show that you pay for, or your internet connection, or anything else that isn't a physical thing you hold in your hands.

Let him spend his pocket money how he wants to FFS.

1099 · 20/11/2023 05:46

I agree with your son, you don't understand/play the game and therefore don't see the value of spending within it, if your son did a sport would you stop him spending money on good kit.
I do agree with PP that you should be teaching him how to set limits on what he spends within the game so that he has money for other things outside of the game.

limefrog · 20/11/2023 05:49

GreatGateauxsby · 20/11/2023 05:23

Good advice.

the poll results are imo bizarre.
mine are younger so not at this point yet but in real life I can’t imagine the majority of MC parents letting their children spend equivalent of hundreds or thousands on worthless virtual items

Show quote history

Hundreds or thousands? How much pocket money do you think this kid is getting??

RecycleMePlease · 20/11/2023 05:52

My kids are banned from buying in-game currency.

I am an IT professional, I game plenty, I morally disprove of pay-to-win, and don't think any of the aspects of encouraging children to gamble in game and pay for virtual goods with real money is good for them.

Having said that, I have, in the past, allowed them to buy a fortnite season pass.

But I'd never let them buy (nor would I buy myself) gold coins or gems to accelerate my progress in some game - my feeling is that any game that's not playable without these purchases isn't a good game, and is trying to manipulate me.

Somewhereoverthersinbowweighapie · 20/11/2023 05:53

It buys them entertainment, so I allow my kids to have a little bit to spend in game. You could get him to save half of his pocket money, or you could just give him his pocket money, let him spend it, but when he asks for something make him save up then rather than use saved money. If he games a lot I would definitely at least let him spend a bit.

GreatGateauxsby · 20/11/2023 06:00

limefrog · 20/11/2023 05:49

Hundreds or thousands? How much pocket money do you think this kid is getting??

Show quote history

Based on older children I know across the course of a year most are gifted something in the region £200 - maybe £500 plus from relatives.
my toddler is given £300-500 roughly and our immediate family is fairly small.

2-3 years of gaming across more than one game could easily tip into hundreds if they are given free access to spend their money as they see fit. Even at £10pm it’s in the hundreds…