Friend asking for money - annoying

[Gerres]

My friend has sent me a DM asking for £20 for petrol money and said she can pay it back next Sunday.

Am I being a cow for not wanting to? It’s just that she’s asked recently and I said no and I feel if I said yes it’d become a regular thing. It may be only £20 this time but it could be £100 next time. And I don’t need the anxiety for the idea of it not being paid back for the next 7 days.
Is it normal for friends to ask for money? It just feels spongy to me!

I don't give my money to people just because I can 'afford' it. She's not a particularly close friend. You know she has a habit of being a bit of a taker (from her own family, so how much worse will she be with someone she doesn't know as well?). She's already bothered you with this type of thing more than once. I loathe being put on the spot, so I wouldn't reward it and encourage more of the same.

If I knew her better, had a history of being there for one another, and believed that she'd had an extraordinary set of circumstances and wasn't just bad with money, that would change things.

‘Sorry, no’.

Or even just, ‘no’.

Some people need advice just to cross the street.

I would write back saying “This is the second time you’ve asked for money recently. This makes me very uncomfortable. You have no idea of my financial obligations. Please don’t ask me anymore.”

It's ok to say no.

This request is likely to be the tip of an iceberg.

"Friends don't enable friends to get into financial messes. If your bank account isn't the kind that will let you go overdrawn for a few days I am happy to help you apply for an account with better Ts&Cs. If you do have an overdraft and are already overdrawn then lending you more would only make things worse but I can try to help you navigate sorting yourself out with budgets and repayment plans to get you back on track. Always happy to be a supportive friend but being one of your creditors would be a bad idea."

Loans to friends or family should be considered gifts!

don’t do it if you can’t gift it.

All the more reason to give an unequivocal 'No', however much she pleads. She's used to asking people to lend to her - sounds like she's tapped out her family and this is the second time she's asked you. If you lend her the money it will be even easier for her to ask you again so you need to deal with the problem once and for all I think. Good luck OP. 🌹

@Gerres

I could definitely afford to lose the £20 as it’s only £20

BTW work out how long you'd need to do your job gross pay per hour then deduct income tax, NI and pension (info from your payslip) to get the net amount. That's how much effort and time it's taken you to earn that net £20 she's asking to borrow. 🌹

For me personally, I know my friends well enough that I’d always lend… however I also know none of them would take the pee.

also you are entitled to say ‘I’m sorry I don’t have it’ or ‘moneys tight I'm sorry’

It depends if you can afford it, if you can afford to lose it, and how good a friend she is to you?
if someone is really struggling and you can help then do it.
I occasionally have to ask a friend because I’m really low on funds, but I always give a day I’ll pay it back and make sure I do. She knows she could ask me too and I would return the favour if I was able to.

Its only £20. Unless she has form for borrowing and not paying back, I would lend her the money.

You mustn’t have read the thread. She has lots of form

Same here, and while recently I’ve been better off than her, I know she’d lend me if I needed it & she had it. It’s nice.

But I know I can say no with no fear of her being off with me. Not everyone can access cheap credit. I love my friend and her kids and I want to be part of their support network. I don’t have this dynamic with anyone else.

She's got form, don't do it.

Just say you can't do it - don't explain or apologise

You may not see the £20 again and be asked to lend more, then the cycle will continue.

Tell them no, you can't right now. The reasons are nothing to do with your friend.

Just be careful not to discuss any new purchases with them in case they think otherwise.

Issues can occur when people give in and they start begging. This has not happened to be but it has happened in the past to people I know and its not good.

What’s the context? Has she recently become a single mum and struggling cause an ex is a dick - give her the £20 if you can afford to lose it.
Is she in the pub every night and generally just a bit crap with money? I wouldn’t lend a fiver.

Just reply back to her “Shit I was about to ask you the same”

That should end the conversation right quick, and will take you off her list of people to ask.

Even when I’ve been on the bones of my arse I’ve never asked friends for money 😱

Exactly, @Dominoeffecter

I have a friend who texts religiously every Monday looking for €30 to topup her electricity. I always loan it to her because she’s reliably shown me that she can pay it back on Wednesday. However, I would be wary the first time loaning anyone money and would always chase it up. I’d probably loan it to her if it’s genuinely for petrol to get the kids to school etc but loaning this time doesn’t mean you can’t say no in future.

Out of curiosity, if you can afford it, why don’t you just give her the thirty pounds. Then you won’t have this cycle of lending and having the money repaid on a weekly basis.

Because if I give her the €30 one week, odds are she will still need to borrow it the following week due to poor money management. This way she can topup her electric every week reliably.