No interest in dating or relationships

[Cactusplantbowl]

This isn’t really an AIBU, rather has anyone else experienced similar.

I have a male friend. We met through work about ten years ago and are really good mates. We no longer work together but meet regularly, and he’s part of a wider friendship group, so we meet in a group too. He’s just turned 40.

He’s a good looking, successful guy. He’s got a really dry sense of humour, is laid back, fun and sociable without being loud and obnoxious. Lots of hobbies and interests, and has great chat. I’ll be honest, when we first met I had a small crush on him.

In all the ten years I’ve known him, he’s been single. Not only that, he’s never (as far as I know) dated anyone (before or after we met), had a one night stand, pulled, or shown any interest romantically or sexually in anyone, male or female. He’s never even said he fancies a celebrity, or anything even in passing. It’s like he’s totally oblivious to it.

We had drinks recently and during a conversation about another friend online dating, I ask him if it was something he ever did. He just said no, and if he meets someone, he meets someone, and shrugged. He didn’t expand on it but also didn’t look embarrassed or look awkward, and the conversation carried on about something else.

I want to be clear, I’m not criticising him or saying it’s weird, everyone is different. Just intrigued about whether anyone knows anyone similar?

Here's the thing: some people prioritise other stuff in their lives. I did. In part I was reacting against a mother who viewed me as a means of obtaining the grandchildren she wanted, and also I only ever met a couple of guys I was interested in, and they weren't interested in me. So that was that.

You aren’t wrong. Most blokes are pretty awful! Posts here demonstrate that.

I am currently in lust with Henry Cavill. My menopausal body quivers when I see him wink. 😍

Yes one of my husband's best friends (now about 65) is like this. Lovely guy, loads of friends, comfortably off but just doesn't seem interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. He seems happy so live and let live.

I am outwardly similar in my position towards relationships as the person you are describing in the op. I am greysexual. That is to say, I am essentially in the asexual spectrum(hetero leaning), but there have technically been a handful of people I have been attracted to, and I do desire romance and sex in a general sense. For me, the primary problem is that the qualities I desire in a partner, notably open mindedness, and strong ethical values can not be detected in a reasonable time frame. There are no forums I can think of aside from clubs, where I would talk to anyone in person long enough to develop any kind of interest. The only two clubs I have any remote interest in joining are machining or gaming related, which are both massively male dominated, and neither are pursuits I would undertake just for the remote chance of discovering someone. Asking out what amounts to 'random female strangers' to ascertain if I liked them in any way has never been a palatable option for me. I was very physically attractive as a young man, but every time a girl walked up to me with those wide eyes, I found the whole affair to be truly repulsive. Drooling over someone's appearance appears to me extremely shallow, primitive, and objectifying. The online space has always held some remote promise however. It possesses benefits such as weeding out some of the objectifying stuff I dislike, and filtering through people based on different criteria from the comfort of home over a functionally long enough period of time, but it comes with its own set of challenges as well. Ultimately I have not been successful in dating, and I don't expect that to ever change.

In 22 years I've had one significant relationship that lasted about 3 years.. meh.. if it happens, it happens - if not I'll remain happily single