husband disconnected landline

[maratara]

I have just had a big argument with with my husband. Asked him to leave for the night ( its about9pm here). Couldn't find my mobile so grabbed the landline to ring it and he has disconnected it. Pulled it out of the wall ( he's an electrician). said he did it because I'm psychotic as I was going to ring the police to have him removed from my house. His parents aren't far away and can fit him in easily ( 5 bedder home ).That was what I wanted him to do. Go to them.I need some some space.
Suxh a stupid argument - he called me an anologue person in a digital world. Haha no probs
Disconnecting my phone is a step too far IMO. Fecking hell
I must have been awful in a previous life because this one is shit.
No idea why I'm posting, You guys are all asleeo anyway

My house owned outright. Been together 15 years.
I'm sorry but it is no longer your house now, which changes any advice that might be given. You can only get him out by asking nicely (he refused), the police (if they find violence), or court order (divorce is easiest way rather than non-mol order).

Based on your updates I think it's time for counselling. It doesn't have to be about your marriage, or even about him, but you need some just to make you a stronger more independent person. Just for you as you are worth more than this.

Nothing really

@Deathbyfluffy

Everyone is jumping to conclusions faster than a very fast thing with bells on - as per usual

One person did. Everyone else is telling OP to leave her abuser for the sake of herself and her son.

Hyperbole on MN is represented in your post, but not the rest of the thread, ironically.

He is is great around the house - a real handyman. Other than that I do all the gardening ( we live on acreage). I do all the cooking, washing and cleaning. I pay all the bills. I'm a great driver but getting more wary the less I do it. I deal with all the school stuff, organise all the family functions, birthdays, buy all the presents online. I do an online weekly grocery shop and he picks that up, but I could do that.
I can't use his big whippersnipper, but my son bought me a littler one that I can use.
I'm great on the ride on mower.
I'm struggling to think now you ask!!!

He's isolating you. You know that, don't you? He's preying on your trauma. You would be a lot less affected by your past trauma if you weren't in an abusive relationship.

This is abusive preventing you from being able to seek help at the very least. Please seek support to get him out.

So he premidetitavely disconnected the landline, called you psychotic (gaslighting, because you're probably not psychotic), and refused to leave the house to give you space so doesn't respect your boundaries.

Not all abuse is violence OP.

And not all men who haven't been violent stay non-violent either.

Bottom line of it is this man doesn't respect you. He's a grown man, he could go to his parents or if he doesn't want them to know you've been arguing he can book a hotel. He's done neither.

I don't know what you're looking for with this thread but if at the very least he's disrespectful of you, your home, your boundaries and not making a scene in front of your son who is now extremely emotional and you don't think that's grounds to kick this loser of a man to the curb then I don't know what to tell you.

Nah, It was over 20 years ago. It's embarrassing to even mention it. ( My first husband was hit by a car and became a brain damaged quadraplegic). My older children are over it, ( they were VERY young). My youngest DS is with my new partner ( new as in 15 years). Time I moved on . Totally pathetic. He couldn't isolate me if I didn't let him. I actually think he likes looking after me. If I am ever unwell, he sends me to bed and brings me medicine. SHould have been a doctor. In his element then, I should shut up now. Thanks to all for listening to my ravings.

Also abusers have their nice parts, which is what makes people keep them around and second guess the abuse!

It takes women on average something like 9 attempts to leave before they're successful.

So he's actually not really doing anything. Except making you unhappy and creating fear and stress. Which will exacerbate your original trauma.

It's time to start rebuilding your inner strength (with therapy), then you can visualise being single and how lovely and safe you feel, how free. Then start on planning how you will achieve it.

EDIT - You keep mentioning him as your husband but your last post says partner. Which is it?

I can't visualise that at all. I am very reliant on him. For example the dog got out today and will only come back for him. I can't do that. I don't know how to fix the pool or the electric fences. It sounds silly but we've had cows charge down our street and across our lawn, it's a wee bit scary sometimes out of suburbia.
One thing I don't rely on him for money as he has none, so there's that.

We are engaged, not married but it makes no difference in Australia as you are considered "de facto" after living together for more than 2 years. In other words you are considered married for all legal matters.

You have absolutely no right to use police resources to have him removed because you’re angry.

You are a problem.

Um. I didn't. And never suggested it.

NIght all I think it;s getting a bit late for some.

I’m not saying he’s right about you being psychotic but you do sound very wound up and reactive, as does he, that sort of environment is never going to be calm even if you are codependent. If you want a more peaceful life, you’ll need to start planning.

Yes you did. You said you could call to have him removed. Why?

For who? It's lunchtime in the UK and when you said in your OP "No idea why I'm posting, You guys are all asleeo anyway", it was 10am here.

Not sure what time it is in Aus but it sounds like you need to sleep.

I hope things will look better in the morning.

@maratara Most people don't know how to fix the pool or the electric fences.

You are placing barriers in your own path because you haven't got the strength to say 'I'm leaving you'.

You can either stay with him, at yours and your son's expense, both financially and emotionally (and this will last far longer for your son), or you can look into getting support to leave. You have access to the internet, so you have a world of resources at your fingertips. Use them, or don't.

Good luck to you and your boy.

They're married...

They're not...

@Watchkeys doesn’t make a difference in their country’s laws.

Pulling landline wires out of the wall is scary. If you had a had a daughter who told you their partner had done that, what would you advise her?

Landlines are being phased out. Has he just had it replaced (about to replace) with a router based phone and was winding you up? If it's his bill he may have gone ahead with it without saying anything and chose his moment for most impact.

Just reread OP and it reads like it was done in anger? To me anyway (although my interpretation could be coloured by personal experience).

I didn't realise that so thank you for clarifying.

I don’t know how to mend most things either but I do know how to use a phone and the Internet to look up handymen or builders. If he left would he take the dog anyway? Otherwise it's just training, with lots of yummy rewards etc.

I was born a country girl so I do understand about the cows but you just get inside your house to be safe and use that phone to call the farmer.

You are more self sufficient than you realise. You are just scared. And that's understandable but surely you must realise this can't go on. What would you do if he left or went into hospital? Would you insist the authorities take your child away or would you actually be able to cope day to day?

I hope you come back tomorrow OP