Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitations

50 replies

Fluffpuff · 19/11/2023 08:38

My sister didn’t invite my 2 grown up daughters and my son to her wedding as she told me it was only siblings + partners and children + partners invited. I’ve since found out she has invited 4 friends. I’m devastated she chose to invite friends over family especially as she has been involved with my children since they were born. I am
more hurt by the lack of transparency and if I hadn’t found out I would have turned up at
the registry office completely unaware that these friends were prioritised over my children.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 19/11/2023 08:41

It’s her wedding. I assume there is a numbers restriction and she probably sees her close friends more than her nieces and nephews hence wanting to invite them

i really don’t see why you are ‘devastated’

Himawarigirl · 19/11/2023 08:42

It sounds like a very small wedding and doesn’t seem unreasonable to me that she would want friends there as well, who can be as close as your family and important in your life as well. Your children may be important to her but I can imagine only wanting my siblings and close friends if I had a super small guest list and then celebrating with my nieces and nephew at another time.

HarrietStyles · 19/11/2023 08:45

Of course she wants her 4 closest friends there. Sounds like she is having a very small and intimate wedding. I would want my few closest friends there over nieces/nephews too if I had a very small invitation list.

Firstmincepie · 19/11/2023 08:46

I think you’re being unreasonable. Sometimes friends are like family. I have two very close friends and if I wanted a very small wedding with restricted numbers then I’d invite them over my two nephews, who I love btw! So many people have tiny weddings now and I don’t blame them. The costs spiral it’s a bit mad really unless you have money to burn.

Pizzalover46 · 19/11/2023 08:48

I can see why you're upset but it is up to them who they invite. Is there a do afterwards where your children and other are invited?

sollenwir · 19/11/2023 08:49

This sounds like a bit of an overreaction from you, if I'm totally honest. Disappointment is perhaps more reasonable, but it's her (and her partner's) wedding and completely understandable she'll invite those she's closest too - unfortunately that seems not to be your children.

HermioneWeasley · 19/11/2023 08:53

Devastated because she’s chosen to have her closest friends at her wedding?

that seems a tad over dramatic

I love my nieces and nephews but have a very different relationship with them over my friends.

Rocknrollstar · 19/11/2023 08:55

DS and DiL prioritised friends over family. They were the people they saw regularly - and still see. The days where all members of a family were invited to a wedding have gone. They are an expensive occasion and people want the people they love, and have a relationship with, to be there. When my DS got married many moons ago she didn’t know most of the people there!

NorthernSpirit · 19/11/2023 08:55

Her wedding, she (and her future husband) get to decide who they are inviting.

I can totally understand why they would invite 4 friends over your 3 grown up children.

You come across as entitled. It’s hardly a ‘devastating’ situation.

LadyMacB · 19/11/2023 08:55

Sorry, I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s a very small wedding from the sound of it. She’s invited four friends, who I assume are the friends she’s closest to. It’s hardly like she’s invited every Tom, Dick or Harry, except for your kids.

ZekeZeke · 19/11/2023 08:56

Devastated is a bit of an over reaction.
I adore my nieces and nephews but would choose my closest friends to join in on my wedding over them!

It's not your wedding!

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/11/2023 08:58

It sounds like the wedding hadn’t happened yet? If you’re going to be devastated then please don’t go and ruin her day with a miserable face on.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 19/11/2023 09:01

You're being ridiculous. It's her wedding, it sounds very small. There's probably a strict limit on numbers. She's allowed to invite whoever she likes.

If she invited your 3 kids she would only be able to invite one friend! And that's assuming no one else has DC that she would 'have' to invite if she invited yours.

As for you would have turned up with no idea her friends were invited - so what? I really can't see the issue. Of course she's prioritised inviting her best friends, why wouldn't she?! What would you have done if you'd walked in unaware, why would that have been a problem - would you have made a scene?

I also really don't understand this determination people have to take offence on behalf of other people. Do your DC even care? I'd imagine lots of young adults wouldn't be remotely bothered that their aunt is having a very small wedding and inviting only friends and siblings.

The only time you get to decide who is invited to a wedding is when it's you getting married.

SoRainbowRhythms · 19/11/2023 09:03

YABU and over dramatic. It's her day , not yours and your childrens.

tokesqueen · 19/11/2023 09:04

I'd rather have my friends too.
I'm closer to them.
Maybe she is too.

KatBurglar · 19/11/2023 09:05

If you’re normally such a drama llama, you’re lucky she invited you at all.

’Devastated’, ffs.

Hobbesmanc · 19/11/2023 09:17

I love my nephews and nieces dearly. But my relationship through them is in reality defined by my relationships with my siblings. I can't really imagine going for a weekend away or even a night out alone with them.

Whereas I'm very close to my friendship group. They're the people I'd want to spend my wedding day if numbers are limited. And I imagine my nieces and nephews would totally understand. Back down and don't make this an issue.

Canisaysomething · 19/11/2023 09:23

Stop being so entitled, weddings are one single day where you need to put your own feelings aside and just be happy for the bride and groom.

wokbun · 19/11/2023 09:25

You're being ridiculous. The day is about her not your daughters. Of course she wants her mates there. Are you jealous or something?

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 19/11/2023 09:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Nevermind31 · 19/11/2023 09:29

Who is there for her when she needs support? Your adult children, or her friends???

Justmuddlingalong · 19/11/2023 09:33

Are your DC devastated? Or are they maturely accepting of the B&G's wishes, since you appear to be be devastated enough for the 4 of you?

Planesmistakenforstars · 19/11/2023 09:33

I would have turned up at the registry office completely unaware that these friends were prioritised over my children.

Oh no! What on earth would you have done?! Have you told her that you were "devastated"??

Mrsjayy · 19/11/2023 09:34

you are not devestaded you are insulted and annoyed that your children are not a priority, sounds like a small wedding and she'd rather have her friends there which is fair.

wokbun · 19/11/2023 09:35

Planesmistakenforstars · 19/11/2023 09:33

I would have turned up at the registry office completely unaware that these friends were prioritised over my children.

Oh no! What on earth would you have done?! Have you told her that you were "devastated"??

Yes maybe you should have told her and not gone and then she could have invited more friends who she probably had to cut so you could go