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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invitations

50 replies

Fluffpuff · 19/11/2023 08:38

My sister didn’t invite my 2 grown up daughters and my son to her wedding as she told me it was only siblings + partners and children + partners invited. I’ve since found out she has invited 4 friends. I’m devastated she chose to invite friends over family especially as she has been involved with my children since they were born. I am
more hurt by the lack of transparency and if I hadn’t found out I would have turned up at
the registry office completely unaware that these friends were prioritised over my children.

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 19/11/2023 09:35

So let me get this straight. She's having a very small wedding and you think she should miss out on having a very few close friends there in order to invite your children? YABVU.

Hbh17 · 19/11/2023 09:35

YABU. For most of us, our friends are the most important people in our lives. Certainly more so than adult nieces & nephews (who probably aren't interested in an "oldie" wedding, anyway).

sadie93 · 19/11/2023 09:37

We are currently planning a wedding and apart from parents and siblings, have prioritised inviting friends first over everyone else. I don't see why that's hard to understand. As an adult, my friends are a much bigger part of my life than my extended family.

Autieangel · 19/11/2023 10:49

Are your children the only adults nieces and nephews and therefore the only ones not invited?

Are they offended to be left out?

It wouldn't bother me that friends were chosen over family as people are sometimes closer to friends. But I can understand you feeling sad your children are left out.

I posted a similar post about a cousin who invited my children but not the adult children I was worried the adult children would be offended but they were fine.

SecondUsername4me · 19/11/2023 10:51

She wants her siblings there, her children there and her friends there. Given that it's her wedding I'd say that's entirely reasonable.

It's typical, surely, to be closer to your close friends and siblings than to your adult neices and nephews.

DuploTrain · 19/11/2023 10:54

SecondUsername4me · 19/11/2023 10:51

She wants her siblings there, her children there and her friends there. Given that it's her wedding I'd say that's entirely reasonable.

It's typical, surely, to be closer to your close friends and siblings than to your adult neices and nephews.

Absolutely agree. When thinking who are the closest people to me, my nieces and nephews definitely don’t spring to mind above my closest friends.

Trying not to be part of a pile on.. but you probably need to get over your hurt feelings, realise she’s been entirely reasonable. And then stop looking at this thread before the responses get more unpleasant.

NorthernAttitude · 19/11/2023 11:01

If your adult children are celebrating something special, do they want to be with their best friends or their aunt? My "children" would definitely want to be with the people who mean most and that's immediate family and closest friends. That's the way life should be.

Grumpsy · 19/11/2023 12:36

completely and utterly unreasonable on your part I’m afraid

BiggletonUnited · 19/11/2023 12:43

It is a small wedding and she has had to make a decision which sounds like it is a fair one. She is closer to her friends than nieces and nephew.

If your reaction is to flounce then maybe you shouldn't go and she can have someone there who cares about her rather than being ' devastated ' about this.

Concannon88 · 19/11/2023 12:59

My friend gave birth to her second stillborn daughter this week, she is devastated. You are upset. It's her wedding, she gets to choose who she wants there. Your children dont mean as much to her as they do you, shocker.

jemenfous37 · 19/11/2023 13:04

Refer yourself to the 'devastated, fuming and other words' thread!

SM4713 · 19/11/2023 13:07

Are you always this dramatic OP? I assume you have nothing else going on in your life! Devastated- FFS! 🙄

DogInATent · 19/11/2023 13:07

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family.

It's perfectly normal and healthy for grown adults to be closer to their friends than family, particularly once you start to get to extended family. It's not normal/healthy for a grown woman to feel put out because her adult children aren't put first by the rest of the world.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/11/2023 13:14

I doubt your adult children themselves will care at all. For most young people, friends are just as if not more important to them than relatives. If you asked them who they’d prioritise inviting to a small wedding they’d say their closest friends rather than their aunt. It’s not a slight and you’re being daft.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 19/11/2023 13:16

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/11/2023 13:14

I doubt your adult children themselves will care at all. For most young people, friends are just as if not more important to them than relatives. If you asked them who they’d prioritise inviting to a small wedding they’d say their closest friends rather than their aunt. It’s not a slight and you’re being daft.

My adult nieces would have been very upset not to be invited to my wedding.

They would have understood that it was a tiny wedding, but they would have been gutted.

Olika · 19/11/2023 13:17

It's fair she is inviting her closest friends. Over reaction from your part.

MrsPerfect12 · 19/11/2023 13:19

I would invite my closest friends over nieces and nephews, your children are only "that" important to you.

Mamato29192 · 19/11/2023 13:21

Yabu

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/11/2023 13:22

Four Friends?

Its not like she's got 80 guests and 50% are friends rather than relatives.

Sorry OP YABVV U

Please don't upset her by being so offended about something so silly when she's having such a small wedding.

Why not invite her and new DH to a family meal with all your DC and hers - to celebrate?. That would probably please both her and your DC.

StockpotSoup · 19/11/2023 13:51

YABU. It’s not like she’s “excluded” your children from some huge affair. Four friends could equal her two closest friends plus partners - she might have had to leave other close friends off the list too. Give her a break and let her have her happy day.

Younghearts · 19/11/2023 14:01

I had a smaller wedding and I chose some close friends over family members. Personally invited people I speak too more and are more involved with myself and DH than inviting aunts, uncles, family members we don’t see as much.

I can understand your point, does your sister see your children much? I think it’s one of them “it’s their wedding they can do what they want” thing x

Fiftyvines · 19/11/2023 14:14

YABVU. Your sister doesn't owe you transparency over her wedding guest list. Her wedding, she get to invite who she wants. Grow up.

Womencanlift · 19/11/2023 14:16

You are not only being unreasonable but you are being ridiculous. Just because you are related doesn’t mean you are automatically entitled to be invited. Their friends are likely closer to them day to day

Regardless it’s their wedding and they. An invite who they want. When my sibling was getting married and due to family drama they were worried about the invite list, I said to them make sure you invite who you want and not who you think you need to invite. It’s their day, nobody else’s

PinkRoses1245 · 19/11/2023 14:20

You’re being ridiculous. Her wedding, her choice. It’s totally fine her friends are more important to her than your kids.

toastofthetown · 19/11/2023 14:29

You've not mentioned how your children feel about it, nor how close they are now your children are adults. I wasn't invited to my uncle's wedding last year as it was a small wedding. His siblings and partners were invited, and I assume close friends were though I didn't ask. I totally understood why I wasn't invited and wasn't at all upset by it.

I love my aunts and uncles and we have a great time when we're all together, but I only see them at family events and I'm sure they have many friends who they are closer to than me. If your sister had a close personal relationship with your children then surely she would want them there. If she and your children have no relationship outside of updates on life events, family gatherings and a WhatsApp group chat, then I'm sure she has friends who are much closer to her than your children.

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