Compassionate leave - how long?

[KindaDefinitelyMaybe]

My DM died on Wednesday. It's been a very very tough six months with me juggling travelling up there every week or two weeks (staying longer toward the end) with a very demanding job and a young family at home. It's also been quite traumatic toward the end and I feel emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. I have a week of annual leave remaining which I'm going to take next week but that will be swallowed up with travelling back home to clear the house and sort funeral etc...Then the following week is the funeral and that will be two nights up at home due to the travel distance. I have quite a senior role and certainly don't think work will actively encourage me to take the amount of time that I feel I need in order to recover from this. Would I be unreasonable to get signed off for two weeks in order to give me one clear week to just 'be' and not have to arrange or organise or sort anything?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Most companies aren't very generous with compassionate leave. I absolutely would get signed off sick with stress, which I expect is probably a pretty accurate description of how you feel right now. Remember you can self certify for 5 days.

Get signed off if you can, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry.

I had 2 weeks of compassionate leave when my mum died - I think it would be totally reasonable for you to ask for that. Are you certain it’s not buried in a policy document somewhere?

Get signed off. I had to after my DF passed away. I phoned in sick the day after my fathers funeral as I was so upset and in no state to work. They were complete and utter pricks about it. So I went to the doctor and got a paper for 2 weeks.

I got 5 days for my parents and went back to work between their death and their funerals. Which was actually ok and kept me occupied.
I lived about 250 miles away from them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

And they had to cheek to comment about 'how much time have you already had off?!?!' 2 weeks between him passing away and the funeral. I was asking for 1 extra day. So got signed off for 2 weeks. Fully paid. Twats.

Sorry for your loss. It's terrible that there is no statutory bereavement leave, my partner lost him mum dad and brother was was allowed one day off.

Sorry for your loss and all the stress surrounding it. I work in the NHS and it's not unusual for people to be signed off for a month after the death of a parent. GP won't bat an eyelid if you ask. Take the time you need and you'll return to work on better form when you're ready.

My NHS trust that I work for is one week compassionate leave in a 12 month period. Definitely take the time you need and get signed off by the GP. The first week you can self certify.
it sounds like it’s been an awful time for you all and time off now is going to help you.

Sorry for your loss, its such a hard time. If you feel you can't work, yes I'd def get a sick note for an extra week, if not longer. Depending on size of house and how much help you have, clearing a house in itself can take ages!

Caring and bereavement takes a toll and yanbu to need recovery time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Get signed off sick.

People only have two parents; this is a twice in a lifetime thing.

If you don't take the time you need just now you may end up burnt out and really struggling.

Take the time xx

We have five days compassionate leave in our policy (public sector) which is limited to a close relative (spouse, parent, child). Some people do get signed off sick by their GP for longer, however, with stress and that is acceptable.

Take what you need - your GP will support you I’m sure.

I am sorry for your loss.
Go and see your doctor, get signed off and go back to the doctor before you go back to work.
You need time for you.

I was given 2 days of compassionate leave when my father died. I took 2 weeks off as sick leave. You need the time to sort everything practical out and then more to sort yourself out (or at least begin to!)

I took work calls the day my mother died and the day of her funeral. This company made me redundant. In the nicest possible way - think about you and focus them.

I didn't mean focus, obviously.

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐 Please, keep your leave and get signed off for 3 weeks. I got 7 working days compassionate so had to go back between my mothers death and her funeral. Like you, I’d had a long traumatic build up to her passing and am also in a senior role so worked up to the day.

I wasn’t in the best place when I went back but powered through, and it was so tough - you pretend you’re ok for 8 hours a day so it’s hard for your family to see you crashing every evening.

infuriatingly everyone, including our exec told me afterwards they couldn’t believe they couldn’t believe I’d only taken the 7 days as they would have signed themselves off 🙄 you’ll get no thanks for going back, and if you’re ever deserving of sick leave…it’s now.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

It's normal for people to get signed off in these circumstances because few employers provide appropriate compassionate leave. Don't feel guilty about it and don't push yourself to work when you're not ready or not well enough.

I'm so sorry. Take whatever you can. You need it.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I imagine every company is different - my work (school) is 5 days for parent/spouse/child. Anything beyond that would be sick leave and I think you would not be unreasonable to take this option 💐
It is stressful balancing caring for a dying parent with a young family.

I took 6 weeks plus two weeks annual leave.

We get 5 days compassionate leave for immediate family.

When my mum died I was off for 6 weeks total, I was 21 at the time and had 3 younger brothers, a terminally ill dad and a family business to look after.

When dad died I had. 4 weeks.

Take whatever you need, your GP will support you.

Hugs 🌺 I had 4 weeks sick leave, it was 2 notes for 2 weeks. I could not even get to drs, could not get out of bed. A family member had to go to drs and receptionist emailed dr. Then a drs note was with reception to collect.

Don’t use your AL. Phone in sick for now, you can self cert for 5 days. Before the 5 days are up get a fit note from the doctors.

On a practical level you fill need until at least the funeral.

Thank you all so much. I genuinely thought I was going to get flamed! It's worth mentioning that I have really tried to minimise the impact on my job to my own detriment - travelling up to see my Mum at 5am in order to be at her house working at 8.30am. Work til lunch, go and see her in hospital for a few hours, back to work until 6pm then drive home so that I lessen the burden on my DH. Really putting everyone else's needs before my own. I feel like I can physically work because I'm not 'ill' but also, I had a friend take three months of work with a mental breakdown because she soldiered on after her father's death until she literally could not function any more. I'd like to stabilise my own well being before I get to a similar point!