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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To walk dark, lonely-ish road to multi-storey carpark at 4am, with toddler?

123 replies

QS90 · 18/11/2023 03:02

Have been at hospital with toddler for 10 hours, he's likely to be discharged in next few hours. No sodding car park at hospital, so have had to park a third of a mile away, at creepy multi-storey down dark alley. Would be loathe to go alone, let alone with toddler. However do need to get home.

Partner has offered to meet me at hospital, however he's looking after our baby. Car seat is in my car - he doesn't drive. He could get an Uber, but would have to take our youngest without a car seat. Mainly 20mph roads, but into town with associated Friday night drunks.

Aibu to risk the walk alone? Or is baby without car seat more unsafe? Which is the least bad?

OP posts:
Mamato29192 · 18/11/2023 09:39

Dibbydoos · 18/11/2023 06:33

Her DH has the baby with him, how's he going to get the car seat without travelling with baby without a car seat?🙄

You don't have to use a car seat in a taxi

legosnowqueen · 18/11/2023 09:41

A &E routinely send people home in the early hours, my DS was discharged at 3am a few weeks ago. Hope you're home safely OP.

user1477391263 · 18/11/2023 09:55

Can you not book car seat taxis in the UK?

LemonTT · 18/11/2023 10:07

The faith in the relative safety of Uber vs a short walk is probably misplaced on this thread.

Ellmau · 18/11/2023 10:10

I hope you're home safe now and toddler is OK.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 18/11/2023 10:14

Bigbabymomma · 18/11/2023 04:46

I would say anyone would be mad to walk at that time of the night to a sketchy multi storey none the less 🤨 Also your toddler was in hospital for a reason and a 3/4 mile walk in the cold probably isn't wise. Taxi home, figure the rest out later.

I totally agree with this.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 18/11/2023 10:16

pictoosh · 18/11/2023 06:51

A third of a mile...fgs just walk. There aren't 'vagrants' waiting to attack you.

You can't possibly know that. Neither does she.

So her self preservation is kicking in. FGS.

QS90 · 18/11/2023 15:37

AngelAurora · 18/11/2023 05:10

My hospital would not either. This does not sound genuine at all.

It was a&e. They kept saying "just another hour, then we'll be able to discharge you". In the end he wasn't discharged until 3pm, so it was a moot point.

OP posts:
ValuableLimeLesson · 18/11/2023 15:58

PronounsBaby · 18/11/2023 03:31

Surely the hospital won't discharge you until the morning?! The hospital I worked in certainly wouldn't discharge anyone in the middle of the night

My toddler was discharged at 01:30 this morning from paediatrics - I think they need the space too much to be able to be considerate!

QS90 · 18/11/2023 16:18

Wow, so many replies thank-you.

To those of you saying the walk wouldn't be dangerous, you can't possibly know, any more than you can know whether there will be a car accident on a 20mph road. In my teens and twenties I used to take a lot of risks walking places alone, but what on earth would I do if some psycho decided to start, and I couldn't protect my toddler from them? I was always taught lonely places are the most dangerous - fewer people yes, but it's just them and you... I did once have a guy come up and start ranting at me when I had a baby in arms (he was mentally unwell, with a dog). This in the daytime after Bounce and Rhyme. It was the worst feeling - I couldn't get the baby in the car, safe, quickly enough if he started getting physical. I couldn't outrun him, and certainly not the dog. I wouldn't have been able to get my baby away from him or the dog. The only saving grace was that I could see other parents in their cars, babies safely stowed, waiting to see if I needed help. Luckily the situation diffused itself.

The hospital kept messing up the medication (actually I was at a GPs and two separate hospitals over the course of last night and this morning), so the whole course of steriods / whatever else they ended up giving him wasn't finished until 3pm.

So different, equally horrible dilemma;

  • Wait at the hospital indefinitely, having been up since 6am the previous day, and drive home with toddler after being awake for what would have been 33 hours. Presumably weaving past Christmas shoppers whilst trying desperately not to fall asleep.
  • Discharge the toddler against medical advice, still poorly.
  • Get partner to come to hospital, with baby in Uber and no car seat. Then give me the baby, and stay with the toddler. I could then drive back in my own car, with baby in car seat.

I ended up doing the last one, at 8am. So still 26 hours without sleep, but at least the roads were really quiet.

Toddler much better, although my partner brought him home in a buggy, on the bus, which I'm baffled by as toddler was in hospital with serious cough / wheeze / laboured breathing. Literally the thing that sets him off most is cold air.

I feel horribly guilty about the whole thing, especially the baby having had to travel (albeit legally and on 20pmh roads) without a car seat. Sure I will get flamed for this but it was a real "Sophie's Choice". At least it was light and quiet roads when he did. And I'm generally upset and rattled by the experience too, although I know that's just how it is these days. We're also £120 worse off, as partner couldn't work today, and money very tight atm.

We were offered a bed "so I could sleep", but not until 6am (12.5 hours after the beginning of the whole fiasco), however toddler was wide awake by this time (he'd managed to sleep in his pram), as 6am is his usual waking up time. He was demanding I play games with him, read to him etc - the chance of him sitting quietly whilst I slept were exactly 0.

Very long and whingy post! Tomorrow will be better.

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 18/11/2023 16:30

Thanks for the update OP, I'm glad you got home safely. Fwiw I think you made the right decision and I hope you've got some sleep.

Fwiw I regularly walk round the woods at night (bat surveys) and am very laissez-faire about being out and alone at night but I would not have taken my toddler to collect a car in a multi story at 3am either.

bahhamburgers · 18/11/2023 18:42

Glad you are home safe OP. I hope
you manage to get a good nights sleep tonight and LO is getting better.

I wouldn’t have done that walk with my 3 year old either. I wouldn’t have felt safe at all.

RampantIvy · 18/11/2023 18:47

Glad you are home. It all sounds very stressful. Will there be an opportunity for your partner to learn to drive?

I hope your toddler feels much better very soon Flowers

Shalopea · 19/11/2023 01:06

You’ve had such a difficult time. I hope you all feel better soon.

I agree with PP that this has highlighted what a problem it is that your partner can’t drive. If he’s medically unable then there’s nothing you can do, but if it is possible then I would encourage him to learn as a matter of urgency. You could teach him yourself if money is tight.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 19/11/2023 07:18

Whitegrenache · 18/11/2023 08:33

100% this

100% wrong actually. Clearly a long time since you’ve been to A&E. Ours has patients waiting in ambulances just to get into the A&E corridor and wait on a trolley until space frees up in A&E itself. So when you’re fit to be discharged you are, no matter what the time. Some really out of touch comments on here - why do so many posters seem so keen to challenge the OP as a liar ?

CaramacFiend · 19/11/2023 19:24

Glad you're home safe but you shouldn't really have driven after being up that long as statistically it's more dangerous than driving drunk (drunk people brake late, sleeping people don't brake at all).

KnickerlessParsons · 19/11/2023 19:29

Could, but it's the carpark itself too - stairwells etc. It's had a bit of a rep in the past for vagrants etc.

What are "vagrants etc"?
If you mean homeless people, well they aren't dangerous. They are people with no home to sleep in.
Not sure who/what the etc are, but I'm sure you'll be fine.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 19/11/2023 19:43

PronounsBaby · 18/11/2023 03:31

Surely the hospital won't discharge you until the morning?! The hospital I worked in certainly wouldn't discharge anyone in the middle of the night

Not sure regarding children but it's definitely done for adults at several of our hospitals.

Eybyegum · 19/11/2023 19:56

KnickerlessParsons · 19/11/2023 19:29

Could, but it's the carpark itself too - stairwells etc. It's had a bit of a rep in the past for vagrants etc.

What are "vagrants etc"?
If you mean homeless people, well they aren't dangerous. They are people with no home to sleep in.
Not sure who/what the etc are, but I'm sure you'll be fine.

As someone who grew up knowing most of the homeless people in our town due to my parents work, you cannot say the whole population of homeless people are not dangerous. Or indeed any group in society,particularly men. I always stopped to chat with most of the men when I saw them, but was taught by my parents to be on guard of many who misused drugs or alcohol who could change completely when under the influence, but were always upset by their actions when sober. Many others have mental health conditions making them act out of character at times, and some were just violent without other reasons. So it’s very naive to casually say they are not dangerous.

Anyway it’s a bit late, she’s been home for over 24hrs

enchantedsquirrelwood · 19/11/2023 19:56

LemonTT · 18/11/2023 10:07

The faith in the relative safety of Uber vs a short walk is probably misplaced on this thread.

I totally agree. Ubers are unregulated.

I'd wait until morning light and then walk to my car.

Glad that the OP got home safe, sorry you had such a traumatic time of it.

CaramacFiend · 19/11/2023 20:17

KnickerlessParsons · 19/11/2023 19:29

Could, but it's the carpark itself too - stairwells etc. It's had a bit of a rep in the past for vagrants etc.

What are "vagrants etc"?
If you mean homeless people, well they aren't dangerous. They are people with no home to sleep in.
Not sure who/what the etc are, but I'm sure you'll be fine.

Tbf, most of the homeless people in my area are crack addicts.

Ellmau · 19/11/2023 23:28

I totally agree. Ubers are unregulated.

I thought they had to be licenced as private hire drivers?

lightpineapple · 20/11/2023 14:08

enchantedsquirrelwood · 19/11/2023 19:56

I totally agree. Ubers are unregulated.

I'd wait until morning light and then walk to my car.

Glad that the OP got home safe, sorry you had such a traumatic time of it.

Edited

Eh? https://www.uber.com/gb/en/drive/requirements/

I'd never have 100% confidence in my safety in a private cab situation, but they are regulated.

The fact that it's app based also makes me feel better - your details, your drivers details and the journey/timepoints are all logged.

Again this doesnt prevent something bad happening but I have taken ubers all over the world, at dodgy times etc, and am a very cautious person by nature.

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