To not buy the teachers Christmas gifts?

[Applescruffle]

AIBU to not buy the teachers Cheistmas gifts?
I mean, I know it's not unreasonable but is it the norm to buy them?

I appreciate the teachers very much and they are all absolutely lovely and I could afford to do it but the reality is... I just cba.
I have a million other people to buy for and I can't even think what to buy for half of them never mind another four people (two kids with a teacher and TA each).

Do the teachers even want 30 Christmas gifts from kids?

Is "I can't be bothered with it" a valid reason to not do it?

I must add I do make an effort at the end of the year. I handmake them beautiful gifts and get the kids to write cards and I always include the TA too and often some baked goods for the staffroom.

Ooh actually I could bake them some mince pies for the staffroom!

Anyway... AIBU and do you do it?

I always give bottles of wine. Easy to buy, and easy to pass on if not wanted.

Although when DD left her primary, I donated some books to the attached autism unit she attended, as that felt useful, and I just couldn't do anything that would show my true gratitude to them.

All the teachers at my primary school and my children's give a little card and present to each child - usually something like a little chocolate and a pencil.

I'd be very happy to receive something like that as I don't want people to spend money on things I don't need. It is nice to be acknowledged though as we are a little extended family each year and there aren't many people who spend as much time thinking about your children as we do. Love a thoughtful card/message from a child or parent too.

At my DC's school there are always class collections but I've never had one of those!

Definitely YANBU. If you (understandably) cba but want to make a gesture, just buy them a tin of posh biscuits for the staffroom at the beginning of the last week of term. Always appreciated!

I’m a teacher and my class always do a collection and get me vouchers and a gift, and while I totally appreciate it and am very grateful, I always worry that some parents might feel pressured to contribute or give more than they can afford. We are in an affluent area so most can afford it but there are always a few families in each class who I know are struggling and I just really hope that they don’t feel obliged or embarrassed if they can’t contribute. I would be happy to just receive a card.

Wow my post last night touched a nerve - @PlacidPenelope @EstEstEst firstly, I work at a fee paying independent school so the kids have the money. Secondly I've never received 300 quid at once, the most we are talking is 50-75. It works out as small change per kid. My point is, that's better than 20 Yankee candles - both cheaper for each child, and I'd rather have the baby car seat than 20 Yankee candles or bottles of wine.

@PlacidPenelope you seem particularly angry, something like 6 comments in one page of this thread. You don't have to feel guilty or defensive for not buying gifts. You don't have to hate teachers just because other parents want to buy them gifts. Just calm down, everyone can do their own thing and it's fine.

I think people missed the key point in the op - she specifically says she CAN afford a gift for her dc's teacher but cba, in her own words - because it's bothersome to go and select an appropriate one (wine? Chocolate? Etc). A few quid going towards a voucher expresses the same sentiment but doesn't have that bother.

The idea I should "reciprocate" by buying my students' parents car seats in return... is bonkers.

There is one teacher and 15-20 kids in the class. They can cobble together a few quid each to gift me £75 much more easily than I can gift them £75 each...! If your maths/critical reasoning is this poor, no wonder you resent teachers...!

If you can’t afford to give the teacher a gift, then please don’t.
If you can, then perhaps join together with other parents and get a voucher or something like that. Most teachers I know go above and beyond for children they teach.

It is your grabby attitude that touched a nerve.

I work at a fee paying independent school so the kids have the money. Secondly I've never received 300 quid at once, the most we are talking is 50-75. It works out as small change per kid. My point is, that's better than 20 Yankee candles - both cheaper for each child, and I'd rather have the baby car seat than 20 Yankee candles or bottles of wine.

No the kids don't have the money their parents do, who else should the parents reward with gifts on behalf of their children just for doing the job they are paid to do?

I bet you would rather have a baby car seat on the back of other people, I mean why pay for it yourself if you can con others into doing so.

you seem particularly angry, something like 6 comments in one page of this thread. You don't have to feel guilty or defensive for not buying gifts. You don't have to hate teachers just because other parents want to buy them gifts. Just calm down, everyone can do their own thing and it's fine.

Not angry just find your attitude appalling as do the teachers within my extended family. I feel neither guilty nor defensive, buying Christmas presents for teachers was never done during my time at school or my children's time teachers did not have your entitled attitude. I don't hate teachers, the ones I know think your attitude sucks.

I think people missed the key point in the op - she specifically says she CAN afford a gift for her dc's teacher but cba, in her own words - because it's bothersome to go and select an appropriate one (wine? Chocolate? Etc). A few quid going towards a voucher expresses the same sentiment but doesn't have that bother.

Why should she? You are contradicting yourself since previously you said everyone can do their own thing and don't have to buy gifts or contribute, but now backtracking.

There is one teacher and 15-20 kids in the class. They can cobble together a few quid each to gift me £75 much more easily than I can gift them £75 each...! If your maths/critical reasoning is this poor, no wonder you resent teachers...!

Again, why should they cobble together a few quid to gift you £75? You don't need it you just want it and think you somehow deserve it for doing the job you are paid to do.

Greed and entitlement are not good character traits.

You are right to worry that parents feel pressured, they do. There is a sense of obligation and no doubt some would be embarrassed if they did not join in which is why this 'tradition' should be stopped. If you are happy to just receive a card why not say this? Why not stop the collection? Or ask they donate to items needed for the school so everyone benefits?

A pp upthread said she was using her husband's bonus to buy pens and glue sticks for the children in her class that would be a far better use of money spent by parents on gifts for teachers.

Here's the thing. I like gifts - who doesn't - but in secondary school in the type of schools I work in, they're a massive rarity and usually given by popularity. So a colleague who is popular may be given 5 gifts, but many others will receive nothing, and that does create a divide, especially if said colleague is mainly popular due to undermining everyone else.

I have been given a few presents in my time. My favourite was a hand-knitted soft toy when I went on maternity leave, and a £1 light up penguin to decorate my classroom for Christmas. But the things I remember more than anything are the cards, especially when they are thoughtful and unexpected.

I treasure the hastily-scribbled note on a ripped out piece of paper from a Y7 student when he found out I was leaving school on my last day. And the thank you card from a student with massive behavioural issues in my form group saying thanks for sticking with her. And the bad Science pun joke one from my sixth-formers last year.

I don't expect anything, because it's rare. Perhaps it isn't for some of the PPs and then it does become a nice, expected bonus, but for many of us it doesn't happen. So, OP, send an email or a card with a genuine thank you. We're torn down every day and it's nice to hear words of appreciation, and it does more for us than a bottle of wine, because it usually lasts much longer.

I don't ask or demand gifts. My own students' parents give me them freely without being asked. Yes, I also get cards with long kind comments about how they appreciate my work.

I have no idea why you'd be so incensed at me describing the useful things I've spent my gift vouchers on.

I'm not going to blow my own trumpet about how much I do for my students. I don't need to convince you (or your family members...!) It's enough that they seem to really appreciate it and keep writing to me years later etc.

You are being really quite rude with your spitting hyperbolic denunciation of "my attitude". Not sure what you're trying to achieve here really.

A pp upthread said she was using her husband's bonus to buy pens and glue sticks for the children in her class that would be a far better use of money spent by parents on gifts for teachers.

Teachers should supplement the schools' lack of basic funding from their own pockets?!

Now you really are exposing that you see us as servants without our own lives.

A thoughtful message in a nice card is the best gift, I keep all of mine. Surely you could see your way clear to organising that?

Are you struggling with reading comprehension? I said the money parents spend on gifts for teachers would be better spent on items for the school so the teachers don't have to fund them as per the pp. Dear oh dear and you posted this : If your maths/critical reasoning is this poor, no wonder you resent teachers...!

Reading comprehension is a very good skill to have you should learn it some time.

You are being really quite rude with your spitting hyperbolic denunciation of "my attitude".

You are the one who has chosen to show your attitude therefore opening it up to criticism and disagreement. If I am rude you are equally as rude.

My goodness @PlacidPenelope , I'm not going to keep justifying myself to you. Your level of vitriol is just baffling, this is a relatively trivial topic and I can't understand why it's got you so raging. Presumably you are placid about other things. We clearly see this issue differently and that's fine, it takes all types to make a world.

Nope, I never gave the kids' teachers gifts, they got cards that my children made & wrote in.

I was a poor person living in a predominantly wealthy area where sucking up to the teacher & competing to offer up the most lavish gift was actively encouraged.

Absolutely cringeworthy to witness.

Im a teacher. We 100% dont expect christmas gifts!!

Good, but as you can see on here some unfortunately do and are promoting collections for vouchers they can spend on themselves as the best option and yet cannot seem to fathom how grabby and entitled they appear.

Teachers should actively discourage the gift giving, so many on here have said they love the cards and notes and that is what they treasure long after the pupil has left school so no need for a gift at all. Headteachers should also step in and stop the gift giving.

Unless the schools put a stop to it or say they can go in the raffle for the Christmas fair then the expectation is still there. Parents will still be seeing the teachers and tas and pickup/drop off so its embarrassing if they don't buy.
In corporate roles there is often a ban on gifts due to company policies on bribery or they have to be given to a raffle so from my experience it is only teachers where Xmas gifts are expected and this thread confirms they are happening even with child poverty so high and food banks being used.
It would be unusual in most jobs to get Christmas gifts let alone at the volume teachers get them. I admit I am struggling this year as the teachers are part time, then there are tas too and nursery staff. I would prefer to buy the tas and nursery staff who are underpaid. Then the donations to the Christmas fair each week. I think end of the year is OK but Christmas is a harder time when you have all the other gifts, Xmas food and heating to worry about

Or chocolates...please think of the teacher's families 😂
My DD is a teacher and gets way more than she can eat 😎

What I don't understand is this: we have to declare any gift over a £10 value in my trust as well as any alcohol (in case a kid stole it from their parents, which has happened before), and it may well be decided that we cannot keep anything of value. So how are there teachers out there who get large vouchers or expensive gifts?

We tend to just all club together and get them a nice bouquet, some artisan chocolates and a gift card. Feel this is better than 30 candles or best teacher mugs.

I haven't read all the responses but I was thinking this year of making donation to childrens charity on behalf of the schools instead. Any teachers here tell me if this sounds like a terrible idea?

So instead of buying 6 lots of biscuits/chocolates or some other rubbish, 20pound donation from nursery and 20 pound donations from school.

I think a card with a nice message in about how much your child loves them/you appreciate their care for your child etc is perfectly fine and will be appreciated by the teacher.
A plate of home made mince pies - even better!