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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy the teachers Christmas gifts?

127 replies

Applescruffle · 17/11/2023 19:40

AIBU to not buy the teachers Cheistmas gifts?
I mean, I know it's not unreasonable but is it the norm to buy them?

I appreciate the teachers very much and they are all absolutely lovely and I could afford to do it but the reality is... I just cba.
I have a million other people to buy for and I can't even think what to buy for half of them never mind another four people (two kids with a teacher and TA each).

Do the teachers even want 30 Christmas gifts from kids?

Is "I can't be bothered with it" a valid reason to not do it?

I must add I do make an effort at the end of the year. I handmake them beautiful gifts and get the kids to write cards and I always include the TA too and often some baked goods for the staffroom.

Ooh actually I could bake them some mince pies for the staffroom!

Anyway... AIBU and do you do it?

OP posts:
wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:11

Gifts are always great in my book :)
I don't mind if parents think it buys them leverage...it tends to mean better presents 😆😆
Thinking about it...I should really send the pupils home with a link to my amazon wish list, save them guessing how best to bribe me

LongLostTeacher · 17/11/2023 22:12

Adding to the chorus. A heartfelt note or message, if you feel inclined, is all that’s required.

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:12

The money spent on gifts for adults who don't need them would be far better spent on gifts for children who will get fuck all for Christmas.

lilsupersparks · 17/11/2023 22:13

I’m a teacher.

My husband is massively anti teacher gifts. I’m ambivalent - i sometimes find the time to pick something up, sometimes I don’t. As a teacher, I would prefer a heartfelt card or email saying thanks. Which is good, because for all the hoo hah over teacher gifts, I’ve rarely received one as a Secondary School teacher.

My husband believes that people shouldn’t get a gift for ‘doing their job’.

He works for a private company. Whenever he stays for work he gets a hotel and dinner. He gets a quarterly bonus. He gets a Christmas gift from his boss. He gets a Christmas party (which he hates) with meal, booze and hotel included.

Meanwhile I’m spending his bonus money on glue sticks and biros because our budget has run out!

Houseplanter · 17/11/2023 22:15

Nope. Totally unnecessary. A card is more than sufficient.

wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:15

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:09

Do you realise how badly you come across in your post, especially this bit?:

I have been given such generous gift vouchers from my form groups over the years, I bought dd's baby car seat with them and other big ticket items. But thinking about it, it'll have been about a fiver per kid.

On top of the wages you get paid for doing your job you expect to receive enough money from parents to purchase a baby car seat?

When and why did all this gift giving to teachers at Christmas and end of year start, it was never done when I was at school nor when my children were a simple card was all that was given if that.

I think it high time that Head Teachers stop this nonsense, no gifts for teachers just cards.

It all begs the question if the teachers expect to receive gifts from their pupils why are they not reciprocating?

Show quote history

I do reciprocate. I buy a book for each child I teach. And as a staff we buy the struggling families presents each year too.

Why is it nonsense to want to buy someone a gift to say thank you? Nobody forces you to, its just a nice thing to do...you know...because its Christmas?

wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:17

LongLostTeacher · 17/11/2023 22:12

Adding to the chorus. A heartfelt note or message, if you feel inclined, is all that’s required.

Nope.
Wine please
Or chocolate
I'm not a martyr, children can be awful and having a stash of chocolate for the days I get hit, spat at or furniture thrown at me really helps.

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:17

lilsupersparks · 17/11/2023 22:13

I’m a teacher.

My husband is massively anti teacher gifts. I’m ambivalent - i sometimes find the time to pick something up, sometimes I don’t. As a teacher, I would prefer a heartfelt card or email saying thanks. Which is good, because for all the hoo hah over teacher gifts, I’ve rarely received one as a Secondary School teacher.

My husband believes that people shouldn’t get a gift for ‘doing their job’.

He works for a private company. Whenever he stays for work he gets a hotel and dinner. He gets a quarterly bonus. He gets a Christmas gift from his boss. He gets a Christmas party (which he hates) with meal, booze and hotel included.

Meanwhile I’m spending his bonus money on glue sticks and biros because our budget has run out!

Your comparison with what your husband gets in a private company does not work, he is not expecting his clients parents to fork out is he?

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:18

Why is it nonsense to want to buy someone a gift to say thank you? Nobody forces you to, its just a nice thing to do...you know...because its Christmas?

Why do you expect it?

Houseplanter · 17/11/2023 22:19

@wafflingworrier you really need to think about whether you're in the right job.

Cheap candles or bottles of alcohol at Christmas surely shouldn't be what you need to feel motivated.

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:19

I do reciprocate. I buy a book for each child I teach. And as a staff we buy the struggling families presents each year too.

Like a baby car seat? Or a large sum of money in a Gift Voucher?

wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:20

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:18

Why is it nonsense to want to buy someone a gift to say thank you? Nobody forces you to, its just a nice thing to do...you know...because its Christmas?

Why do you expect it?

I don't. As I've said.

But it is nice when i do get them and it's OK to say I like getting presents at Christmas. Fairly sure that I'm not the only one...🙄

Shivermetimbersmearty · 17/11/2023 22:21

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll.

@overthehill5 YABU for not explaining your aversion for Costa!

have googled it and you have a point, but not because it’s offensive for women who’ve had mastectomies.

their coffee is shit tbf

PlacidPenelope · 17/11/2023 22:22

You rather revelled in the amount of money you got and want the same again ergo the Gift Voucher from the whole class then in the next breath claim to help out struggling families would they be the ones you expect to chip in to your voucher?

spirit20 · 17/11/2023 22:22

I couldn't care less about presents, and when I do get them, just generally leave them on the staff-room table to share (as mostly food/drink). But I really do appreciate the cards with thank you messages.

EstEstEst · 17/11/2023 22:23

Mummymummy89 · 17/11/2023 20:25

Organise a collection with the whole class towards a gift voucher.
Please.
With thanks from teachers everywhere.

I have been given such generous gift vouchers from my form groups over the years, I bought dd's baby car seat with them and other big ticket items. But thinking about it, it'll have been about a fiver per kid.

I've also been given, over the years, fancy candles, macaroons, a couple of nice scarves, lots of bottles of wine etc but my favourite gift is a whole-class gift voucher...!

We do go above and beyond for the kids.

I'll add that I always get presents for dd's nursery teachers. I don't know the other parents well enough to organise a voucher but I get them a hamper of staff room treats instead

You’re joking aren’t you?

One year I was given vouchers as a full class present for a spa (£300) when a new Chair of the PTA started. There was no way I was accepting that as a gift and other teachers didn’t either - we raffled the vouchers to raise money for the local foodbank. Every year after that we did a food collection for them instead of gifts.

overthehill5 · 17/11/2023 22:24

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll.

wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:30

Houseplanter · 17/11/2023 22:19

@wafflingworrier you really need to think about whether you're in the right job.

Cheap candles or bottles of alcohol at Christmas surely shouldn't be what you need to feel motivated.

What can I say...I really, REALLY like cheap candles.

Maybe if the government advertised this massive perk of the job we would solve the teacher recruitment crisis and see a new wave of candle-motivated, wine and chocolate loving teachers flocking into our crumbling schools.🤔👏

wafflingworrier · 17/11/2023 22:36

spirit20 · 17/11/2023 22:22

I couldn't care less about presents, and when I do get them, just generally leave them on the staff-room table to share (as mostly food/drink). But I really do appreciate the cards with thank you messages.

Yeah, this is what I should have said but that would be a lie 😎

DietrichandDiMaggio · 17/11/2023 22:46

I'm not going to say more than this about what I think of frenchfancies directly quoting me then banging on about the millions of expensive gifts she's given every year for her gajillion years in teaching, implying she obviously must be a more loveable and experienced teacher with better kids and by extension from the way it was written as a direct refutal of what I said, it was clear she was implying that I was the opposite and so were my kids. My kids were just grand, thanks.

Bully for her, but bigging yourself up at someone else's expense in extremely poor taste. If she had reflected on why it might be that she received lots of presents, and maybe thought that through for half a second, it would have been an "everyone's different" comment, but she just left it at that so it was obvious how it was intended. And it was me who subsequently worked out she was in primary, she never stated it as a primary/secondary comparison.

I think you are reading too much into that post. The reality is that in primary schools teachers/TAs are routinely given presents by a lot of the children in the class, whatever they are like, and I've seen at least one shit teacher still be given bags of presents just because it's Christmas.

multicolouredbunting · 17/11/2023 22:53

Our class collections have already started, I'll be honest I don't mind a fiver but the parents have decided on £10 each. I can't afford that as I have 4 children in primary school.
Majority of the parents pay it so the money to share is over £250 for the teacher and the ta. They then receive on the last day of term the one voucher and the one card wrote by the collectee

Canuckduck · 17/11/2023 23:04

I’m sure it depends on the the school. I used to send them in when my children were younger but rarely felt like I knew their teachers well enough to send more than a gift card, usually for a large bookstore. We changed schools and now attend a much more mixed school- both in ethnicity and religion and income levels. It was less common so we stopped because my children felt awkward. It also felt a bit like giving them money in a card.

So, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m a social worker with a charity and would never expect a present. It would make me feel odd. I do love a heartfelt thank-you and we do ask for feedback!

Jewelspun · 17/11/2023 23:06

Mine are adults. We never bought teachers Christmas presents at all. End of school year gift only.

Babyboomtastic · 17/11/2023 23:15

I join in the annual collection tax for Christmas/end of year, but it's usually only £5, and at least that way I don't have to think.

If a teacher made a special effort or went above and beyond then I'd probably do something extra.

Poorlymumma · 17/11/2023 23:27

We do handmade cards.