Pressure To Contribute

[Charliesunnysky10]

There are 3 collections at work currently - 2 people leaving, another getting married.

My family are struggling financially at present and I'm being really careful with money, walking to work, taking my own lunch etc. I've never been flash - I'm minimum wage and recently had to quit my second job in the evening to help my teenage daughter, who's having a few problems at school, and because I'm honestly shattered with the hours. It HAS helped us get out of debt though and I'm glad I did it.

I'm feeling pressured to contribute when I can't really afford to. The envelopes on Darren's desk (he sits opposite me) have the amount everyone has contributed - most are £10 with a few fivers, so it's not like I can just do £3 per collection without looking tight. His assistant, Amy keeps reporting back things like "I've asked Andy 3 times now, and he keeps saying he's no cash on him".

She came over to me yesterday and told me about the collections and I just said "That's a nice idea". This morning she brought all 3 cards to my desk and asked if I'd like to sign them. I couldn't say no, but when she collected them, she said the envelopes are on Darren's desk.

I know this is so petty but I feel weak on the one hand for feeling so pressured and ashamed that I'm in a position where I'm having to watch every penny, and can't afford £30 like other people.

I just want it to be entirely voluntary, no pressure to contribute.

I don’t like the idea of writing what people have contributed. I recently did a collection for someone and there were quite a few bank transfers and money to me direct and I made a private note of what I had and then changed the total as I bought things for it, but I certainly wouldn’t be keeping an envelope on a desk with it on for everyone to see.

@MagentaRocks I agree, though to be fair probably only I can see it as I work opposite and we are in a separate office. This just makes it more obvious I'm holding back though.

This was rife when I was in an office, people shaking envelopes in your face and writing it on. After years I grew a backbone and said sorry but no I don’t contribute due to it costing too much but Goodluck/congrats to them. Then I’d wait with a frosty gaze for them to try pressure me. I found after that loads of people started doing the same as me 😂

What a horrible system! I have never contributed £10 to a work collection, and it is unreasonable to expect everyone to contribute a set amount and publicise who has or hasn't complied. I simply couldn't afford it, especially not three at once for that amount. Unfortunately, if they are not taking the hint, you just have to be blunt "sorry, I can sign the card and wish them well, but I don't have £30 to spare". Or you can say "I've got them something separate to the collection " and give them a box of chocs each or something.

That's an awful system. If should be entirely voluntary to contribute, at all, or whatever amount you want. If you feel you can be upfront, I'd say something to management more broadly about collections and how they are done, especially at the moment with high cost of living.

Similar here op, a few years ago I remember a guy was getting married and also leaving a month after. I was part time minimum wage as I was a student at the time. Was told I owed forty pounds, a twenty for each envelope! I had to just say I’m sorry but no that won’t be happening I’m afraid, it was a days pay they wanted off me 😂😂😂 I think it should be completely voluntary and really, a card can be bought for less than a pound and just let everyone sign that. It’s nice to have a card as a memory and I wouldn’t expect a collection for me with how much the cost of living is impacting everyone anyway!

@BellaTheDarkOverlord Amy has flagged that it looks like Andy is avoiding - 2 of the people being collected for aren't particularly nice to him, so I especially don't blame his position on it.

I'm sorry you're being pressurised like this, that's a terrible system. I think you're going to have to be very firm and just say to this person sorry, I'll sign the card but I can't spare anything for the collection. And don't feel in the slightest bit embarrassed about that OP. Shame on them for going about it in this way.

@Yummymummy2020 A day's pay! Good for you, for letting them know - you might have saved someone else from feeling pressured at later date.

I don't think you're being petty at all. This became a big issue a number of years ago where I work. We are a community organisation which has vastly different job roles and salaries and some people on job activation schemes so only getting job seekers allowance. In my experience those who can least afford it give the most. Management stepped in and no more collections. We now have a coffee morning for the person with baloons, flowers and cake. I'd hate if it was still happening with the current cost of living crisis. No one should be guilted into contributing

At my old work when we were office based we had an informal ‘office code’. A collection didn’t even go round the office unless it was a big one E.g 30/40/50. Then it was a brown envelope so you could put in what you wanted/nothing. Anyone could sign the card. Only a card went round if it was a normal birthday. I was there 3 years and there was only one ‘big birthday’. Individual teams would usually do a collection but again that was optional.

@Lemonyfuckit Thank you. I think that's the worst bit of being in this position - you feel a bit vulnerable and don't want to admit it, and even less likely to pipe up and point out the dodgy system.

Honestly if Amy keeps mentioning the colleague not contributing I would put her on the the spot herself and say 'have you thought maybe Andy is avoiding you because he can't afford it and doesn't want to say so, cost of living crisis and all that'. Might give her pause to think about the position she's putting people in. Nothing everyone's individual contributions is a horrible system and constant workplace collections are incredibly wearing. My old job was the same and my name was mud when I declined to contribute to an envelope a week after I started, it was for a gift for the new grandchild of a woman I'd never met who worked in a different department 🙄

I'd personally make a complaint about Amy it's a form of bullying in my opinion

@goodgriefsean Wow...I agree, that's a pretty distant link.

Amy seems to have taken it upon herself to remind people, and we are both among the lowest paid. Maybe she feels like "Why are YOU getting out of £30, when I've had to pay it?!!" which I'd understand, and it won't seem fair to her. It was that which makes me feel guilty.

It's totally out of order making a list of contributions visible to you
You can't afford it, and I doubt you're the only one
I'd just own up and simply say you can't afford to contribute. If it causes bad feeling then I'd just ignore it

@Dulra I agree. But to be honest, I don't want to make a big deal of my situation. Though the problem never goes away unless someone takes a stand as several posters have.

Also Amy's family situation might be totally different to yours so she has more disposable income
Seriously once you've spoken up you will feel better about it

If I was receiving the card I’d be happy you’d signed it - the gift would not matter. If pushed you need to say it is not in your budget so you can’t contribute.

I hate this. During Covid when we had lots of staff coming and going I was tasked with sending out the e-mail 'sorry you're leaving' cards. Luckily there were no collections for presents as most people were not working in the team for long but I was having to pay £3/£4 per e-mail card for each person. I was the lowest paid in the office and eventually said I cannot afford it. Never got the money back and am still very, very pissed off about it. I had not even met most of these people!

Back to your situation, I believe that if people want to contribute then they can and the card can still be signed by whoever wants to sign it whether they contribute or not.

This along with charity donations for staff who want them to sponsor walks, trips to Machu Picchu or climb Everest should also be banned in all offices.

That sounds really hard OP. At my work we get a card for our birthdays and a present for wedding/ baby/ leaving and work pay for all of these so I've never really been in your shoes. I'd be tempted to do what previous posters have said and get a box of chocolates for any of the people you like and if you don't like them don't bother and who cares what they think. Tell Amy to shove it.

This is bang out of order and ‘Amy’ should keep her comments to herself!

I’d be having a conversation with your manager about it, nobody should be pressurised or made to feel guilty and contributing should be entirely voluntary.

In my old team there might be an enveloped but we’d just write our name to say it had been to us/had the opportunity to sign & add £ if we wanted but it shouldn’t include how much people have added in!

My work is like this too. I just give £5 per birthday/leaver/collection blah blah. If they don't like it they can give it me back! My weekly shop is impossible to get under £100 now (2 kids 1 DH) and newsflash (to your work colleague nagging you) there's a cost of living crisis at the moment!! Don't feel pressured, we have enough to worry about in this current climate without her harping on at you xx

No one should be pressured to contribute. In our office we had a max limit (£2.50) so, no one felt that they had to spend more. However, if people wanted to buy their own gift and pay more, they could. We were also very open in our meetings and reassured people that they did not have to contribute. My manager was brilliant haha once I was going to contribute £5 as I didn’t have any change and she actively stopped me saying that would be too much.

Envelope with names on - sensible so the person circulating it knows it’s been to everyone.

But all the rest - if you stick in a quid or a tenner, or nothing at all, if you sign the card or you don’t- that should all be private and voluntary.