Pressure To Contribute

[Charliesunnysky10]

There are 3 collections at work currently - 2 people leaving, another getting married.

My family are struggling financially at present and I'm being really careful with money, walking to work, taking my own lunch etc. I've never been flash - I'm minimum wage and recently had to quit my second job in the evening to help my teenage daughter, who's having a few problems at school, and because I'm honestly shattered with the hours. It HAS helped us get out of debt though and I'm glad I did it.

I'm feeling pressured to contribute when I can't really afford to. The envelopes on Darren's desk (he sits opposite me) have the amount everyone has contributed - most are £10 with a few fivers, so it's not like I can just do £3 per collection without looking tight. His assistant, Amy keeps reporting back things like "I've asked Andy 3 times now, and he keeps saying he's no cash on him".

She came over to me yesterday and told me about the collections and I just said "That's a nice idea". This morning she brought all 3 cards to my desk and asked if I'd like to sign them. I couldn't say no, but when she collected them, she said the envelopes are on Darren's desk.

I know this is so petty but I feel weak on the one hand for feeling so pressured and ashamed that I'm in a position where I'm having to watch every penny, and can't afford £30 like other people.

I just want it to be entirely voluntary, no pressure to contribute.

I hate the envelope business. In my old office, we had to write our name on the envelope once we contributed which I am still not sure what the purpose of that was. There was no shaming around it but the shaming was sort of built into the system.
In my current place, the email goes out from the manages saying "so-and-so is leaving us soon. We appreciate the cost of living is bad so please only contribute as much if you can if you can at all. Here are my bank details". Then there is a follow up email a week before the leaving saying "Just a reminder that so-and-so is leaving next week, if you feel like giving - here are my bank details". And that is it. So far, we had about 6 people leave since me working there and I only contributed to one person whom I worked closely with and who I felt did a lot for the team while they were there. And I'd rather contribute generously to people I really value than small amounts to every transient "work experience" person whose name I only recognise because they were included in a couple of team emails.

I often just contribute £3 for people leaving if I know them.
Never contribute to weddings. Always wonder what’s that got to do with work. Ridic.

I think it's tone deaf. When I have done office collections I always state "Please can everyone sign the card to send x good wishes. If you want/are able to chip in for a gift, the Tin is on y desk".
I also pulled a collection that someone had started for a big bosses birthday but was being passed around minimum wage plus workers. Inappropriate, and he would have been mortified!
In your shoes I think hold your ground. If anyone chases just say you cannot give.

Would you feel confirtable telling Amy that at the minute, so close to Christmas, that you'll struggle to contribute. Just say your mortgage or rent has increased and its not feasible.

I'm with you OP. I sign cards but very rarely contribute. When I retire I will explicitly ask for charity donations instead of any leaving do, and hope the message will mean no-one is pressured into donations.

Working from home at least part of the week seems to have reduced such requests I have found.

Had this at the school gates with a particularly officious class rep one year. She decided unilaterally on behalf of everyone what the class would buy the teacher, and told everyone they needed to transfer about fifty quid each to her bank account. She did it for birthday parties too, and other random things. It got up my nose (and I didn’t like her choice of gifts! 😂), so I stuck my head above the parapet and said on the WhatsApp I wouldn’t be contributing because I was buying something independently.

Several others then chimed in that they were doing the same. She got quite chippy about it, but other mums approached me privately to say they were really glad I’d made it ok to opt out.

Sometimes you’ve just got to make a stand.

Oh these things I usually only put a couple of quid in or what's at the bottom of my bag, I never really use cash. Just put £3 in each and if anyone says anything just says that's all I have, end of 🤷‍♀️ It wouldn't bother me who put what in.

We have a lot of workers on minimum wage and the only collections we do are Leaving ones (if they've worked there a long time) or Weddings and Babies births. Most only put a pound in some put nothing. The bosses usually add more to be able to get a good gift.
£10 is way too much.

Or he just doesn't want to. No need to embarrass Andy saying about COL or anything more. Amy needs to chill out.

I'd say "if Andy is avoiding, there's probably a reason. Best not to push it".

It's ok not to contribute. It's ok to contribute £2/£10 if that's what you want. It's not ok to force contributions, embarrass people or be a cunt in general

Don't wait for it to come around. Just tell Derren or Amy "I won't be making a contribution to the envelopes - I'm going to do something directly. But thank you for the offer".

And then send a card directly

They said you 'owed' forty pounds?

I'd have laughed my tits off.

Tell Amy that you’ll put in 100% of your payrise for a month. Otherwise, it’s all
spent.

And then ask Amy how much she contributed? If she had. And Darren, the bean counter, how much had he put in? And then, it would all be counted out before being spent so any change would go to the recipients, too!!
I bet that would cause a stir, as no doubt they'd be funding themselves for having all this extra work 'put' upon them!!!
If you can afford it and want to do it, then do so, but YOU choose your price!
If you can't afford it, or don't want to do it, then ignore their salty arses and just get on with your work!

Honestly if Amy keeps mentioning the colleague not contributing I would put her on the the spot herself and say 'have you thought maybe Andy is avoiding you because he can't afford it and doesn't want to say so, cost of living crisis and all that'. Might give her pause to think about the position she's putting people in.

Andy might not want people speculating about his financial situation. I’d just say no, and possibly send a card privately if I wanted to. Office collections cause far too much embarrassment and obligation particularly where grown adults feel they can’t say no.

Repeat after me “sorry it’s not in my budget right now”

Honestly just keep ignoring, keep your head down and just get on with your work. If anyone says anything directly just be honest and say look I really can’t afford to right now sorrry. You should NOT feel pressure to contribute, especially on minimum wage.

I do what a pp said and do my own thing. There were 8 people leaving once in my workplace and some of them were retiring so contributions for a gift each would have cost me a fortune. I got them all a small personal gift from me which they all seemed to like.

I do the same for end of year teacher presents. Opt out of the class present and get the dc to write a card and give a small present. I’m sure most people would be happy with that.

I know that it is easy for us to say, but you MUST make a stand. Do they know that you had a second job? If so, say that you had to give it up and now don't have any spare cash.

If they don't then just say the you are on minimum wage and the cost of living crisis has hit you hard so you can't contribute.

What a terrible system. I usually end up responsible for works collections and am very sensitive to the fact we have people on different pay rates & I don't know people's situations.

I never go round begging or keep a public log of what people have contributed. I simply email everyone, impress on them it's voluntary and let them come to me. I also never specify an amount- some people give from £1 to a tenner. If they ask how much other people are giving, I just say it's up to them.

I think a fiver is more than enough for each person. If you can afford it. If you can't - don't contribute or maybe just contribute a fiver to the one who is getting married? You won't see the others again anyway! Just remember when an occasion comes up for you, you may not get anything if they are keeping tabs.

@Mystro202 Yep, I agree with what you say. We don't do it in our department, so its not an issue. I think that's what gets me most - all 3 are Darren's dept - he and I just happen to share an office. Part of me thinks they're being nice to include me but it's Amy's 'Who's paid/who hasnt" that made me feel pressured. As I left the office tonight, she came in asking if Darren was still in. She said "I've got another £20 here for the collection" I'm not taking that as a direct dig at me and I think I'm over sensitive because I'm feeling the pinch right now.

That sounds absolutely awful OP.

I did a few collections during lockdown so people put the money in my bank account- in fact that is generally how we do it now. People put in very different amounts- one guy very generously donated £20 each time but he was in a high salary and had no dependents, others would give anything from £3- 10. Sometimes people didn't give round amounts which I found a bit baffling, but hey it's their money.

The only people I didn't like were those who didn't contribute but still wanted to put a message on the communal card. Invariably I ended up spending more than I meant to because of rounding up and getting a card and delivery, so I thought if you weren't contributing at all, then you should send a separate message.