Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU to think we should go to the church!!

36 replies

Catch2222 · 17/11/2023 09:58

We have been invited to my husbands business partners, daughters wedding. We have been invited to the whole day. Church and reception.

Husband just told me their PA's mentioned they are not bothering with the church and just going
To The reception.

I feel this is wrong. We were invited to the church and Reception. We should go to both.

Husband said the church is t that big and we should leave room for the actual family. Am I wrong to think it's rude to miss the church?

OP posts:

GreyhpundGirl · 17/11/2023 10:00

If you've been invited I don't understand why you wouldn't- your husband's reasoning is strange. Surely the wedding party know how many people fit in it?!?

Blinkingmarvellous · 17/11/2023 10:01

Of course you should go to the church. I'm sure they checked the capacity before sending the invitations

Ineedanewmoniker · 17/11/2023 10:02

It would be rude to not go to the church and then turn up for the food!

StaySpicy · 17/11/2023 10:10

If you're invited for the wedding breakfast it would be odd not to attend the actual ceremony first. Different if you're invited to the church and then the evening but not the meal.

Withnailandsigh · 17/11/2023 10:12

You’re correct IMO. I’m fortunate enough to be at the life stage where mostly everyone’s already done the wedding or is intending to remain unwed so they don’t come up often now thankfully. I despise the church/ mosque/ synagogue/ temple bit of weddings because I’m atheist and they seem to go on forever! However, they have chosen the wedding service that’s important to them, so if you like them enough to eat and drink at their expense for a day, then you show up to the boring bit at the beginning. It’s simple manners.

HibernianHibernator · 17/11/2023 10:13

But what have their PAs got to do with it? Obviously they get to make their own decision about which parts of the wedding they attend, but there's no reason why your husband should be guided by them. Yes, in general, I would say that if you've been invited to the church and the reception and are planning to attend the wedding, you should attend both parts. It's not a pick and mix.

DappledThings · 17/11/2023 10:14

Very rude not to go to the church.

ColleenDonaghy · 17/11/2023 10:17

Very rude to skip the ceremony and go straight to the party.

PickyCat · 17/11/2023 10:20

Do any of you/your DH/the PAs actually know the bride and groom? I'm with you in principle that if you're invited to all you should go to all and they'll have checked capacity so that won't be a problem. But it doesn't sound from your OP that you know the happy couple so I might be more inclined to not go at all.

The trouble with reception only attendance is the couple might not be having any evening only guests, so if you come to that part they'll be unable to fill the church/wedding breakfast places as otherwise they'd be over on numbers in the evening iyswim.

highlandcoos · 17/11/2023 10:23

OP, the important bit is the marriage ceremony, not the celebrations afterwards. It would be extremely rude to only rock up for the meal.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2023 10:26

Unless the Bride/Groom have asked people not to go to the Church, then the expectation is that people will go to the church.

At our wedding, quite a few of the normal congregation turned up as well (without expectation to attend later parts)

Hurroo · 17/11/2023 10:27

Unless the PA has a significant reason for not attending the church service, your DH should perhaps tip him/her off that 'not bothering' to attend but pitching up for the free drinks isn't going to make a stellar impression with the boss!

ShirleyPhallus · 17/11/2023 10:40

Lol at your husband doing what his PA says about not going to the actual wedding

C8H10N4O2 · 17/11/2023 10:43

Of course you shouldn't skip the ceremony - the marriage commitment is the point of the day.

If the church wasn't big enough for the guests then presumably the invites would be for the reception only. If really in doubt then check with with the couple/business partner, don't make assumptions or go on rumour.

PinkRoses1245 · 17/11/2023 10:43

It's rude not to go to the church, if you're invited. They will have only invited the number who can fit in the church.

Lochness1975 · 17/11/2023 10:45

It was be extremely rude to attend the reception without attending the church.

JellyMops · 17/11/2023 10:46

Did he put on his RSVP that he couldn't give a shit about the service, he's just interested in the free food and drinks?

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 17/11/2023 10:48

Oh that's so rude.

A couple did it at my wedding and I'd had a drink and said I was surprised to see them as they weren't at the church!

They were suitably embarrassed.

susiedaisy1912 · 17/11/2023 10:49

Is it just the pa that's not bothering with the service? Why if you been invited to the whole day wouldn't you turn up for the most important part of the day? Is this a new trend with the newer generation? A bit like wearing trainers with your suits.

Original poster

Catch2222 · 17/11/2023 10:50

Thanks for the replies. I'm relieved I'm not being silly about this.

The brides family and extended family is large so
I feel we should be honoured to be included.

PA's can do what they like. We will show a bit of decorum and go to both!

OP posts:

PumpkinFence · 17/11/2023 10:52

Your DH is strange. People know exactly what their numbers are and how many can sit and of course it’s not up to you to decide to not attend to keep their numbers down. I would think it was the height of rudeness to not attend the wedding and just rock up for the food if you weren’t only invited for the evening do

SleepingStandingUp · 17/11/2023 10:55

Beyond rude to swerve the actual wedding and role up for the food.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/11/2023 10:55

Beyond rude to swerve the actual wedding and role up for the food.

Roll

ManateeFair · 17/11/2023 10:55

The couple wouldn't have invited you to the church if they didn't have room for everyone.

Obviously there are times when people aren't free to go to the church part - prior engagement, couldn't get childcare, whatever - but are free later in the day. But in that situation I think the normal thing to do would be to just go to the evening do - not to skip the church part and then rock up for a sit-down meal immediately afterwards!

Mosaic123 · 17/11/2023 10:57

You should definitely go because you have been invited.

Surely you are adult enough to be, possibly, slightly bored for an hour?

Flip

1 2