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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider letting DD11 shave

35 replies

PollyPeeves · 16/11/2023 22:36

She has been asking me for a while and tonight asked again.
She has already got a fair amount, particularly under her arms. She understands that is normal and part of growing up but she says she finds it irritating and that she can't wear certain tops and t shirts.
My own DM was SO against me shaving when I was growing up and I held off for a long time even though it made me absolutely miserable because I assumed that she must have had her good reasons for thinking/feeling that way about it but tbh I'm still pretty stumped!
Have I been missing something all this time or if I show my DD how to do this properly and safely, is it such a big deal?

OP posts:

PrudeyTwoShoes · 16/11/2023 22:38

At that age, and if she's asking, I'd absolutely let her shave (but reiterate it should be for her benefit and not because of outside pressure).

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 16/11/2023 22:40

They are her pits. Help her, show her what to do. Buy her cream or a razor

Pinkpinkplonk · 16/11/2023 22:41

If she feels she needs to, then let her. Make sure she knows many women don’t, and just because she’s started she doesn’t have to continue

Queucumber · 16/11/2023 22:41

What was your reason for saying no before?

TeaAndBrie · 16/11/2023 22:42

Definitely show her and normalise that she can chose what she wants to do. She needs to know the options. The hair removal cream is A good start.

PercyPigInAWig · 16/11/2023 22:43

You are unreasonable to think you need to ‘let’ her shave her own body. My mother had an odd attitude like yours and acted like I shouldn’t shave my legs (even though she did herself).
Absolutely show her how to do it safely and preferably without cutting herself. Waxing is not much use to adolescents as wiring for the hair to grow back long enough requires an abundance of patience.

SkaneTos · 16/11/2023 22:43

Let her shave if she wants to, but help her in the beginning!

Mangotango39 · 16/11/2023 22:44

Please let her.
My mum thankfully let me quite young as I was so dark and hairy. It was what I wanted and at the end of the day, it is her body x

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 16/11/2023 22:44

There should be no ‘letting’, it’s her body.

Horrace · 16/11/2023 22:50

What's your reason for not wanting her to remove body hair?
Is it just the thought of her growing up too fast. I understand that.
But think logically. There is no harm. She is going to end up shaving, waxing, lazering or whatever at some point anyway. Just be supportive and understanding. All will be well.

Original poster

PollyPeeves · 16/11/2023 22:52

Thanks all this has been helpful. You've all confirmed my gut reaction to this.
I have no issue with her doing this at all but to answer some questions -

I've never been sure about my own Mums rationale and I was genuinely concerned that I was missing something about shaving that was so bad. Growing up, I remember girls in school saying things like their Mums had gone apeshit mad when they found out they had started shaving. I've never understood it.
I don't have the best relationship with DDs dad (exH). Because of the above I always feel I have to be super careful with any parenting "decisions". If he can use something against me he will, or it will turn into a stick to beat me with.
of course I understand it's her body and the language of "letting her" is hopefully explained a bit more by everything above. I genuinely just want her to be happy and confident in her own skin and if this would help then I have zero issue with it.... as naive and stupid as it may make me seem - I've always wondered if there was something about the "forbidden" nature of it that I grew up with that I just never knew or found out!

and of course I would help and support her in the beginning. It wasn't fun having to figure it all out for myself in my younger years and I'd never want that for her.

OP posts:

All2Well · 16/11/2023 22:53

It's strange NOT to let her remove her body hair at that age.
Please don't force her to have something that makes her feel uncomfortable for some arbitrary reason that you can't even articulate.

Original poster

PollyPeeves · 16/11/2023 22:56

@All2Well please read my most up to date post. I'm not forcing her to have anything.

OP posts:

fourelementary · 16/11/2023 22:56

Dd has been shaving since she was 8. She is rather hairy (sorry- my side of the family!) and was a gymnast- so was often in a leotard and being looked it. She shaved her legs at that point and her armpits when she noticed them I guess- never asked her! Her body her decision. She uses the intuition razor which you don’t need gel with- just water. They’re great and she’s had one cut in several years so it’s pretty safe too.

Original poster

PollyPeeves · 16/11/2023 22:58

I'll pick up an intuition razor tomorrow!

OP posts:

Dinglewoop · 16/11/2023 23:03

My mum didn't let me shave when I was getting teased at school so one night I just did it myself. Got it completely wrong - dry shaved and made a right mess of my legs. I wish my mum had reacted differently. I also wish she'd suggested other options like waxing. Shaving just seemed to make my hair grow thicker and faster and my legs never felt smooth even straight after shaving. I wonder if I'd waxed from a young age if it would be better now.

MargaretThursday · 16/11/2023 23:15

Dm was against us shaving. Eventually she let dsis (who had very hairy legs and dark hair) use some sort of hair removal cream which took her half a day to use.

I otoh didn't bother to ask her and used to just borrow df's razor quietly when I wanted to shave. First time I cut myself quite badly, but after that was fine.

Dsis commented one time (when we were adults) that I didn't need to shave because I hardly had any leg hair anyway, and I told her I used df's razor*. her face was a picture of a mixture of "why didn't I think of that" and "how dare you"!🤣🤣🤣

Moral is though, get her a razor if she wants one. Her dad (if around) might be quite thankful.

*I haven't worked out if df knew I did that. He was always very careful with anything he used, and I would expect (looking back) him to realise that his razors were blunting quickly etc. And he was normally very strict about not touching his stuff, but I suspect he would have felt that if we wanted to do things that other girls did in the name of beauty then we should, and he quite liked initiative being taken.

Gro · 16/11/2023 23:15

Right decision OP

My DD started shaving at 7 or 8. She had hairy legs and was a dancer so was more conscious of them than her peers. She knows she can use the shaving foam and razors in the bathroom if she wants but now she is 12 she hardly ever bothers, I think the novelty wore off quite quickly.

Gro · 16/11/2023 23:17

My mum was the complete opposite. She bought me an electric razor for christmas when I was about 10. I opened it in front of everyone and was absolutely mortified! She did the same with the book about periods a year before! Cringe!

theduchessofspork · 16/11/2023 23:45

No it’s fine - she’s asked and it’s a normal age to start.

A good razor and shaving foam so she doesn’t cut herself. Also body lotion.

Fionaville · 16/11/2023 23:55

I would seriously consider an alternative to shaving! My DD is 11 and we are getting to that stage soon, although at the moment she's in no rush as it's winter, so we'll probably wait until next summer. I'm quite hairy and I imagine she will be. Shaving my legs has been a regret of mine forever. I started at 11 and I'm only completely smooth for half a day, so I spend most of my time with spikey legs, which is what is putting my daughter off shaving. So I'm looking at alternatives for her. At the moment I'm thinking of an epilator or laser removal. I've thought about the cream remover or bleaching the hairs, but I don't want to use unnecessary chemicals if they are harmful in anyway. Shaving equals bristles, which is what I'm trying to avoid for my DD.

Nat6999 · 17/11/2023 00:12

Buy her a rechargeable wet & dry shaver, safer than a disposable, get her some sensitive skin shaving foam or gel, I buy mine from Aldi, it's as good as the King of Shaves one.

CocoaKate · 17/11/2023 05:40

I supported my dd to start shaving at age 10. All fine.

BoredOfBeingTired · 17/11/2023 06:00

My daughter was very hairy (got it from me, sorry dd!) and first had a leg wax at 8 years old (I did it for her).
Sadly even in this day and age kids can be incredibly cruel and any noticeable 'difference' is a beacon for comments and teasing.
My daughter is 13 now and hit and miss as to whether she bothers removing her body hair. She knows she has a choice and that's enough for her.

madnessitellyou · 17/11/2023 06:33

Just let her.

Dd1 didn't even ask. She just grabbed my razor one day and did it. She'd have been about 11. She's never cut herself, but I did make sure she knew (once I'd realised!) how do shave without injury. It's quite sweet that when dd2 decided she wanted to get rid of the hair under her arms she asked dd1. Then told me to buy the razor her sister recommended.

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