To not want to talk every day at pick up

[Rememberchristmasintheeighties]

Anyone else just want to get your child and run (not literally 😂) at school pick up?
So tired at the moment and just cannot be arsed to chat with a mum (no offence to her) or the teacher etc
I have friends and am a sociable person but in my own time, if that makes sense? The monotony of picking my Dd up and having to chat to the teacher or parents is 😩I just want to see my girl…and go home.
I time it to arrive just as the doors are opening so I can just dash in, but still get trapped at the main classroom door

I find all these "school pickup mum" threads really odd.
All the "I don't want to make small talk with these random strangers" etc. Yet when there is a thread about self service tills in supermarkets people go on how it's "terrible for the elderly because the checkout person might be the only person they talk to that day".
At what point in a person's life does it go from "God forbid I make polite small talk to a stranger" (or rather someone you see twice a day, 5 days a week) to "I am old therefore I must make small talk with a stranger or else I am isolated"?
You child's school is their community - so it's your community too.
Just be polite, say Hello and Goodbye and if necessary make 5 minutes of small talk about the weather.
I say this as someone who has suffered bad anxiety in the past.

I always arrive for the exact second the gates open so no milling around. I walk straight through the crowd, avoid any eye contact, greet my child and then natter with him as I walk back through the crowd. I never have to chat to any other parents, it's great!

Does the teacher have time to speak with you ( and 30 others) every day ? Get a grip.

I am with you. I am generally a sociable person and I don’t mind chatting occasionally and will always say hello to people….. BUT… I can’t stand having to talk to the same mum every single day on the way out of school. I literally have nothing more to say when it’s every consecutive day 😂 I imagine the feeling is completely mutual however and that we are both just trying to be polite when really we wish we could just grab our children and go!

I must have an unapproachable face as I never had this problem, I'm sociable within my own small friendship group and work colleagues but had no interest in school playground gossip.

As I said-where's that "I'm better that you" emoji?

The teacher doesn't want to chat at the end of the school day either.

This 100%. I don't get the desperate attempt to be seen as aloof & different to all the other school mums by not making eye contact, not speaking or brushing shoulders with them, just viewing them with utter contempt. They are just normal mums like you with interests outside of their child- Some professionals, some not, just trying to make the best of the 6yrs or so your child and theirs will spend together.

Do people not get that most of their friends are also school mums at some point ? all your colleagues (mind you they're also contemptible on MN), all the women at your social /sporting interests are mums.

Sure there will be some annoying women amongst them, no reason you can't avoid those and still be pleasant to the majority and it doesn't have to be everyday, just enough that you actually know what's going in school where it concerns your child and their class & people actually know who X's mum or parents and have some rapport with you.

@OP still hasn't explained why they can't talk to the teacher who probably wants to talk specifically about their child? doubt they want to chat to you about their love life.

If you choose not to build a network of contacts and later friends amongst a population then that is on you. It's creating social capital. Just don't come posting on Mumsnet when you are so alone, have no friends, don't know what is going on at school, haven't got anyone to do a last minute pick up for you. No one gets everything at once. If you want distance from the families of your child's peers then have it. And be realistic about what that means.

As long as you're not tapping into a phone with a sullen face like a smacked arse, you're fine to keep quiet.

Agree with needmorelego, there may well come a time in your life when you're glad of human interaction, it doesn't take much to be friendly

In all my years at the school gate, it’s not something I’ve ever thought twice about.

It’s interesting to hear different views on here- I basically just go to pick up. If someone is there I know- I will chat to them. Often, I occasionally chat to parents I don’t know.

I think this is where extroverts and introverts will have very different views. I enjoy a bit of chit chat. When I want to go, I just say - ‘need to go-bye!’

Im not being goady when I say this ( just curious) but I’m baffled that people give this so much thought

@LadeOde agree with you 100% …I definitely think there’s a minority who bring the ‘not like other girls’ vibe to parenting. All too cool for school to talk to someone.

but I’m surprised at the amount of anxiety around social interaction. I think it’s basically just shyness but it gets pathologised to ‘anxiety’. As a naturally shy ( but extrovert) person myself, I find that the more you face it, the less anxious you are.

I think that weirdly, it’s because we have less rigid social rules for interaction.

I think YABU. It’s 5 minutes. The teacher is a highly influential person in your kids’ life. The parents are parents of you children’s friends and will be the ones who remind you about non uniform, class assembly etc. You’re part of the community. How do you think life would be if the kids were handed out in silence, maybe with a sticker, to all the parents stood there completely mute? These small interactions make up 90% of life. Unless you’re neuro diverse, everyone who you come across is a massive twat or they keep you there for 20mins then it’s really not too much to ask.

And I am 100% not in a coffee clique or any other clique but if I’ve got to hang around there I’d rather have a quick chat- I might learn something interesting, find a new club, someone might make me laugh 🤷‍♀️

I agree with @Motherhubbardscupboard, @Needmorelego and @LadeOde People seem to be getting more and more insular. Or maybe all the insular people post on threads like this.

I also get the impression that people who aren't interested in making mum friends think they are above those that do. People who are open to new friendships aren't necessarily lonely or needy, they are just open to new friendships.

It might not have occurred to the people avoiders that some parents are new to the area and actually want to make new friends. I assume that they live where they were born and went to school and near family and have no need to interact with other people.

I didn't socialise with the other mums outside of school, but a friendly word while at the school gate did go a long way to oil DD socialising with the other children.

What utter bullshit.

I think you might have your ow head stuck very far up your own arse

YANBU it is so draining. After 17 years of the school run I am so happy to leave that world behind!

• to add. I wouldn't mind talking to the teacher at all.

so many of us are busy and most will understand. What I would say, in the most respectful and compassionate way, is that some people get dressed and ready just for the school run. For some people, it’s the only adult conversation they’ll have in the day. For some, you could brighten their day with a smile and 2 minutes of chatter. You never know….parenting can be a lonely place for some people.

it is also a chance to get to know what is happening inside school. My older child is in year 7 and I have to say that me and another mum piece quite pertinent stuff together, from the bits that each of our sons ‘kind of share’.

my younger one is 4 and she likes me being friendly with her friends mums.

like you, most of the time I can’t be asked, but I do.

It’s nice people want to talk to you it’s a couple of minutes at best, unless your getting there really early. Who knows the other person might work from home or be at stay at home mum and not spoken to anyone all day. You don’t have to enjoy but also don’t get why it’s that bad to have to do !