To not want to talk every day at pick up

[Rememberchristmasintheeighties]

Anyone else just want to get your child and run (not literally 😂) at school pick up?
So tired at the moment and just cannot be arsed to chat with a mum (no offence to her) or the teacher etc
I have friends and am a sociable person but in my own time, if that makes sense? The monotony of picking my Dd up and having to chat to the teacher or parents is 😩I just want to see my girl…and go home.
I time it to arrive just as the doors are opening so I can just dash in, but still get trapped at the main classroom door

YANBU OP. I was largely the same.

But a lot of people will be along shortly to accuse you of being part of the “bitchy, cliquey school gate mum” set for not smiling or chatting enough or including them in every conversation.

Theres a sizeable section of the mum population which gets all its validation from interactions at the school gate, seeks all its friendships there and is scrutinising the runes relentless for signs of “cliqueyness” among mums.

So toughen up your hide and stand back for a slew of threads about how “school gate mum” are desperate social climbers.

If you are talking about the time when you already have your child with you and another parent is still chatting, couldn’t you just say ‘must get on, see you tomorrow!’

Just tell people you don't want to chat. That'll solve the problem permanently.

I dunno. It’s not something I relish, but it’s just part of being part of any community isn’t it? I do worry how many people want to live in a very insular way now, and I say that as an introvert myself who finds the small talk quite draining.

That only tends to happen in reception/year one, but it is true to a certain extent. When my sister's DC were little they hardly got invited to any parties or had many DC to theirs because she worked full time.

I worked part time and did manage to get to know the other parents, and when DD was in recetion/year one she got invited to so many parties.

It tailed off in the juniors though.

I do think that very shy and introverted women need to be aware that being a parent does come with the expectation that they will have to get outside of their comfort zone when it comes to social interraction with other people where their children are concerned.

Also, mumsnet has a disproportionate number of shy or introverted or unsociable posters, so you will get most people agreeing with you.

Perhaps you could turn up wearing noise cancelling headphones?

I have anxiety and hate the school run! I find small talk excruciating 😣

I wish there was some sort of emoji that meant "yes, you are better than school gate mums and why would you want to talk to them about their mundane little lives."

I did this as a working parent and found it draining. There is something about not being fully tuned out of work and then having to plunge into chitchat.

I did do it for years when my daughters needed picking up. By the end I had noise cancelling headphones!

Don't miss it.

Yep I feel like this. It's always the same chat too and I dislike small talk on a daily basis!

I aim to get in there a minute or so after, by which point, most people have dispersed!

I sometimes feel like this especially if I’ve rushed to get there. My new thing is to put earphones in and listen to an audio book until DC come out. Only my actual friends would disturb me which I don’t mind!

Fine as long as you smile and say a cherry hello! How many threads in MN about how unfriendly sone mums are on the school run? You don't need to hang around, but do try and be friendly.

Wear big earphones and pretend you are on the phone/listening to a podcast, problem solved and just smile.

I do know what you mean, but I always make an effort at pickup as I feel like befriending other parents might be important for my DD to get play date/
party invites!

I'm like this. I hate the forced chat. Happy to say morning/hello but I don't particularly want to make friends with them.

They're meeting up for drinks and all sorts, i wonder its because they have no friends outside of their children.

Then i also wonder if my child will not be invited to play dates etc?

YANBU, I had no interest in the forced socialisation of the school run.

I did try & make an effort when my oldest first started primary but they had no interest in engaging with me so I gave up.

I soon learned that most of the topics of discussion seemed to be bitchy gossip (on one occasion I overheard them discussing my pregnancy & how they were concerned about my parenting skills due to what I wear) & banal luncheon arrangements, so nothing I'd have been interested in.

It was quite funny when I became a library volunteer, & by extension a parent helper on school trips, as they actually had to engage with me.

Get down to your child’s level and just concentrate on them. Big hugs and kisses and talk to them. Don’t break your concentration with them to answer anyone else. Make it allllll about being reunited with them so you can only manage a polite ‘hiya’ with a smile and a wave whilst you immediately go back to talking to your child as you start to walk away holding hands with them and totally immersed in anything they have to say. If this Mum persists; gesture a silly lighthearted being pulled away by child and laugh and mouth ‘can’t talk sorry!’ With a smile.

not suggesting you don’t already engage with your child but if you make it a real ‘thing’ it’ll get you away from adults that want to unnecessarily chat without looking rude because who could think it’s rude that a Mum is focusing on their child! It’ll have a positive side effect of a lovely pick up for you and child too.

Teacher though, no help! you kinda got to engage a little as it’s likely to be something you need to know.

Yeah, I’m the same. I just don’t feel like chatting on the school run.
I time it to be in and out and if I’m slightly early I try to stand off to the side a bit ( pretend I’m looking at something on my phone ) hoping nobody will try to talk to me 😆
I’m actually pretty sociable and have plenty of parent friends at the school but I just don’t like playground chatting.. I don’t really know why either 🤷‍♀️

My youngest child’s pick up is anywhere between 3.10-3.20 so I make sure I don’t get there until 3.20 when all the other parents have left 😂

My oldest son is 9.5 and for the last few months he’s been walking home from school on his own and it’s great because it means no more standing around outside his classroom for 10 minutes and being forced to converse with other parents! 🎉

There are 3-4 parents that I’m actual friends with, but the rest are just people who even making 10 minutes of inane conversation with irritates me.

You are not alone OP 😂

I used to do that all the time 😂😂😂

Should the OP flagellate herself through the streets to atone for her misanthropy too?

I am with you. I hate small talk and especially in the mornings just want to get in and out as I have to get to work. I’ve been perfecting my best “must dash, busy busy” smile and wave routine for several years now. I’ll chat to the teacher but once kids are dropped/collected I’m out of there. I’ve unmuted the class WhatsApp groups as a small concession to community and that’s more than enough parental interaction for me!

Oh and I also remember vividly as a child how much I hated my mum hanging around the playground chatting so maybe it’s a reaction to that…

You will be accused of some conspiracy and blanking people and they will have to come on here and write an angst lengthy essay about you being a big meanie

But in reality just do it

Sounds like the problem is after your child has been let out, which is unusual. Perfectly normal just to bugger off home at that point. You just need to own it.

YABU. You have your own life and friends which is great for you but what if that mum doesn't? The school gate is an obvious place to make friends but it's impossible if people have such a closed attitude, which I think is sad. Also agree with the points about the school community.