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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to pay my teenage son to practice his guitar?

51 replies

SlartyBartFast · 11/03/2008 21:22

bought him the R**Y thing for his bday.

think he is struggling.
thought 25 a practice would be a good idea.

then of course my dd who actually practices her instrument wants now to be paid!

OP posts:

crimbo2008 · 11/03/2008 22:04

Funnily enough it doesn't put her off though..she spent a few hours, unprompted, tonight arranging a piece she's going to play at a wedding....she's just a typical teenager at times and needs a bit of encouragement to get on and do things.

Once she starts, she practises for quite a while.

The allowance/fine thing is how we set boundaries (not just for music practise) - works for us and doesn't need to be done very often.

I would say it's worth having proper lessons though, as long as you can find a good teacher.

GColdtimer · 11/03/2008 22:06

My dh is a guitar teacher. At the end of the day, only those who REALLY want to do it end up succeeding on the guitar (like any instrument I suppose, but the guitar is hard).

Did he ask you for one or did you think it would be a good idea?

GColdtimer · 11/03/2008 22:09

YABU by the way

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 11/03/2008 22:19

he asked... unfortunately it was a whole year later that he got one.

OP posts:

gracepaley · 11/03/2008 22:23

yabu.

bellavita · 11/03/2008 22:31

My two DS's have lessons - it is expensive but worth it. I love listening to them play.

Usually DS1 (nearly 11) will sit on his bed after he gets dressed on a morning and strum.

DS2 (8) is always strumming.

It is great hearing the music come together from one week to the next.

pointydog · 11/03/2008 22:40

You is fool. Don;t do

Nighbynight · 11/03/2008 23:11

yabu - dont bribe, give the guitar to someone who wants it, far better moral lesson!

GColdtimer · 12/03/2008 08:27

bellavita, can I ask how much you pay and are they private lessons or through the school?

bellavita · 12/03/2008 08:43

Hi Twofalls, it is £9.50 per lesson (half hour) for DS1 and a slight reduction of a £1 for DS2.

They are private lessons.

When DS1 goes up to secondary school in September (it is an arts college) music features fairly big and they have studios. He can have lessons there (which he will do as well as the ones he is having privately).

DS1 asked and asked for about 18 months about getting a guitar. We needed to be sure he really wanted to do it as obviously it is an expensive hobby.

GColdtimer · 12/03/2008 09:04

thanks bellavita, my dh is about to put his prices up as he hasn't done so for 4 years (he is £20 an hour/£10 half and hour at the moment). I was wondering what you thought of as expensive.

Do you think it is disproportionally expensive (ie, that the teacher is charging too much) or just in the sense that it is a lot of money for you to find?

bellavita · 12/03/2008 09:46

No, I don't think the teacher charges too much.

DH earns a decent amount and I work part-time and my money goes away ie. we don't rely on it.

It is just that in my head I think of £80 a month - could go towards something else like paying extra off the mortgage etc.

I think what I am trying to say is that it is an expensive hobby if a year/2 years down the line the children give up. Does this make sense?

GColdtimer · 12/03/2008 11:17

I absolutely understand, it is what DH grapples with all the time in his head and which is why he is reluctant to put his prices up. It is a difficult business to make your living from to be honest.

Glad your two are so keen at the moment though., I hope it continues

Mungarra · 12/03/2008 12:36

I think if he's not interested, he's not interested.

My aunt used to make my (at the time) teenage cousin do piano lessons and practise. I think she just wanted to show off about her piano-playing son (he was quite good at it but didn't like it). He was miserable about it.

Why are you so keen for him to play the guitar? You could always sell the guitar if he doesn't want it.

dingdong05 · 12/03/2008 13:35

I think even a couple of years playing an instrument is beneficial. Gets them thinking in a different way, learning to read music, feeling rhythm. They are skills he'll always have, and later on if he wants to pick up another instrument he won't be starting from scratch. The point is money and effort won't be lost!

smartiejake · 12/03/2008 14:07

£9.50 for a half an hour lesson is way below the going rate.
I taught the clarinet 20 years ago and I charged £9 for 30 mins than!.

My dds have 30 min s for £14 (each!!!)

cheesesarnie · 12/03/2008 14:10

surely by paying him your bribing him to do something hes obviously not keen on-else hed be doing it anyway.how old is he?my dad tried teaching me the guitar,was rubbish,hes a great player but bad teacher.

Original poster

SlartyBartFast · 12/03/2008 14:22

he's 13.

that's good, will blame DH for being the rubbish teacher

OP posts:

duchesse · 12/03/2008 14:24

Yep, you are
(credentials- mother of 3 instrumentalists)
If he can't summon the enthusiasm to practise of his own accord, give his two options: either he pays for his own lessons, or he stops lessons. Even if it involves you upping his pocket money to allow for the lesson cost, the mere act of handing over his own money for a lesson he hasn't practised for should make him evaluate his commitment to the instrument.

duchesse · 12/03/2008 14:28

Just wanted to say our Spanish students (have them over every year) love the guitar (both play the electric and acoustic guitar). The older one (15) has reached about grade 6-7 in 3 years, the younger about grade 4 in same legnth of time. They practise at least an hour a day! The older one plays for about 2.5 hours a day in the summer. And the practise REALLY pays off. They have a video on Youtube if your son might be interested in seeing it. Might motivate him to practise a little more... Just say and I'll post the link.

duchesse · 12/03/2008 14:32

They're so cute, I couldn't resist posting it anyway...

PotPourri · 12/03/2008 14:35

ERrr, yes. YABU. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I must say that forcing him to practice will take all the joy and fun out of playing. I know this from experience (wasn't paid mind you). I was desperate to play piano, finally parents got me lessons one christmas and the whole thing lost its sparkle as had a nasty old woman teaching me, hitting the back of my hands and putting me down becfause I hadn't practiced.

If you really want him to learn guitar adn get something our of it, the most I would reccomend you do is try to find him a group ro teacher that will inspire him - and make sure he knows it is up to him whether he pursues it or not (perhaps he could earn the money for lessons or something).

But paying him to practice - it has to stop as quickly as it started!!

tori32 · 12/03/2008 14:38

YABU. Who wanted the guitar most - you or him. It sounds like he isn't that interested so you would be far better off asking him what he would like to do in his spare time and pay for that IMO.

FWIW I agree with cantsleepwontsleep

casbie · 12/03/2008 14:42

don't nag, don't pay him, let him choose if that's what he wants to do - or not!

my dd gets piano lessons, but i have never pushed to practise.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/03/2008 14:44

This reply has been deleted

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