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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

m ds is not allowed in my dad's front room because he is a sicky baby

73 replies

Eddas · 11/03/2008 21:21

Dad & step mother have invited me, dh and the dc round to their house on easter monday. But ds will not be allowed in the front room as he is a sicky baby(reflux type sickness so you never know when it'll happen!) and i'm just that dad actually said he can't go in a room. I know nobody wants sick on their carpet but really aren't they being a bit precious. I don't like him being sick on my carpet but I clean it up and get on with it

Not sure whether I want to go now and wanted to see if I'm being silly. DH will not go if I tell him.

OP posts:

madamez · 12/03/2008 00:37

It does sound as though your dad's wife has some kind of phobia about kids or maybe just does not like them very much. Some people are like this, and you are never going to win them round with your child, no matter how adorable. Just do what makes you feel comfortable without being actively rude as people are, after all, entitled to make whatever rules they want in their own homes.

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 07:24

madamez, you are right, I know it's their house. When I rang dad back he said it was a personal thing against ds, I didn't take it that it was, he said they don't allow red wine in there either incase it gets spilt. Was a bit at the comparison of red wine and my child but that's just me being precious about my child and he's not even pfb

When I speak to dad on friday I will just explain that this really has nothing to do with the carpet thing, it just made me realise that it would be easier if they came here. Their house is not designed for children and there is nothing there for them so I have to pack up everything for a few hours. I will explain that it's pretty common for the young family to remain at home whilst the 'granparents' visit them rather than faff and load the car as if you're staying away for weeks.

I don't want to make this into a big issue as it's not.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 07:24

wasn't a personal thing

OP posts:

shabster · 12/03/2008 07:34

Wait until your DS is about 18 - out on the town for the night - too much to drink - a kebab on the way home (are you getting where I am going with this ) then encourage DS to go round to grandads house. Then grandad will understand about vomit!!!

(spoken by the mam of a 26 year old DS)

shabster · 12/03/2008 07:35

Just had a peek at your pics. You can come round to my house anytime with those two cutie pies!! sick or no sick. beautiful children

pruners · 12/03/2008 07:37

Message withdrawn

shabster · 12/03/2008 07:44

pruners - I know what you mean but we are talking grandparents here. Im going to be a first time grandma in June and I cant wait - dont care if my grandson chucks for England - Im just so excited and happy to meet him.

eandh · 12/03/2008 07:45

Oh mate, I saw the title and instantly thought it may be you like you said you know whis will have come from her, its harldy like they see you much (unless she is making snidey comments or being 2 hours late )

I don't know what to suggest I am home Easter Monday as C working and would happily have H for you but that isnt the solution.

FFS that woman makes me so mad and she isn't even my relative grrrrrrrrrrrrrr why oh why can't your Dad stick up for you

Anyway see you at 9.30 (if you are free tomorrow morning do you fancy catching up minus G & E?)

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 08:13

aw thanks shabster. we'll be round soon

pruners, i have said lots of times on this thread that I understand and really this isn't about the sickness on the carpet it's just sad that he felt it necessary to point it out before we go rather than just sit somewhere else all day. No need to make it into an issue as he said I was. He brought it up not me.

EandH, thanks mate, you know that this is not me being silly or ott. Just wish they were like mil and your mum and mil I guess i'll just have to stop wishing and accept that they are like this. They are missing out on knowing my dc I think I have to stop wishing mum was still here and thinking how differnt it'd be if she was and just move on. At least mil is a fantastic person and would do anything for us as a family dh is a lucky man having a great mum

OP posts:

eandh · 12/03/2008 08:19

(((hugs))) your MIL is great (mine isn't bad but I'll trade her with yours ) and I know its so hard for you without your Mum (well it would be a completley diffrent situation wouldn't it, your Mum wouldn't have given 2 hoots about the sick)

I think you have done all you can and when you speak to your Dad on Friday just keep calm and rational, he is the one missing out on G&H and they are his grandchildren and G is such a fantastic age/child that he should be enjoying her and her 'chatty' ways

I feel like going round there with dog poo on my shoes and walking through the whole house

eandh · 12/03/2008 08:21

oh and turning on her deep fat fryer and putting my rubbish in her uber expensive bin

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 08:27

i doubt she's got a deep fat fryer, she just bought me one as the fatty of the family

pmsl at the dog poo

OP posts:

eandh · 12/03/2008 08:30

AngharadGoldenhand · 12/03/2008 09:47

I think you're being a tad unreasonable here. It's one room in a whole house and I'm guessing there'll be somewhere else for everyone to sit.

Your dad's only mistake was to actually say this as opposed to just making sure a different room was used.

moopymoo · 12/03/2008 09:52

my own mother is like this. Still convinced ds2 is going to 'have an accident' and be sick on something from John Lewis. Not long ago, she created some crazy scenario in her head that i had thrown out a cushion behind her back because ds had been sick on it. then she found it on a chair. i feel your pain...dont go, or invite them to you.

Bouncingturtle · 12/03/2008 09:58

Glad my stepmother isn't like yours, Eddas! She is being very rude and precious, and you are right to feel hurt - sounds like you could be right about not wanting you around.
My dad and sm visited a couple of weeks ago (wasn't a great visit due to my dad being a complete arse, but that wasn't DSM's fault.) but at least they weren't bothered about being sick on several times! They are really looking forward to us visiting them in Spain and they wouldn't dream of banning ds from anywhere. Then again my DSM has 5 gcs (with 2 more on the way!) already so she used to it and she doesn't treat my ds any differently from her own gcs.

madamez · 12/03/2008 14:36

I still don;t think it's that big a deal to want to put one room out of bounds to small puking infants in a childfree house. After all, you need a room to put all the fragile ornaments etc in while the children visit.

Unless of course some of you are such dementedly precious parents that you think everyone you know should immediately make their houses permanently childfriendly by getting rid of anything fragile or dangerous rather than just moving it out of the way when small DC visit.

PotPourri · 12/03/2008 14:42

No way woudl I go. That is rude to teh extreme. Tehy could get a rug FFS! Tell them that you have other plans and leaev ti at that. and if they push, then say that you are not willing to go there when DS will not be welcome. They are being unreasonable, not you. Have a lovely easter by yourselves and they can sit on their tod wishing they had fun and laughter all around...

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 15:32

madamez i don't think it's that people on this thread think everyone should have child friendly houses this is my dad we're talking about. My children's grandad. that's why they have commented as they have. We are not precious but I feel quite let down by dad that he felt he needed to say anything. It's just one of many times where my children are excluded, such as their wedding.

I knew I was being a little precious which is why I started this thread. But I am glad most people have understood where I am coming from.

For me it all boils down to the fact that my mum died pre dc and if she was still around my mum and dad would see my dc alot. She was so looking forward to having gc I know I have to move on but it's very hard to do when everyone around you is raving about their parents and how wonderful they are with the dc. As i've already said thank goodness for my mil

OP posts:

shabster · 12/03/2008 16:36

Eddas - as I mentioned much earlier on this thread you are welcome any time at mine - know we are a long way from each other but

To 'move on' after loosing your mum is easy to say but so hard to do getting used to a step parent situation is always difficult and I would imagine the older you are the harder that is.

I think you have to console yourself with the fact that you have a good MIL - chin up love, enjoy your lovely family - your mum would be so proud of you.

You are not being precious - you are being human.

eandh · 12/03/2008 16:44

and she always has me had eddas ds this morning whilst she did a stint at preschool with her dd and my dd1.

I had the easiest option of dd2 and eddas ds and he was only sick once and it was quickly wiped up and they were so well behaved (although both exhausted by 11.30 and snoring in the car!)

Weegle · 12/03/2008 16:53

Going against the tide here and I understand that the actual problem here is more than just sick on carpets, and that it runs much deeper, but I can see where she's coming from.

DS was a happy chucker - projectile and copious, about 50% of feeds and there is no way I could contain the sick. I would never have fed him in people's best rooms but always used to go in a kitchen or somewhere like that. When staying with my parent's my mum used to literally cover their every day rooms in old towels etc and we didn't go in the "posh" sitting room. I didn't take offence and completely understood why. Wiping up sick off laminate or tiles is so much easier than sofa cushions and carpets.

But as I said I do understand that this is about a lot more than just that.

Original poster

Eddas · 12/03/2008 17:00

weegle, as the mother of 2 dc who were both sick alot when they were on just milk I do uunderstand. Thing is ds is now 11 months and the sick has slowed drastically, although not stopped.

I do totally understand I think it's just the way it was put IYSWIM.

Thanks for all your replys I will try to carry on as I usually do and ignore the annoyances that I have with stepmother. Think I was overtired last night

OP posts:

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