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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

m ds is not allowed in my dad's front room because he is a sicky baby

73 replies

Eddas · 11/03/2008 21:21

Dad & step mother have invited me, dh and the dc round to their house on easter monday. But ds will not be allowed in the front room as he is a sicky baby(reflux type sickness so you never know when it'll happen!) and i'm just that dad actually said he can't go in a room. I know nobody wants sick on their carpet but really aren't they being a bit precious. I don't like him being sick on my carpet but I clean it up and get on with it

Not sure whether I want to go now and wanted to see if I'm being silly. DH will not go if I tell him.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/03/2008 21:36

i agree with madamez, except the fact she has gone to such pains to tell you makes me think that is where everyone will be sitting (otherwise you just wouldn't go in there, surely?). In which case she is incredibly rude.

StealthPolarBear · 11/03/2008 21:39

My mum is incredibly house proud but not with DS - it's amazing to see her cooing over him doing all the things I was never allowed to do!

onepieceoflollipop · 11/03/2008 21:39

Eddas YANBU and I feel for you. My dd2 was a bit of a "refluxy" baby and my mil finds this kind of thing very distasteful. She feels the same about b/feeding and any toilet/potty related issues.

In our home on Christmas Day she arrived wearing a frilly blouse. I complimented her on it and she said it wasn't new. She declined 3 times to hold/cuddle her gd (4 months old at the time). My mum offered 3 times to pass the baby on but mil was adamant that she wouldn't risk being sicked on.

Also when we visit there she sometimes tries to stop the gc getting the toys out as it makes a lot of mess and clutter.

It makes me and very very that possessions are valued more highly than people/babies.

Mumcentreplus · 11/03/2008 21:40

lol..when I was a kid we weren't allowed in the living room at Granmothers it was full of bluddy ornaments and sh*t..lol..so it's understandable...after all it's their home

Sexonlegs · 11/03/2008 21:44

Eddas, my dad is a complete neat and tidy freak, but he would never in a million years banish his gc from a room. Kids can be sick at any time!!

Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 21:47

well, i thought i'd take the bull by the horns so to speak and rang dad back. I suggested perhaps they'd like to come here. He sounded put out. Said we were always welcome. I explained I feel on edge in their house, particularly with the ds' sick businesses and the fact everything is new and I have 2 small children. he didn't see an issue and wondered why I was trying to make an issue

The thing is he always says he doesn't care if things get damaged and i now he doesn't but she does.

She got all panicky when dd was tapping a knife and fork on the table and swiftly placed a towel underneath.

She wouldn't let dd wear her plastic playshoes in the house as they made too much noise and may damage the wooden floor. Bloody hope they would damage an expensive wooden floor, it'd be pretty crap.

He just doesn't see it

OP posts:
Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 21:48

wouldn't not would damage the floor

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Heated · 11/03/2008 21:49

My father only can really do little children when they are tidy and well behaved; it's just how he is. He's never unkind but they get handed back very quickly. He likes to hear all about them, have conversations on the phone (encouraged by us) and now that they are getting older he is much more at ease in their company.

You could manipulate MIL in this way if you think it's want you want/ worth the effort. Some ppl just aren't natural with children or share your joy in them , until they become part of it, iyswim.

Otherwise it sounds like you'll need to accept the rules in their house when you do visit and imo encourage your Dad over to yours so he can enjoy a more relaxed environment with your dc.

AngeG · 11/03/2008 21:51

Sorry Eddas How did you leave it with him?

Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 21:54

i left it that he would ask step mother what she thought of coming here and we'll speak again on friday.

I'm sat here like a fool crying. iT's so hard as I feel like i lost both parents when mum died.

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AngeG · 11/03/2008 21:57

Oh Eddas I'm so sorry it's like this for you. May I offer a {{{hug}}}?

Maybe it would be better for them to come to you. DC will have everything they want/need around them and will make for an altogether less stressful time for you.

purpleduck · 11/03/2008 21:59

Feed ds until he is stuffed to the gills, then take him over!!!!

They are being jerks.

My mom is abit the same- not about sick, but with mess. We don't have to deal with it much as she is in Canada, but now she is wondering why her children never want to come over with their children.

onepieceoflollipop · 11/03/2008 21:59

It must be very upsetting for you. It upsets me that fil constantly says how welcome we are when the reality is anything but. Well he may want us to feel welcome as long as no effort needs to be made on their behalf and mil doesn't want to be put out. So how much worse must it be for you as this is your dad's home (and his wife) - not "just" your inlaws iyswim.

Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 22:00

thanks ange. fingers crossed dad'll say yes. I said i wanted to see them(teensy lie, as really only want to see him) and that i'd feel more comfortable if they came here whilst ds was still sicky. plus had already been telling him about messing their routine up so said that won't matter then and they can come here when they like. I'm sure they'll insist we go there.

Families

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oooggs · 11/03/2008 22:02

eddas - I am well actually I am not - other things you have mentioned before.

Not comments or advise

you know my current views on families

as helpful as a chocolate teapot this evening aren't I

Pesha · 11/03/2008 22:02

Eddas - dont think YABU at all.

I think I would say you have decided not to come as you think it would be difficult and you would not be able to relax at all, maybe even say you find it unwelcoming/rude, and then suggest they come to yours instead where carpets dont take precedence over people Thats if you want them at yours that is!!

Pesha · 11/03/2008 22:03

Ooops - didnt refresh before posting

Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 22:03

purpleduck I am very tempted to feed him the most colourful thing I can before going round but that's the thing I would try everything to not make him sick just becasue we're going there. And really I shouldn't feel like that going to my own bloody dads.

onepieceoflollipop, that's the thing if this were mil then you'd expect to be put out. That's what mil's are like accept mine who is wonderful[smug] she is just great and am so lucky to have her and step fil.

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Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 22:04

lol oooggs and pesha

right am off to bed. could be interesting hearing dh's views no wait actually as i've sadi I know exactly what he'll say

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beeper · 11/03/2008 22:16

I am a great believer that houses are for living in and not for worshipping.

YANBU - go out for a family day instead.

OR.....bring large plastic sheets and place them all over the carpet - see if they get the message

elkiedee · 11/03/2008 22:17

I think your stepmother is being very unreasonable and this sounds very unwelcoming. I hope your dad (and her if needs be) will come and see you instead as it sounds like that would be easier.

Your situation sounds hard and there's not much I can say that's going to make you feel better but I'm thinking of you.

scottishmummy · 11/03/2008 22:21

i hate all that prissy don't crease the cushion, don't sit on the sofa,don't walk on the carpets.give me a happy lived in creases and all house any day

NorthernLurker · 11/03/2008 22:29

YANBU - your dad didn't invite his grandaughter to his wedding???? But she's adorable!!!

I think you have been very sensible about this. If push comes to shove though - I wouldn't go. You won't be happy, your dh doesn't sound overjoyed and poor little ds will be well and truly scrutinised.

Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 22:41

thankyou all. So glad the concensus is IANBU and I guess it really isn't just about the sick on the carpet

ho hum, we'll see what friday brings.

NL, no she wasn't invited to the wedding and at 1yr and 3 months was very cute She did go though as I made my feelings on that quite clear and as it happened dad seemed to agree and voila she has an invite! oh and the only reason I objected was that she was the only child that could possibly have been invited. I do understand no child weddings just not where it's your gc

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Original poster
Eddas · 11/03/2008 22:42

I really must write everything before I post Nl meant to say thanks for saying dd is adorable

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