AIBU about being treated unfairly after maternity leave?

[CluelessToddlerMum]

Before mat leave, I was at a high point in my career so far. I was high achieving and had a good reputation. Prior to returning from mat leave, it was agreed that I could return on 3 days per week in the same role (different team due to structural changes whilst I was off but still same sort’ve role) but my workload would be adjusted.

Upon returning, I had the same job title but was barely given any work to do - told that I could “settle back in”. After a few weeks, I raised concerns that I didn’t have enough work and that the remits of my role were confusing. My role felt like an after thought. Following a discussion with my manager, they reviewed my role remit and I was given a bit more responsibility. It’s been 3 months total now. During this time, I’ve had a fair bit of time off due to my child being unwell a lot because of unavoidable nursery bugs. Due to this and being 3 days per week, I’ve found it difficult settling back in as I’ve found it hard to get into the swing of it and I’m always playing catch up. It’s a very fast paced business. I’ve been open with my manager about this and a plan was agreed to help me catch up what I missed on my non-working days quicker. The following week, concerns were raised to me about the amount of time off I’ve had. The week after that, I’ve been told that it’s been decided it’s not possible to do my role in 3 days and I’m being moved to another role entirely.

I know they’re probably within their right to do what they’ve done, but I feel like I haven’t been given a fair opportunity to see if my role is possible in 3 days per week as for the first month, my role remit was unclear and then I’ve had no choice but to take time off to look after a sick child. Also a plan was agreed to help, but then only given a week to see if it would help before being moved on. I feel as though all the hard work I’ve put in over the last 10 years in my job has been forgotten, I feel undervalued and I feel as though I’m being managed out.

I don’t know what to do from here or what I want to happen. I also don’t know if I’m just being sensitive. AIBU? Does anyone have any advice?

Not necessarily, we fired someone from our business a while back in a pretty similar situation and it was the dad. He wasn't in enough to learn the job and it was so much extra work on everyone else's shoulders (to make up for him forever being off and getting things wrong when he was in, because he could never remember things despite being told 4-5 times). It wasn't just that his child was ill a lot (nothing major, different things), but also things like he'd be out taking calls from his child's nursery etc. about very minor things, even when his partner wasn't working her shifts and could have done it (he wasn't a single dad and his partner also worked part time, different shifts).

I don't know what size company you're at. But it's really, really hard for us small employers who have had all salaries gone up massively overnight, a lower amount coming in, and have people being off all the time so even less work is done but we're paying huge amounts for it to not be done. Every day you have no idea whether someone will be in or not. Especially when the staff member isn't even sick, it's a childcare problem. The govt desperately needs to cover some of the pay costs or actually fix childcare and social care. 99% of people obviously have no other choice, but I just wanted to add the other perspective. We have lost about £65,000 worth of staff work this year from people needing days for looking after their kids and it's just not sustainable long term for small companies.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

This is not only for children, but elderly or other close family that require help

It sounds like they gave you a settling in period and then when you asked for more work you struggled to complete it for various reasons. So I can kind of see their side but also totally sympathise with you that it’s just been bad luck with you child getting poorly. Could you ask your employer if there’s chance for a job share with someone else? Or maybe just ask for another trial period/settling in period and explain you’ve struggled to settle back in and your DC being ill a lot hasn’t helped. Definitely take a look at your family friendly policy as well and see what their and your actual rights are. Being part time is hard, as is working and having a child in nursery which you didn’t have to balance before. All I can say is the never ending illness when they first start at nursery is normal and settles down. I did part time as part of my phased return to full time after maternity leave. I always struggled to catch up with what I’d missed when I was off and felt guilt for not being able to complete things. My LO was poorly a lot in that time too and basically my husband and took the time off if it fell on my working days as I really really felt I needed an initial period of time to buckle down and focus on getting back into my job - being off for 9-12 months with added baby brain made it sooo difficult to just switch back into work mode!

What would your take be if you were the employer and paying the salaries? I think they've been more than reasonable to be honest, they've made accommodations that haven’t worked so have offered something that seems a better fit. Your past track record is probably why they're adjusting this much but harsh reality is that they've managed fine while you've been off and need to maintain their business efficiently.

I think some of these responses are a bit harsh. They agreed to part time, if they thought that wouldn't work they shouldn't have allowed you to do it. The amount of times you've been off looking after your kid is irrelevant to that completely. I think having your role reduced in terms of responsibility should have been agreed mutually - a reduction in hours should necessarily mean a reduction in responsibilities. I also think that only giving the revised agreement a week isn't right - there should have been an agreed trial period and an evaluation at an agreed date. You shouldn't have to feel like you're being managed out - I also experienced this after mat leave but am public sector with a strong union who backed me up. I don't see how making an employee feel they are being managed out is being accommodating - it's their job not to discriminate against you because you've had a child. In saying all that I do agree some jobs don't work part time, and that's probably why we still see an overall gender pay gap. I really feel for you. But you will find your feet again in this job or somehwere else. Just 100% know your rights and be assertive (and don't take it personally, I think this is unfortunately very common)

So true, my dd2 went back to work full time when her ds was 7 months old and for the first 6 months he was probably home more than at nursery with one sickness or another. Fingers crossed this winter he'll be fine but the nursery seems to send them home at the slightest cough. She's the main wage earner and luckily her dh's job is very flexible- and she was able to wfh some days ds was ill.

I think that they have taken more than 4 days. Notice how they say that they have been off four times but don't mention how long they have actually been off

Exactly what I thought. They are hiding how long they have actually taken off

The reality is OP, that you can’t have it all ways round. You complained about being given a lesser role and a lower workload, but then you say “I’ve had a fair bit of time off due to my child being unwell a lot” and “I’ve found it difficult to get into the swing of it and I’m always playing catch up” Well if you are missing a lot and always playing catch up, that would indicate your workload is too high and you need a lesser role? You say you have had “no choice but to take time off to look after a sick child” which is completely fair, and true for most parents.

I’m sorry but if you aren’t keeping up with your role, it IS totally fair that they give you a lesser role. You say you “haven’t been given the opportunity to see if the role is possible in 3 days”, but if you’ve not worked enough 3 day weeks in 3 months to know whether the role is possible, then it’s irrelevant, because clearly you can’t normally manage a 3 day working week. Even if the role were possible in 3 days, if you are usually taking a day or 2 off each week, you can’t manage a 3 day a week role.

Sadly just because you have an EXCELLENT reason to have time off, doesn’t mean that you can just carry on being slack in your role. If you aren’t doing the work, then it isn’t the right role for you just now, regardless of how good your reason for being off is. You either have to find a way of getting dad or another relative to look after your child when he is sick, or you need to accept that you can’t do your current role just now, and move gracefully.

If I've understood it right - you have been given a role 3 days a week, are finding it hard to get everything that's expected of you into 3 days a week, and are having quite a lot of time off as well.

I think you need to accept that this role is one that needs to be done more than 3 days a week, or with less absences to be done properly. That either means it's not the right role for you at the moment, or it means you've got to look at improving your productivity by may be taking on another day a week, and making a plan for someone else to provide some of the childcare when your child is sick.

I have a disability and in the last couple of years work has become harder for me. I won't go into the details here, but I admitted that and have just got a few hours a week with a support work set up. This has made a enormous difference to a) my productivity, b) my confidence, c) how much people have to support me in their own work time. Sometimes the grown up thing to do is to admit you aren't actually coping with what's expected of you and either accept a change in role and expectations to fit in with your personal needs (e.g. smaller workload, shorter hours, more time to catch up if you miss days) , or make personal changes to improve your work (e.g. more childcare = longer working week. Someone to look after your child when they are sick = less days missed.) You can't do everything and trying is just stressful for everyone.