AIBU about being treated unfairly after maternity leave?

[CluelessToddlerMum]

Before mat leave, I was at a high point in my career so far. I was high achieving and had a good reputation. Prior to returning from mat leave, it was agreed that I could return on 3 days per week in the same role (different team due to structural changes whilst I was off but still same sort’ve role) but my workload would be adjusted.

Upon returning, I had the same job title but was barely given any work to do - told that I could “settle back in”. After a few weeks, I raised concerns that I didn’t have enough work and that the remits of my role were confusing. My role felt like an after thought. Following a discussion with my manager, they reviewed my role remit and I was given a bit more responsibility. It’s been 3 months total now. During this time, I’ve had a fair bit of time off due to my child being unwell a lot because of unavoidable nursery bugs. Due to this and being 3 days per week, I’ve found it difficult settling back in as I’ve found it hard to get into the swing of it and I’m always playing catch up. It’s a very fast paced business. I’ve been open with my manager about this and a plan was agreed to help me catch up what I missed on my non-working days quicker. The following week, concerns were raised to me about the amount of time off I’ve had. The week after that, I’ve been told that it’s been decided it’s not possible to do my role in 3 days and I’m being moved to another role entirely.

I know they’re probably within their right to do what they’ve done, but I feel like I haven’t been given a fair opportunity to see if my role is possible in 3 days per week as for the first month, my role remit was unclear and then I’ve had no choice but to take time off to look after a sick child. Also a plan was agreed to help, but then only given a week to see if it would help before being moved on. I feel as though all the hard work I’ve put in over the last 10 years in my job has been forgotten, I feel undervalued and I feel as though I’m being managed out.

I don’t know what to do from here or what I want to happen. I also don’t know if I’m just being sensitive. AIBU? Does anyone have any advice?

It seems likely that your role could have been done in 3 days per week, but because you made it clear from the start that you wouldn’t actually be in 3 days a week, they have got fed up with the arrangement. But as others have said, we can’t really comment without knowing how much time you’ve had off. If it’s been a couple of days then they’re being unfair, but if it’s been much more than that, then I don’t blame them.

I don’t think they can cut your pay though (although I’m not an expert in this).

Thanks everyone for your responses. It’s been helpful and grounding and useful to see it from a more objective view. I think I’m just still having an emotional reaction right now but I think you’re all right and hopefully this new role will be a better fit for everyone. I can’t say I’m not disappointed in what’s happened but it is what it is I guess!

@MumblesParty I’ve been off 4 times, using annual leave. So not great but completely unavoidable. My DH has taken time off as well. We’ve just all been a bit unlucky with how sickly our little one has been!

4 times , how many days each time? If you are only working 3 days pw that is a significant number in a short time. AL or not, it is disruptive if your work is not delivered and others are affected. You need a discussion with your employer as to whether the shorter week is viable in the role and if it is the absences causing an issue. Even if your child is clingy you are not entitled to leave at short notice to care for them. What options do you have?

If you’re using annual leave then it does seem as if they’re being a bit harsh.

Whilst it sounds like they've made an effort - 3 months is a ridiculously short period of time to say it's not working. Especially as there have been changes during that time. That they've decided it's not working without discussing it is also not fair.

It's all starting to look like window dressing.

Yes you have been treated unfairly in my opinion.

Write it all down and ask for a meeting your manager and HR to discuss it all.

Consider calling ACAS for advice on how best to approach this.

To be honest, if they returned you on the same role and the same pro-rata'd salary but allowed you to work three days, they tried to make it work. But they are a fast-paced business in a tough economic environment so they need to be able to rely on you. You should share childcare leave with your dh because small children are poorly a lot during the first two years. Can you call on other family to help?

It's annoying but not uncommon.

Sorry about your situation but as an aside, "sort’ve"

?

Three months is quite a short period of time to say it isn't working. Returning to work after maternity leave is really difficult, and they seem to have moved very quickly to changing your role. 4 times off due to your child being unwell in 3 months is quite a lot though. Even if it is annual leave you're taking, I'm assuming this is short notice so they are still short staffed. I guess they are worried you'll continue taking one or two days a month ongoing. Really difficult one OP but I think you'll struggle to prove you're being treated unfairly.

I pressed unreasonable by mistake. If your husband’s job is secure he should take the lead the next couple of times your baby is unwell. And check in with Pregnant Then Screwed about what the law says about flex working and giving it time to work.

Doesn't seem unfair to me, especially since it seems like you had the choice to share time off when your child was ill with your DH but decided to take more of it.

At the end of the day, they still have a business to run and you weren't getting the work you asked for done in the allocated time.

For whatever reason you are showing yourself as unreliable. They are not going to think of you in a positive way.

When I was in your position I didn't understand something which I have since learnt:
It is ok for your career to stand still for a bit, or even go a bit backwards, when you have young children
Trying to cope with a new baby and progress in your career at the same time will be really hard work - for both parents.
I know some people do it and that's up the them and that's fine. But I imagine it was stressful at times.
My DH and I both took a step back in our careers and went part time when our kids were very little. We managed things like illnesses with no problems at all. We didn't go on many holidays but with tiny kids they're more stress than they're worth anyway. Life was simple but idyllic.
Then when our youngest was two I got a promotion and was able to put a lot into it with the older ones at school. And my career took off again. All of the experience I had gained before I took a step back counted and I had mental capacity and time to give my new role everything I could. And I progressed after that.
It might not work that way for everyone and of course what you do is entirely up to you. But maybe give yourself a break? I'd stay with the company. It sounds like they are trying to make things easier for you as well as them.
Work doesn't need to be your priority right now if you don't want it to be. You've got a long career ahead of you. Good luck.

OP a somewhat similar story here.

I went back 4 days a week (previously 5 before DC1) and was given a different role same title. They gave all my interesting projects to my Mat leave cover (who has been FTC but made permanent and kept my role). I had been doing really well in my role prior to Mat leave. Loads of great feedback from directors. Good reviews. Met my KPIs.
when I came back I was treated like I’d had a lobotomy. People talking to me like I didn’t know the business despite being there a number of years before Mat leave.
i wasn’t given good projects, I was given admin and boring work only. It was heartbreaking. It was like all my years of working til 10pm, coming up with new initiatives etc counted for nothing.

after 10 months I couldn’t take it any more it wasn’t the job I loved. I felt sad lonely and pushed out. So I quit.

DH needs to be doing an equal amount of sick days.

This must be a really emotional and stressful time for you. I would suggest that you take a breather, pause…reevaluate from a practical perspective.

it is hard to return to any sort of work and reconnect with the ambitious person within you and with your work pace, whilst adding new motherhood to the mix. It’s a lot.

you asked for more / more involved work quite early on. I would focus on finding your feet again and building your momentum, before asking for sexy work, even if it feels like you are more than competent and you did it before. Nobody is saying that you can’t do it again. The point is that it’s probably a good idea to give yourself some grace and to me, it sounds like your workplace was trying to do just that; maybe they were giving you space and time to get settled again.

All of that said, your instincts are powerful and agree that there are some flags

1. only a week given to see if the new catch up plan works
2. raising your sickness days as a cause for concern
3. telling you that your role can no longer be done in 3 days
4. moving you to another role.

i would therefore consider getting a lawyer involved, if they map you to a role that has less than 70% match with your current role or if they change your terms, eg pay or banding.

Good Luck OP. I hope that one day, we read fewer posts like this, because surely there is more we can do for women returners.

Tbh I'd say he should be doing more. OP has already covered any potential sick days for the duration of her mat leave, and now she has taken a career step back sacrificing 40% of her pay and time at work to cover those days. So I'd say its only fair she covers 1/3 of the remaining 3 days she works and he covers 2/3.

Yup, sounds fair. Especially if his career isn’t as much in jeopardy as hers

It's common knowledge kids get everything going the first winter they're in childcare. I do think they need to give you a chance to do better before taking you off and doing something else. Surely the meeting could have been a warning, then you could get DH to cover all illness for the next few months and get your feet back under the table.

The illnesses in the first few weeks of nursery are totally predictable, but nobody warns you! It is so common I genuinely think it should be factored in to the first few weeks by default - companies should be forewarned, likewise parents, workloads set accordingly, and a bank of flexi-leave allocated to use for this purpose within the first month or two.

Obviously this doesn’t help you much now but I do agree with @Findinganewme that there are a few flags here and her advice is solid.

Good luck OP!

I think your employer has jumped the gun and moved you unreasonably quickly. If you’ve only been back three months, say 12 weeks x 3 days, and after the first few weeks you were under-worked, then you needed to take a few AL days during this period of transition, it seems very short-termist of them to move you to a different role. If you were previously successful, you must have been a valued team member, and now you are very quickly devalued, I’d be seeking a meeting to discuss your longterm prospects, and to identify supports necessary to help you. I’d do the whole ‘where do you see me in 3-5 years, and how do I get there with reasonable accommodations?’ approach. How long are you with the company? Play the long game, and insist they do too.

Well it is either annual or unpaid leave, you cannot expect to be paid to take time off to look after a child! It really makes no difference that it was annual leave, it was unscheduled and meant work didn’t get done. It is inconvenient and effects others adversely.

Actually quite disgusted by the percentage of people voting YABU.

If you get pushed out of your job in a few years time the same people will be slagging you off for being dependent on your DH!

I'd get in a union if you're not already in one. Call ACAS, have a look at pregnant then screwed and Maternity Action websites.

Absolutely the 10 years you've given to this place and your track record should count for something.

Kids get sick it's life. Work got the benefit of your child free years they can be flexible now.

And I bet your DH doesn't get the same treatment at his work when he has to care for DC. The attitude is anti mother and misogynist.

Good luck!

Also. Insist that your DH takes a fair share of caring. Let him deal with the clingy child to she gets used to him and becomes less so.

It's hard going back after maternity leave and readjusting, it sounds like work were supportive of this though and gave you a reduced workload to ease back in and offered the chance to explore the role being condensed into 3 days. Some roles simply need to be full time- is there a chance to explore some sort of job share arrangement or would this not work in your industry? I think if you'd have been content with the lower workload your last minute absences would have had less of an affect. I'd say try the new role and accept that balancing work is trickier with a child because it is. Your DH should take a lead on sick days so you have the chance to get settled in the role; the disruption not only serves to affect your delivery but also probably you getting back into the swing of things.